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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the world would be a better place without sex/sexual feelings

77 replies

Birdsonawireoopthere · 21/09/2023 13:19

Obviously they’d be a different way of making babies etc
Maybe it’s just menopausal me who has no interest in sex currently, but even when younger, although I enjoyed it at times, it’s often all about men. I fancied men and imagined kissing them etc and being in love with them, but didn’t necessarily think about sex-maybe that’s weird and just me?
Just imagine the world could be a better place, men would be so much kinder, no rape/sexual assault, no pedophiles (sp) no more horrible porn on the internet
So much grubbiness would be gone

OP posts:

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 21/09/2023 16:08

Xrays · 21/09/2023 13:41

I agree with the second part but I think rape and sexual assault are absolutely to do with sex.

Show quote history

Definitely not. If men were raping women to get sex why, for example, did Russell Brand (allegedly) have to rape someone? He had women queuing up to sleep with him. It's absolutely about power.

Xrays · 21/09/2023 16:10

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 21/09/2023 16:08

Definitely not. If men were raping women to get sex why, for example, did Russell Brand (allegedly) have to rape someone? He had women queuing up to sleep with him. It's absolutely about power.

Show quote history

Well, yes but I think it’s about both. If it’s just about power then men would just murder women without any sexual involvement. And yes, sometimes they do. But sex and sexual desire is sadly very much part of it.

HootyMcBoob · 21/09/2023 16:15

Absolutely not! I adore sex and still think about it a lot despite being in my late 40s. I'm fortunate in that my DP also has a very high sex drive so our sex lives together have always been fantastic.

RandomID · 21/09/2023 16:16

As somebody who is aromantic and mostly asexual, I agree completely. There are very odd times when I feel desire, but it’s vanishingly rare. Sex and romance really do fuck some people up.

DaisyAster · 21/09/2023 16:57

I was thinking today that it would be simpler in some ways to be aesexual. For the stage of life at I'm at, and what I'm concentrating on, wanting sex just gets in the way.

Also, get a bit sick of hearing that all women can get sex from men whenever they want. Even if some women can get sex, they cannot get safe, good sex with nice partners whenever they want.

In fact, even the fact that's bitterly said by some men shows an assumption by some that men will sleep with anyone as all women are objects.

JamSandle · 21/09/2023 17:02

I agree OP. Life would be simpler and purer.

LemonPeonies · 21/09/2023 17:03

You sound asexual which is fine, but not everyone is. I'd be hella bored 😅

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 21/09/2023 17:04

But then the greatest pleasure in the world would be gone 😓

BatshitCrazyWoman · 21/09/2023 17:06

God no, you're being most unreasonable, OP. I love sex (and am most probably post-menopausal). One of the greatest pleasures of life.

Bubop · 21/09/2023 17:14

This thread is making me worried about the menopause… I really hope I don’t lose my sex drive.

Good, consensual sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Getting rid of it wouldn’t stop people hurting one another, but it would take a lot of joy out of the world.

ClearThisUp · 21/09/2023 17:15

YADNBU

I have wondered this often.

Girls would ve able to grow up in peace, no harrasment.

Self-esteem would ve much higher.
No beauty standards, imposiible boxes to fit, just to fit to the male gaze.

Women would be much nicer to each other.

Violence, at least againts women, would drop.

No more children and women kidnapped and trafficked to men’s sexual wants.

Porn and all it’s harm would be gone.

Men would stop oppressing women.

The list is endless when you think about it.

We would be so much healthier.
Girls and women would be so much safer.

Findyourneutralspace · 21/09/2023 17:16

I’m interested in these alternative reproduction methods

Original poster

Birdsonawireoopthere · 21/09/2023 17:17

@ClearThisUp So many things would be different

OP posts:

Original poster

Birdsonawireoopthere · 21/09/2023 17:20

@QueenCoconut 100%

Thank you, you were able to put across what I mean in a better way than I can!

It goes so much further than liking sex or not, I’m definitely not asexual and have enjoyed it lots in the past, the wider benefits of having no sex:sexual feelings could be so beneficial in society, especially for women/girls.

I agree about religion also..and money..

OP posts:

gannett · 21/09/2023 17:27

Not just a bonkers idea but a weirdly blinkered one. I notice the OP and those who agree with her don't acknowledge that sex can bring women a lot of pleasure - it's framed as "all about men" with no interrogation of that frankly insane premise. Focusing more on what women want is needed; it's a leap to end up at banning sex altogether.

And it's far from the root cause of the world's evils. You could argue (much more persuasively) that the world would be a better place without religion; or money; or capitalism; or even, if you really want to go there, the intense desire to reproduce.

