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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my child the only child who doesn't do any activities

77 replies

Gemma273 · 21/09/2023 21:05

Just that really. DC (4) does no activities, I ask regularly.. "would you like to go to swimming lessons, gymnastics, dancing, football?" etc etc. I've given lots of options and just not interested, is extremely "shy" (hate using that word), and always wary of new situations but I just feel guilty DC doesn't do any hobbies, goes to nursery and interacts well with children there so no concerns with that.

I just accept the answer but I often wonder should I almost "force" the issue to put out of comfort zone as I know they would enjoy once over the initial joining stage or should I continue to just leave it.

OP posts:
dearanon · 21/09/2023 21:25

Dd4 does 4 clubs, soon to be 5 clubs a week.

Do they not do at least one club?

ShutTheDoorBabe · 21/09/2023 21:25

Mine don't do anything other than play with friends and an occasional after school club. We can't afford for them to so.

StillWantingADog · 21/09/2023 21:27

I’d def start swimming lessons, perfect age. Our swim school takes them from 3.5. I didn’t ask them I just took them.

also took them to a preschool age football session, again didn’t ask just took

obviously if they didn’t enjoy football I would stop but swimming is non negotiable

caringcarer · 21/09/2023 21:28

4 is still young and they are getting used to going to school but when they are 5 I'd definitely start the swimming lessons because it often takes a couple of years before they become proficient swimmers. At 6 you could add a second club. A team sport like football.

stargirl1701 · 21/09/2023 21:30

Not at 4, OP.

My DC only did things with a parent at that age - Bookbug at the library, family swimming, Church crèche, Messy Church, etc.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 21/09/2023 21:30

We are on a very long waiting list for swimming lessons but in the meantime we took DS (also just started reception) to rugby on a whim when they did free summer sessions, and he loves that - but it's a Sunday morning. I can't sign the poor lad up to do anything after school. He just wants to sit quietly with snacks and a film.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 21/09/2023 21:30

Oh gosh, she's still at nursery so don't worry. When my children started school they began proper swimming lessons which were non-negotiable for safety reasons. Now they are older they do one additional activity each but that's it. I work and they are in wraparound childcare so by the time they get home, homework, a bit of downtime it's time for bed.

Amidlifecrisis · 21/09/2023 21:35

4 is young though if at nursery then she must be one of the older ones in the year? My DC didn’t do any activities until reception, then started swimming, music and football, but he was a May birthday so youngish. We added them one term at a time.

Like others have said I’d start her swimming soon.

Seenandheard · 21/09/2023 21:36

All I can send it solidarity... my almost 6 year old is identical. It is exhausting. We have tried everything. We got him swimming but that's it..
He had an absolute hatred of competitive parts, and a sense of not wanting to fail that he puts on himself. He is so so sociable, happy, otherwise confident, thriving in school. But we have yet to find a single suggestion of a club- even if all his friends aregoing- that he will want to go to. If we make him go, he will spend the whole time trying to leave, or distract his friends so then we are telling him off or pulling him out. Whether we are there or not there, associated with school or unrelated. Nothing works. He will genuinely panic at the thought of a club so while we won't give up, we don't want to push him to breaking point. He is also like this with birthday parties... he is at the front, running around and boistrous amd happy..the slightest whiff of instruction and he goes to ground with an absolute fear.

I feel so so frustrated and sad that he is missing out on socialisation that goes with the sports. My biggest fear is that he will fall behind his peers and gradually move to the periphery/outside as they get older and these shared interests become more important than running around chasing each other in the playground...

DartsAndFarts · 21/09/2023 21:45

Don't rely on school to teach swimming. They do about 5 lessons each year and it's totally hopeless (state anyway). It takes ages for them to become reasonably proficient and then they suddenly get it. IMO anyway.

I would say something like squirrels (baby scouts) could be good. Specifically for 4-5 year olds and not sports focussed. My DC loved squirrels. It might help to bring her out of her shell.

www.scouts.org.uk/squirrels

Greysofa · 21/09/2023 21:45

My dc was extremely shy too (I also hate that word) so clubs were none negotiable from a young age. They were ones we stayed with them at, until he was happy enough to take part with us just watching. It’s absolutely been the best thing we have done, they’ve grown in confidence massively and will now take part in everything.

Original poster
Gemma273 · 21/09/2023 21:48

Thanks for all the replies, we most certainly do plenty of activities but I'm always there but I feel that forcing the issue would be detrimental to an already anxious child. We go swimming weekly on a Friday and sometimes on a Sunday too so very confident in the water and can swim without armbands so that's not an issue.

