Do you think my DD sounds delayed?

[Cranberrys]

DD is 4 and in reception. She's very smart socially and emotionally but when it comes to anything educational she completely shuts down and says she can't do it and that she doesn't know how. She gets upset and frustrated very quickly to the point of tears.

I'm not talking about anything complex, just trying to teach her to read individual letters of the alphabet to start with, so showing her the letter A, B, C etc and asking her to tell us what letter it is. We've been through it with her so many times I'm astonished she doesn't remember them by now. After alot of encouragement she'll do 'A' and sometimes 'B' but they are said as guesses not in a matter of fact way. When she gets yo 'C' she says 'A' again.

She knows the alphabet verbally but when it comes to recognising the letters she is completely unable or unwilling? to do it.

She's the same with numbers and will only engage if it's something she enjoys like colouring or painting. With reading, writing or anything educational she mucks about and wanders off then gets stressed saying she can't do it.

The reason I'm querying this is because we have both ASD, ADHD and potentially dyspraxia in the family which present differently across the board. If she does have additional needs I would want to get her some support ASAP.

Do you recognise any of this as being a red flag for anything or does she sound typical to you?

Can/could your DD recognise letters and numbers at 4?

Yes they could.

Have you ruled out an issue with her eyesight?

If she’s in Reception then mention it to the teacher, they will have good knowledge of development and be aware of signs to look out for if there is a need that needs to be diagnosed. They will be carrying out regular assessment (usually informally) to see how children are developing towards early learning goals so this will help them to see if there is anything she needs additional help with.

We have yes, her eyes are perfect.

I’m not sure where you’re based but where I am it’s not usual to teach children the names of the letters, rather the phonic sound.

4 is v young and I certainly wouldn’t panic. All kids are different and you don’t say if she’s just 4, or almost 5?

I would not be trying to push letters per se but perhaps be pointing out signs or her name on things or others’ names in the family. Make it part of life.

Eye test would be my first thought too.

Start with lower case and try to stick with what school are doing this week if you can.

(And lower case only)

I meant to ask what has her teacher said?

That's what I'm planning to do next. It's quite difficult to grab 5 minutes to talk to the teacher at pick up or drop off unfortunately. I've written in her reading record book and asked if we can have a chat.

At the end of her first day her teacher did say she'd done a little assessment with her and that she'd done really well but I haven't a clue what the assessment included and didn't have chance to ask as the teacher was rushed off her feet.

Thank you for the replies!

She turned 4 in April. We are based in London.

That's a good point about using phonics and not the names of the letter. I'm probably very behind the times there.

Oh my goodness, she's been at school for what, three weeks?! And I imagine some of that was part-time?

Some schools don't even start phonics straightaway and there's no expectation that she should have done any before starting. In the first few weeks, school is all about settling in, them getting used to the new routine, etc. Even after that, reception is very much play-based with some short spurts of maths and phonics in the morning.

In the nicest way, just chill and be led by the school. I don't imagine the pressure you're putting her under is helping to encourage her.

And yes, you're teaching her wrong in the first place, the priority is to learn the phonics (letter sounds), rather than what each letter is actually called. That has no use in reception.

I’d be inclined to back off for a bit. Some kids are very resistant to what they consider “learning” if it’s their parents doing it. Let the school teach phonics and only do what’s sent home from school with her. Just let her enjoying playing and colouring in her free time. She’s only 4 and has only been at school a couple of weeks. She may well do it for the teacher at school.

Until you know how to help her I would definitely leave well alone. It sounds like you are hindering her at the moment sadly. There will be plenty of time to support her learning in future years 😀.

That's a fair comment, thank you.

I think I may be comparing her development to DS more than I should.

He's 5 and has autism. He didn't speak until almost 3 but seemed to progress so quickly from then. He knew all of his numbers, letters, some basic math and could read clearly by 4. His experience is all I have to go by developmentally as I'm yet to make any 'mum' friends.

That's the thing with autism though I guess. They can excel in certain areas where they lack socially.

I have inattentive ADHD myself and do see alot of myself in DD. School was hell for me (very little awareness about girls in those days) and I'd hate for her to struggle on like I did.

Thank you for the head wobble, I'll back off a bit and let school guide her learning.

going to educate myself on how children are taught these days because I'm obviously a bit of a wally! 😬

Has she been at nursery before school? I also have 4 year old Reception new starter and he does know letters/phonics/numbers but that's mainly because they've done them at nursery for the last year.

Agree with PP - if you are trying to teach her to say the names of the letters and not the phonetic sounds you are probably confusing her horribly!

Try popping her in front of Numberblocks or Alphablocks (BBC iPlayer I think) as she might learn then better in a less stressful situation.

But also talk to the teacher as PP said.

It's hard to say if she's behind as she's only young and has only just started school.

Did she go to nursery, and did they teach the alphabet, numbers etc?

How is she with shapes, colours, drawing, fine motor skills?

What are her play skills like, and what does she enjoy doing?

There's nothing particularly alarming there, but with a range of neurodiversity in the family, I can see why it's on your radar.

I'd keep a record of things that niggle at you over time. Some may just be the awkward end of age appropriate and resolve in time, but if there's more to it, you can see what your concerns have been and what's persisting.

Let school know your concerns and why. Schools vary in their proactiveness, and ability to identify and respond to issues sometimes even when the job is done for them and presented on NHS headed paper Some issues like dyslexia won't be identified until y3 anyway. But if issues persist, that record will help you to identify the nature of the issues.

She went to the same nursery as DS from 2-4 and they did do numbers and letters there yes.

At one point the nursery manager did say she was worried about her not picking things up but by the end of nursery said she didn't have any concerns anymore.

She knows her basic shapes and can recognise those. (Triangle, square, circle, rectangle etc)

She has a great imagination and does alot of imaginative play, loves playing with crayons and colouring in but I don't think she's ever finished one picture in her life bless her.

She colours an arm or a leg (in the barbie colouring book for example) then goes onto the next picture and quickly rushes through the book.

Her fine motor skills are good and she can trace her name on tracing paper, just can't recognise it as her name iykwim.

Some very good advice above thank you!

I've been fortunate enough to get her into a really good school (rated outstanding) so I'm hopeful that if any issues are identified they will be on top of it.

Read to her if she likes books. She might like puzzle books like mazes and join the dots. And the BBC programmes are fun...I am fairly sure my kids learned to read as much from Sesame Street as in school!

Are you trying to teach her the letter names? If so, can I suggest that you don't. She needs to learn the sounds that the letters make.

I would stick to supporting what she is learning at reception and keep it fun.

If you Google teacher Nancy phonics on youtube, you can see how the sounds are taught for each letter. You'll do her no favours if you get it wrong so worth a watch.

My dd has just turned 3 and yes she can recognise some letter and numbers, not all but a good number of each. She has been in nursery since she was a baby though, and they do a lot of teaching there to get them ready for school. Has your dd been in nursery? If not then it may just be that she hasn’t had that teaching before school. I’d see in a few weeks if there’s any improvement and then speak to her teacher.

Please don't worry, they are still so young at this age, plenty of kids aren't really ready for reading until they're 6 or 7, it is a shame that our school system pushes it on them so young