teacher DH needs to leave his job.

[greenteaandchai]

DH is a Maths teacher (A Level). A very good one. He is head of something and many other things I can't remember, he's also SLT.

DH HATES his job. Every day is the anger, the stress, the cries of how much he 'can't do it anymore'.

DH also privately tutors, in fact, he has built such a reputation that he runs a successful company doing it. He earns more privately tutoring than his teacher salary. It helps that I am an accountant so I can do his finances easily.

I've produced cash flows, projections, financial models. I've proved he can quit. I have proved his business could be a massive success. I also have said, if you quit then you can always apply for another job if this fails, there's enough of them. I also earn more than double DH so we can easily survive on my salary.

Up until recently he'd say 'I want to quit' and I'd say 'are you sure? really?' and i'd console, I was the therapist, the ear, the teacher, but all just got angry responses of 'you don't get it'. So now I am saying QUIT. Stop moaning or quit.

AIBU to say that he can easily survive without this job right now and he needs to sort his mental health out? At the moment he is juggling everything well enough but with a lot of stress and occasional mood swings. However, we are TTC and I am clear that he can't juggle when/if we are successful because he is never home at the moment.

Would like to get opinions.

YABU - teaching is security, do it, keep it up
YANBU - do the other business idea, sort your mental health out.

Would be very interested to hear from teachers who have left the profession too.

Three weeks into the term and I’m exhausted. I’ve already been monitored. Next week will be evaluated. My books have been scrutinised and scrutiny will now take place every 5-6 weeks. I explained to my husband that it feels like I go to work on Monday morning and finish on Friday afternoon. I feel like I work constantly.

I am looking to leave. I got 82% A*-C pass rate for one of my GCSE classes, 78% for the other and 75% A -C for my A level class and this is in a deprived school with a much lower overall pass rate, so I know I will be missed from the profession. My 25 ish years teaching do actually count for a lot.

But I say if your husband can comfortably leave, leave. Teaching sucks the life from you these days. And it’s not the kids fault either.

And is also SLT in a school and some other responsibility you can’t remember? He’s not doing something properly then. No SLT member I know has time to tutor. Or have a family life. He should just chuck the school job. Why is it even a discussion?

This sounds insane.

If you're planning to have a baby with him, then he needs to be home at least some of the time- he can't be out of the house all day every day of the week. His child(ren) will never see him.

I think it might be time for a conversation about how children change your life in various ways, and one of them is that he doesn't need to be working all hours to earn money that isn't really needed right now. He shouldn't be effectively working two (busy/stressful) jobs and never seeing his child.

I'd basically tell him he needs to pick one and drop the other, for now at least. That it doesn't matter how much he earns- he needs to be present for family life.

I'd imagine only working one job would be a significant improvement to his quality of life!

At the moment, if he left a maths teacher/head of maths role, he could easily find another role in a few years if the tutoring side of things didn't work out or wasn't providing a reliable income stream.

I think the only thing I would consider if he left teaching is his pension- the TPS is a good pension scheme and you may struggle to match it with a private pension. Of course, if he ends up dead from overwork in his 30s/40s/50s, then he won't see the benefits anyway.

He’s greedy. There are ways and means to make his life easier and all he wants to do is moan! Doesn’t sound like he will ever be content!

How about ditching the management stuff and sticking to teaching for a start? It’s not as if there’s a massive amount of marking in Maths! Plus manage the side hustle through the employees and take less of the load on himself?

Work is tough for many of us not just teachers!

This situation will not be sustainable when you have children.

It might not just be about the money. Jobs that are more of a calling like healthcare, teaching, forces etc they sell you a dream of being helpful and useful in society. You get caught up in being a teacher rather than having a job as a teacher. It becomes part of your personality. When you start you can’t ever see yourself leaving, your job is you and your life. It’s hard to admit that the job has ground you down, it’s hard to admit you can’t do it any longer. Even though you cry everyday and say you can’t do it- you can’t walk away. It gets you like an abusive relationship In some ways.

Perhaps have a chat about what waking away would bring up for him and go from there.

I feel a bit cross with him. How can he do all of this well, of course he's going to be stressed and knackered and bad tempered. Absolutely ridiculous. He needs to decide which he wants to concentrate on. I don't feel sorry about his situation at all.