No, just recently turned 4 and we are in Scotland. Children begin nursery (ante- pre year) the term after their 3rd birthday and their pre school year when they are 4 and generally start school at 5 here (some children are still 4.5)

OP posts:
DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/09/2023 21:50

I only offered one club a week for my 4yos.

My eldest hated it (rugby tots) so we just moved to swimming once a week.
When she was 7 she started a proper rugby team and played that for a year, now she's in a girls' football team, Brownies, orchestra, and two music lessons a week.
She also hated swimming but we promised her as soon as she could swim a width unaided she could quit, which she did.

My youngest stuck at rugby tots for a year but now he's started swimming lessons and school (only just 4) I'm not keen to push anything else on him just yet.

Honestly don't push it he'll get there eventually.

letmesailletmesail · 21/09/2023 21:51

As well as swimming, mine did gymnastics at that age as it's good for gross motor skills and a music class as it was good for both sitting and listening and just learning a bit about music.

Comedycook · 21/09/2023 21:53

I only offered one club a week for my 4yos

Yes one is plenty. My DC are teens now but have only ever done one extra activity a week. Any more is just too tiring imo.

underneaththeash · 21/09/2023 21:53

She does an activity - nursery!

start with swimming in the summer term.

GeneralLevy · 21/09/2023 21:54

4 is young, but in the long run I would. I’ve always felt a bit that having no additional hobbies or skills has marked me out as an adult. I got very good grades, a good career and I mixed with people who could play instruments, sail, ski, knew team sports etc. I never did an activity and it was something I felt at a good university l, then socially as an adult mixing with those with generational wealth.

lilsupersparks · 21/09/2023 22:04

Mine did swimming. Then they each have a sport/physical activity and a Scouting club (Beavers starts at 6 though) - oh and the oldest two had a year of music lessons - the eldest has carried on but the other chose not to. They started that maybe 8? It was within school hours so no major hardship.

my eldest has had to drop his sport as the class has been cancelled - he cycles to school semi-regularly though.

I didn’t do any sport as a child/teen and don’t think it served me well.

4 nothing more than nursery/school is needed tbh - swimming is nice to get going even if only for your own peace of mind!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/09/2023 22:09

Before they're around 5-6, any activity is led by the parent in my experience. Both my kids LOVE activities - if we try something new they're immediately ' can I join a club in this? Can I get lessons so I can be the best?' Before this, they would never ask, and if I suggested it, they would maybe go to 3 lessons and get bored.

I'd say 4 years old is a great age for pottering, make the most of it

0021andabit · 21/09/2023 22:11

My youngest is 4 & doesn’t do any clubs at all yet. My older two do loads, but they picked them up at around 7/8 when they had definite interests.

Mustreadabook · 21/09/2023 22:14

My kids never did many activities despite everything offered. Swimming lessons we gave up when they were 3 and had to go without parents. They wouldn’t stay in the water! They still learned to swim though, through lots of pool time with me, then a couple of crash courses in holidays 5 dsys in a row lessons)

UndercoverCop · 21/09/2023 22:14

To be honest DS is 4, does swimming and gymnastics and is about to start squirrels (younger than beavers), I've never really asked him! He's always got loads of energy and he's an only so I'm conscious that I have to make an effort for him to socialise with other children, I don't have many friends either with children at all or of a similar age.
Swimming he's been going since he was 12 weeks so it's just something he does, when he started gym I just said to him next week gymnastics starts and we talked about what that would be like and he enjoys it, it's been very good for his co-ordination. Squirrels doesn't start until November as it's a new drey starting up, he doesn't even know yet.
He was used to actovities as they had external coaches/teachers coming into nursery for football, dance, Spanish and they had forest school every afternoon.
But maybe I should've asked him, I just didn't think 🤦‍♂️

Zola1 · 21/09/2023 22:16

As other posters have said, with swimming it might need to just be an approach of 'we are going to go and start swimming lessons'. Otherwise don't stress. Mine didn't really get into activities until about 6/7 and now she's barely home because she's always dancing or trampolining or playing netball 🫠

newlystyle · 21/09/2023 22:17

swimminglessonadvice · 21/09/2023 21:08

You could start swimming, no point asking the child you just take them.

This. I don't think this is young at all. Most of my dc class mates including him have been doing activities at this age. Why do you ask her? Off course she isn't going to know what the activity actually means. Start swimming maybe as it's actually something she needs to do.