teacher DH needs to leave his job.

[greenteaandchai]

DH is a Maths teacher (A Level). A very good one. He is head of something and many other things I can't remember, he's also SLT.

DH HATES his job. Every day is the anger, the stress, the cries of how much he 'can't do it anymore'.

DH also privately tutors, in fact, he has built such a reputation that he runs a successful company doing it. He earns more privately tutoring than his teacher salary. It helps that I am an accountant so I can do his finances easily.

I've produced cash flows, projections, financial models. I've proved he can quit. I have proved his business could be a massive success. I also have said, if you quit then you can always apply for another job if this fails, there's enough of them. I also earn more than double DH so we can easily survive on my salary.

Up until recently he'd say 'I want to quit' and I'd say 'are you sure? really?' and i'd console, I was the therapist, the ear, the teacher, but all just got angry responses of 'you don't get it'. So now I am saying QUIT. Stop moaning or quit.

AIBU to say that he can easily survive without this job right now and he needs to sort his mental health out? At the moment he is juggling everything well enough but with a lot of stress and occasional mood swings. However, we are TTC and I am clear that he can't juggle when/if we are successful because he is never home at the moment.

Would like to get opinions.

YABU - teaching is security, do it, keep it up
YANBU - do the other business idea, sort your mental health out.

Would be very interested to hear from teachers who have left the profession too.

He should get out. Teaching is soul destroying & he’ll likely end up very ill.

I have used tutors a number of times. Some charge £30 an hour, some £100. Average is around £60 IME.
At £60 an hour, 3 hours an evening of 1:1 tutoring (on weeknights only) would bring in the same salary as full-time school. I know which I’d choose if my heart wasn’t in it.
That said, the tutors that command the highest salaries seem to be those who do it alongside teaching jobs - I think your DH
may be seen as ‘stale’ if he doesn’t keep the salaried job at the same time.

YANBU - how is his current set up sustainable. He will eventually burn out or get Ill. Surely it’s better to take proactive steps to alter his work. sounds Like tutoring is a solid option.

Clearly a serious discussion you need to have it TTc. Who will take leave with the baby, childcare share etc?

If you are saying he earns a lot tutoring and you can afford for him to leave due to salary I think there isn’t a reason he can’t leave unless he is so entrenched in that mindset he can’t fathom what it would be like to have an easier life. Sometimes we stay with what’s comfortable and familiar even if it makes us miserable.

If I was in his position and had that financial backing I’d leave and supply if I felt I really needed to and supplement it with tutoring. Or even retrain into a different career.

I agree. I'm way down the pecking order from Slt and I barely get time to see my family or exercise during the week. I do have a much heavier mark load than a maths teacher, but that tends to be weekends. No way could I tutor as well.

If he's tutoring and teaching in a school then no wonder he's worn out

Could it be that running a successful tutoring company that earns more than teaching is contributing to his stress? He's basically doing two jobs. Teaching is a pretty full on job on it's own.

Either way he could quit and do supply if necessary, he'd never be short of work as a maths teacher.

He runs a company, presumably he’s not the only tutor.

As a parent with an EOTAS programme fully funded by the LA and friends with many others in the same position our experience is that LA's are crying out for tutors and tutor agencies. Our LA prefers agencies because they don't want to add individuals to the pay roll.I would say that as more CYP struggle to attend school and more parents secure EOTAS then there is a real gap in the market. Our LA pay £95ph to secure tutors through an agency to give you an idea of what they pay, materials and exams funded on top.

YANBU!
As you said he can walk back into a job at any time. He can even teach supply if he so desires, there's such a shortage of Maths teachers.
At the same time, there can be a psychological block.. leaving the profession you trained for.. it's not easy to just 'quit'. It's not, how do I put it entirely rational and when he says you 'don't understand' even he may not be able to put into words. Is it fear of being self-employed? Guilt at leaving his students?
With such a high salary surely you could afford some counselling to help him see the light?

Of course this may result in him quitting the tutoring instead but let's be clear he can't really carry on like this. Especially not with kids. That way madness lies

In which case he has to pay all the tutors so it needs even more sessions a week.

If he's supplying tutors to meet LA funded EOTAS programmes though in our LA they pay the agency £95ph.

I don't know how he is managing to fo two jobs. If u can mamage on ur wage then yes I would say go for it. As for those who say part time, I bin there and u can, as I did, use yiurvday off to work to kerp.ahead. For me it meant keeping weekends free. Teaching can zap you of your energy, particularly when you are constantly on the roulette wheel.of changes

The last paragraph here is the crux of it!

I'm very grateful that teaching in Ireland is not the same job at all. It sounds awful in the UK tbh, and I teach in a top tier disadvantaged school so I'm well aware of the challenges.

The pension is good as are the holidays. Suggest he steps down from responsibility and becomes a standard classroom teacher with tutoring on the side.

My husband was an Assistant head on £59k. 15 years of teaching and he couldn't take anymore. We sold our house, moved to Glasgow and bought a lovely flat with tiny little mortgage. He now earns £30k working as a civil servant. He is so so happy now and we love our simple life.

I left teaching 13 years ago and never looked back, I hated every part of it.

dc have a 11plus tutor who is making over 100k, she work hard but compared to being the classroom, she says it’s a doddle.

Years ago I had this problem with my DH. I finally said after 3 years that he could do something about it, eg quit, or stop moaning to me about it, that I'd offered enough listening ears and solutions, both. Now it was his issue.

It also occurred to me that we talked a lot about him and never about me, as a result of that job, and I pointed that out too.

I pay £35 an hour for maths aGCSE tuition in Liverpool. A level is £40. I paid £40 for A level physics in 2017.

Indeed

I agree that the tutoring may become an issue when you have a baby. Maternity leave, not so much but when you go back to work, you will be walking in as he is walking out at the very least.

Is there another business plan that could perhaps include a subscription to online tutoring for specific age groups or exams so his in person tutoring wouldnt eat into what will be your family time so much? Or maybe group tutoring...like "private school lite" so maybe ten students at a time for a couple of hours but focussing on one particular age group.....say Mondays is Primary, Tuesdays is the GCSE group, Wednesday is Senior group, Thursdays is the A Level group for example? The kids get good tutoring but its cheaper than paying for 121 and he is teaching without actually being a teacher in the school sense.

Maybe you could speak to this poster. They seem to be in exactly the same situation and posted the other day…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4899055-to-tell-dh-to-quit-his-job

My late OH hated being a GP - it was making him ill. I said well just quit - you only have one life and we will all rally round and play our part. He went on to do locums instead which was more manageable. I am glad I did - he became ill when he got to retirement age and died relatively young - so at least he did not spend what life he had being miserable.

Does he actually want to quit or just he just need an offload of emotional build up at the end of the day and a sympathetic ear?