Not really a surprise on MN, though, which is about the most anti-sex place on the internet. Men's sexual feelings are treated with disgust (as if all male desire is either perverted, or adjacent to perverted); women's sexual feelings don't tend to be acknowledged, but you often get the feeling that those posters are the sort who barely restrain themselves from calling other women sluts and hussies.

Just because you don't enjoy sex - and you're perfectly free to do that - doesn't mean erasing the fact that many others do.

Original poster

Birdsonawireoopthere · 21/09/2023 17:29

@gannett I never said I didn’t enjoy sex, I do and many women do, it isn’t about that or about putting men down as being disgusting creatures 🤷🏻‍♀️

Money and religion have also been noted

OP posts:

ClearThisUp · 21/09/2023 17:38

posters are the sort who barely restrain themselves from calling other women sluts and hussies.

MN also love to call women prudes, pearl clutcherers, frigid , vanilla etc.
Actually, you usually see this much more than what you wrote.

Also re: religion, money, capitalism.
I’d say those started from men’s sexuality, and men’s entitlement to it.

Mooshamoo · 21/09/2023 17:38

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 21/09/2023 16:08

Definitely not. If men were raping women to get sex why, for example, did Russell Brand (allegedly) have to rape someone? He had women queuing up to sleep with him. It's absolutely about power.

Show quote history

I don't think it was about power with russell brand. It was a sense of total entitlement.

I noticed when watching the documentary about him, that two of the women who said they were raped/attempted raped by him, had sex with him willingly before.

One woman said she met him at an aa meeting and slept with him willingly at the start. Then they became friends.

Then one day much later, they were just fri new, she was around his house and he took all his clothes off and jumped on her and pinned her to the bed. She didn't want it and fought him off.

I can smell the absolute sense of entitlement from him, where he thought "if I've had sex with her before, I can have sex with her again whenever I want".

I've seen that thought pattern in men like him before. They are entitled and they think that if a woman says yes to sex once, that he can just assume that he can have sex any time he wants with her. When in fact he has to check for consent every time

Mooshamoo · 21/09/2023 17:41

BatshitCrazyWoman · 21/09/2023 17:06

God no, you're being most unreasonable, OP. I love sex (and am most probably post-menopausal). One of the greatest pleasures of life.

I think a lot of people on here are being selfish and are missing the point. It's not about whether we personally like sex. Most people like sex.

The question is - would we make the sacrifice - to make sex stop existing , to stop all the abuse and cruelty in the world.

I would. I wouldn't just think about myself . I'd think about the bigger picture

Blueeyedmale · 21/09/2023 17:41

Sex is meant to be enjoyed between 2 people who are in a loving commited relationship, or a mutual agreement between 2 people if that's your thing, sadly we live in a world where a lot of men/boys think its OK to sexualise women and girls,this is a problem on a endemic scale affecting girls as young as 11,as a man its quite heartbreaking hearing of this behavior the typical male response is I'm not like that so its not my concern

I think its every man's responsibility to challenge this behavior if they see it and to educate their sons on how to respect women and girls,sexual feelings and sex have a place and time but that time is not a woman or girl walking down the street wearing what she feels confident in and having to put up with disgusting comments or eyes all over her

Xrays · 21/09/2023 17:43

Bubop · 21/09/2023 17:14

This thread is making me worried about the menopause… I really hope I don’t lose my sex drive.

Good, consensual sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Getting rid of it wouldn’t stop people hurting one another, but it would take a lot of joy out of the world.

As one of those in the menopause who has lost interest in it I can say that it doesn’t bother me at all that I’ve lost interest in it. So don’t worry if it does happen to you, if you’re like me (and I know not everyone is before the pile on begins) you won’t be sad about it. It will be like you used to love crisps or something and now you’re not remotely into them anymore and would be happy if you never ate another one. It really is like a switch in your head for a lot of women. (I’m on a menopause forum and it’s a very common feeling- again- not for everyone - but for many).

longwayoff · 21/09/2023 17:45

It would be a bit empty.

Xrays · 21/09/2023 17:46

And I’m on HRT before someone suggests it.

StopStartStop · 21/09/2023 17:49

Absolutely not! Keep the sex.
I'm 65, and not on hormones.

Mooshamoo · 21/09/2023 18:10

Men are out of control though. I definitely would like to live in a less sexualised world.

I was at a hotel a while ago. Solo travelling.

I went outside to join the other solo travellers for a chat. People were sitting at a picnic becnh style table. Three men and me. Another woman was there but she went off. The three men were talking politely to me about their travels. I went in to use the bathroom and came back out. I said "what were you talking about". One of the men said "oh we were talking about having a gang bang with three men and one woman hahahaha, and then high fived each other".

And these were men in late thirties / forties. I was shook

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