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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you think my DD sounds delayed?

56 replies

Cranberrys · 21/09/2023 17:25

DD is 4 and in reception. She's very smart socially and emotionally but when it comes to anything educational she completely shuts down and says she can't do it and that she doesn't know how. She gets upset and frustrated very quickly to the point of tears.

I'm not talking about anything complex, just trying to teach her to read individual letters of the alphabet to start with, so showing her the letter A, B, C etc and asking her to tell us what letter it is. We've been through it with her so many times I'm astonished she doesn't remember them by now. After alot of encouragement she'll do 'A' and sometimes 'B' but they are said as guesses not in a matter of fact way. When she gets yo 'C' she says 'A' again.

She knows the alphabet verbally but when it comes to recognising the letters she is completely unable or unwilling? to do it.

She's the same with numbers and will only engage if it's something she enjoys like colouring or painting. With reading, writing or anything educational she mucks about and wanders off then gets stressed saying she can't do it.

The reason I'm querying this is because we have both ASD, ADHD and potentially dyspraxia in the family which present differently across the board. If she does have additional needs I would want to get her some support ASAP.

Do you recognise any of this as being a red flag for anything or does she sound typical to you?

Can/could your DD recognise letters and numbers at 4?

OP posts:
TheLeavesAreTurningBrown · 22/09/2023 08:28

I was told my dd was doing well when infact she was massively behind.

Having said that my academically bright dd now 16 wouldn't have known alphabet letters at 4.

She wasn't fast to learn to read either but by year 2 something clicked and she's literally flown ever since, noted by her grammar school for her exceptional writing and reading. So don't panic but definitely keep and eye on it.

Also worth noting children with dyslexia can be phonics blind and learn to read far more easily the old way eg sight reading words.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown · 22/09/2023 08:28

Sorry that wasn't clear, 16 year old has had different path to younger who I was told was "doing well".

notanotherclairebear · 22/09/2023 14:43

My daughter was 4 in February so a bit older than yours, but has also just started reception. I have no concerns about her development. She can't recognise letters of the alphabet and name them as you've described. She can recognise the sounds that they've learned so far - but the phonetic sound, not the 'alphabet'. It wouldn't be something I'd worry about OP

KittyKat859 · 22/09/2023 19:03

Haven't RTFT so this has probably already been mentioned, but she should be learning the sounds of letters at the moment, not the letter names. If she's been learning the letter sounds at school, then you trying to teach her the letter names is probably a bit confusing. I've been a teacher for 5 years and we don't usually teach letter names until a bit later on.

Jellycats4life · 22/09/2023 21:54

Cranberrys · 21/09/2023 23:19

Jellycats - YY to the spiky profile and hyperlexia.

He goes to a school solely for children with autism and another mum did say she wondered why he was there as he wasn't like her child or a couple of the others she knew.

He'd never cope in mainstream though as socially and emotionally he functions well below his chronological age. He can speak pretty well but has absolutely no concept of social norms, doesn't cope with sharing and has very little tolerance for other children (we're working on that) , has massive sensory processing difficulties and there's alot of demand avoidance that mainstream just wouldn't be able to accommodate.... yet can read as well as his 12yo brother 😁

This is so like my own son, right down to learning to read before he could speak. I didn’t know he could read until he could say the words he was reading, iyswim.

Unfortunately for my son, he’s in mainstream because nothing seems to exist for a child like him. Although socially and emotionally he’s below his peers, he masks pretty well, so teachers don’t really notice. Yes to the sensory difficulties, absolutely no care for social norms (licking snot off his fingers, continual coughing and sniffing are the main ones). As for the demand avoidance, well that one may just finish me off. I thought my life was difficult until the demand avoidance ramped up a gear, now I feel like I’m drowning 🙃

Ponche · 25/09/2023 11:30

Cranberrys · 21/09/2023 23:04

Thanks all. I've taken everything on board.

I've got a parent who struggles to read and write (highly likely to be dyslexia but was never diagnosed)

Two autistic DS' (one diagnosed and the other is about to start on the pathway)

DS1 with the ASD diagnosis is also due to be assessed for ADHD when he turns 6.

I have an autistic DSS who school also suspects may have dyspraxia.

I have inattentive ADHD myself and DH has what's formerly known as aspergers.. so we're a very wonky bunch!

With all that in mind, a part of me felt that DD having some form of neurodivergence was inevitable.. but I do agree I need to relax and stop fretting atleast for the time being.

Somebody asked about her memory.. it's brilliant. She does not forget a thing. She reminds me with complete clarity about things that happened ages ago.

To the PP who asked what helped with DS1's progress with speech etc. A few things:

Nursery we feel was a vital step as it put him in social situations he'd otherwise avoid like the plague. He was always happy being on his own and as we had got to know his cues so well and used PECS cards he never really had any need to 'speak' iykwim? Being around other kids definitely helped to bring it out of him.

DD (who was born when he was 15m) was an early talker and would chat his head off non stop so he had that intensive interaction too.

The kids tv program 'Yaka dee' was brilliant and it was using their "you say..." leading technique that broadened his vocabulary. I remember one day trying it and couldn't believe my ears when he repeated the word back to me. Well that was it I was off.... "DS, You say... apples" (insert 101 other words) and he repeated every one. Mate, I squealed like a banshee. It was like a switch flipped actually. If your LO doesn't already watch it then I definitely reccomend it.

Then came the scripting. He'd hear phrases on the telly or on his tablet and memorise them then use them in context.

I believe he taught himself to read before he could speak, as strange as that sounds. Due to the speech delay we focused largely on encouraging communication and didn't really encourage him to read or recognise words. I discovered he could read when he started reading out words from the tv adverts. As above with the speech, I was flabbergasted.

I can see now that I hugely underestimated him when he was non verbal and he actually understood so, so much more than I gave him credit for.

When he was diagnosed I pleaded with his paediatrician to tell me how 'severe' she thought he was as they'd stop labelling in terms of severity by then but she did say he was 'severely affected' which is pretty much the same thing isn't it?

We didn't think he'd ever speak to be honest and were starting to come to terms with that.

He used to bang his head on the floor all of the time and have the most god awful meltdowns, we couldn't take him anywhere as it was just too much for him but he has come on so much now. He'll be 6 in January.

He still has meltdowns but alot less frequently as he can communicate his needs now.

Don't lose hope, your LO is still so young (and I do remember the feelings of hopelessness) and has so much time to progress. One of my good friends who doesn't have any diagnosed conditions didn't start to talk until 3.5

Hang in there x

Thank you so, so much, that gives me some hope. She’s just started private speech and language therapy and starting nursery next month so hopefully she will get there eventually. I will give Yakka Dee a try.

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