Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is my child the only child who doesn't do any activities

77 replies

Gemma273 · 21/09/2023 21:05

Just that really. DC (4) does no activities, I ask regularly.. "would you like to go to swimming lessons, gymnastics, dancing, football?" etc etc. I've given lots of options and just not interested, is extremely "shy" (hate using that word), and always wary of new situations but I just feel guilty DC doesn't do any hobbies, goes to nursery and interacts well with children there so no concerns with that.

I just accept the answer but I often wonder should I almost "force" the issue to put out of comfort zone as I know they would enjoy once over the initial joining stage or should I continue to just leave it.

OP posts:

Thementalloadisreal · 21/09/2023 21:07

4 is very young, I wouldn’t worry, they’ll likely end up in all kinds of clubs once they start school. I’d say Swimming is very important though and all children should learn as young as possible.

Itsallthelittlethings · 21/09/2023 21:07

Don't worry she's still a tiny baby at 4. She'll find things she loves in time.

CarrotSoupwithCheese · 21/09/2023 21:07

Nursery is plenty for 4 year olds. I really wouldn’t worry or feel pressured by other parents. Just enjoy the relative calm!

swimminglessonadvice · 21/09/2023 21:08

You could start swimming, no point asking the child you just take them.

Mumof1andacat · 21/09/2023 21:08

My ds has never done any. We did swimming lessons in year 1 as I wanted him to be safe in the water. He's in year 6 now and still doesn't do any. He is in wraparound care until 5pm most night which he enjoys.

Juneboon · 21/09/2023 21:09

No clubs at four is fine, however if you want her to learn to swim, I’d start asap as learning can be long and tedious. It is the only non negotiable activity for our children

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 21/09/2023 21:09

Swimming is non negotiable for me, so DD is very used to those lessons. The others i only send DD to another one as she has asked to go and any spprt is great exercise for her

DelurkingAJ · 21/09/2023 21:10

However, if you think you’ll ever possibly want him to do Beavers then now is just about in time to get into the waiting list for age 6 (or at least here it is…youngest on our waiting list is 3 months old…anyone who joins it at 6 is unlikely to ever get a place)!

MaryShelley1818 · 21/09/2023 21:10

Swimming is non negotiable here, it's life saving literally.
DS5 does Karate and DD2 does dancing.

Personally I just think it's really good for them to have these experiences but I definitely wouldn't worry prior to school age.

Catsafterme · 21/09/2023 21:10

One of mine would but my other probably wouldn't want to as is autistic.

When I was a child, I never did anything either and although my parents tried a few things I had zero interest in it and stopped. Never really had any desire to throughout my childhood, was quite happy doing my own thing and I'm pretty much the same now. A part of me would like a hobby but a part of me doesn't want to, if that makes sense.

I am introverted but it's also been suggested I am also autistic but who knows, hard getting a referral.

So I wouldn't say it's a problem but on the other hand going through childhood like that, within my comfort zone kinda limited me socially.

Tdcp · 21/09/2023 21:11

My DD doesn't do activities, she's almost 9. She did do a bit of horse riding and had some climbing lessons but really being around people exhausts her and she's generally happy just pottering. I do a lot with her to compensate if you like but it's definitely child led. At age 4 they're so small, there's plenty of time for your son to get into something or do some lessons, you're doing right by encouraging and not forcing :)

Syndulla · 21/09/2023 21:11

Swimming is non negotiable for me. I don't care if they don't enjoy it. It's a life skill that is necessary.

As for the others, has your DC tried any of them or just said "no" at the suggestion?

I always got my two to try out a session to see if they would like it. They would always be reluctant at the suggestion because they were anxious etc but once there they almost always had a good time.

Comedycook · 21/09/2023 21:15

My dd was very shy...and non verbal for a while so I never wanted to leave her in activities. I found her a ballet class that I could sit in on. That was a good compromise. She got too old for that and we had a couple of years gap...then I tried her at brownies. She was absolutely petrified. I remember telling her that I'd wait outside and if she walked in and hated it she could come straight out back to me. As soon as she walked in she loved it luckily. If your dd isn't ready, I'd just leave her be for now. However at some point she should...it's a bit daunting but does really increase their confidence.

GangOfNineteenWuds · 21/09/2023 21:16

None after school, but we did take them "swimming" every weekend from being toddlers so just water confidence to begin with. Mine had intensive swimming lessons where they do a week in the school holidays, ours were at a private school. But as we went swimming on the weekend they got to practise their swimming skills that they learned. They never had weekly lessons.

Mine did do some after school clubs in school but they were things like art club and not in reception more like year 2 or 3. They did do activities when they were about 8 or older but there is plenty of time for that.

Bunnyhair · 21/09/2023 21:16

Mine is 6.5 and doesn’t do any activities except one that’s offered at his school, which he asked to do, and enjoys.

I tried everything when he was younger - swimming, kung fu, ninja classes - and we learned that he doesn’t like competitive activities (and almost all kids’ activities try to get them to race or compete in one way or another - give out prizes or stars or whatever), and he doesn’t like going into groups of people where he doesn’t know anyone. The more I tried to push it, the harder it became to get him out of the house at all.

He eventually taught himself how to swim, by the way - with very little help from me. He just watched other kids at the pool and did what they did. He loves swimming, but the low level comparison and competition he sees going on in lessons puts him right off ever wanting to sign up.

I’d love it if he did more activities at the weekend, just so I could have a bit of a break, but I don’t think he is suffering at all for not being in a club or on a team or anything. He has plenty of friends and is learning fine at school. He’s just not a ‘joiner’ - and tbh, neither was I and neither was DH, so it makes sense.

YouveGotAFastCar · 21/09/2023 21:16

Have you let her try things to see if she'd like them? And to get her past the initial nerves, if she's shy?

My DS is nearly 2, so a fair bit younger; but he'd have no idea if I asked if he wanted to do something. At the moment he does a STEM class, football and swimming lessons, and then forest school-type things and playgroups. He'd probably have said no to all of them if I'd asked 😅

Over time he's learned how to go into a new group - it used to take him 15 - 20 minutes to get used to somewhere new and integrate himself, now it takes 5 minutes or so usually. He's not really upset; he doesn't tend to cry (sometimes he tries to take me to the door and is a bit frustrated) but we can distract him with the activity and he has fun. Then he's keen to go back!

I'd test her with some things and find her some she enjoys if you'd like to take her to things and you've got the ability to do so. Most things will give you a trial session or two.

AuntMarch · 21/09/2023 21:17

My son is 4 and is far too knackered after school to even consider it at the moment, he'd just be an emotional wreck through being exhaustion!
(Weekends are no good as every other weekend with his dad an hour away)

Sandrine1982 · 21/09/2023 21:18

DD (4) started reception this year and we don't do any extra curricular activities. She does the tea-time club and is absolutely knackered after school, so I can't imagine doing anything after that. At the weekend we often take her swimming, hiking, visiting museums etc. But again, nothing regular. We just make sure she has an interesting and enriching life. X

Oysterbabe · 21/09/2023 21:19

I'm not sure why you are asking her whether she wants swimming lessons rather than telling her she is having swimming lessons.

Tribevibes · 21/09/2023 21:20

Swimming isn’t optional.

Katy123456 · 21/09/2023 21:21

No not at all. My daughter didn't start until after she turned 5 then did swimming and one other. My son started swimming after turning 5 - we tried a different activity at 4 but he didn't want to do it. Enjoy the less hectic lifestyle.

notahappybunny7 · 21/09/2023 21:21

No, 4 is not a tiny baby. Get her swimming asap.

Lostmumdotcom · 21/09/2023 21:22

Nope, my daughter has just turned 4 and we've done football, swimming and dance and although she says she likes them all and wants to do them. We go and she's surgically attached to my hip and won't go join in. I'm going to wait till she's at school for her to do clubs, we regularly go out with friends with mixture of ages of children and she's quite content with that

WillowCraft · 21/09/2023 21:23

4 is young so I don't think it's necessary/beneficial even.
I did force mine to start swimming lessons. He didn't want to go in and cried at the start of the lesson for 2 weeks then started to really love it, and his confidence increased so much in other areas at the same time, it has definitely been beneficial. I think it would be good for him to do something else maybe drama or sport but will wait another year until he's 5 for that.

Lostmumdotcom · 21/09/2023 21:23

We're signing her up to swimming in the new year once she's settled in a new nursery but only because we feel swimming is a must !

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread