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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this Christening?

130 replies

HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 18:44

Family member lives 2 hours away and I have just found out they are planning to have their dc christened. I am very surprised as neither parent attends church and they didn't get married in church.
The whole thing feels like a hypocritical farce, I don't think I can sit there and listen to them make promises they have no intention of keeping just for the sake of a party.

OP posts:
SoRainbowRhythms · 20/09/2023 18:45

Don't go then 🤷🏻‍♀️

BlondeFool · 20/09/2023 18:46

Don't go. It's an invite not a summons.

BlondeFool · 20/09/2023 18:46

I'm the opposite. I love any excuse for a party.

minipeony · 20/09/2023 18:48

Of course you don't have to go. Or you could go and cause awkwardness by asking them questions about their church and giving the child a bible based gift

ZekeZeke · 20/09/2023 18:49

How close is this family member? If it's a sibling I would go.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/09/2023 18:49

Have you even been invited? I am aware most christenings happen within a normal church service so that the child is welcomed by the church (meaning the congregation) so that anyone can attend as, apparently, is the case for a wedding! But it you are not actually invited it's not something you need to think about. If you are invited you can either accept if you want to, or to decline gracefully. Unless you are asked to be a godparent I doubt it it is going to make a huge difference to the parents anyway.

Original poster
HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 18:57

The christening isn't part of a regular service and I would be expected to be there.

OP posts:
YouHoooo · 20/09/2023 18:57

I’d go, but I love a party (and my family).

ColleenDonaghy · 20/09/2023 18:59

For many people, the Christening is about raising their children within their culture, even if they don't follow the faith any more. It's important to them that their children have similar cultural roots. I'm not saying I agree with it, my children aren't christened, but I can understand the cultural reasons behind it.

For whatever reason, your relatives have decided this is important to them - doesn't sound like that kind of thing that's worth a rift.

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 20/09/2023 19:01

You should always follow your conscience. If it goes against your conscience to go then you shouldn't. That said, it isn't the DC's fault so if they'd miss you I'd consider it.

We had family not come to our son's baptism because they disapprove of baptism. I respect their opinion and there has been no rift but then I make decisions based on thoughts not feelings and this is quite unusual.

Original poster
HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 19:05

I am actually an active member of my local church and my faith is very important to me. I'm shocked that this christening is happening as the babys parents are so anti church, it feels so hypocritical.

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 20/09/2023 19:06

My sister and brother haven’t been to church since their baptisms.
They had their children baptized.
So what?
Judge not that ye be not judged.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/09/2023 19:08

Is it definitely a church christening and not a humanist type one?

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 20/09/2023 19:09

minipeony · 20/09/2023 18:48

Of course you don't have to go. Or you could go and cause awkwardness by asking them questions about their church and giving the child a bible based gift

I bought a bible as a christening gift once. My then DPs little sister was being Christened at her own request, we were Godparents. Apparently it was a stupid present and I was forcing my beliefs on her Hmm

ColleenDonaghy · 20/09/2023 19:09

HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 19:05

I am actually an active member of my local church and my faith is very important to me. I'm shocked that this christening is happening as the babys parents are so anti church, it feels so hypocritical.

I understand your view, and I agree with it in truth (from the pov of an atheist), but is it worth a rift? Not attending a family christening that you have been invited to, especially if you come right out and say it's because you think they're being hypocritical, is quite the statement. Are you ready for all that will come with it?

Would it not be better to go, catch up with family and wish the new parents well?

Tyremarks · 20/09/2023 19:11

But have you been invited?

Maybe go, bring a cross and some nails and perform the message of Christianity in modern dance beside the font.

Lifeinlists · 20/09/2023 19:11

No one is asking you to make any promises. Have they told you they have no intention of keeping the promises or are you guessing?

Whatever, they're entitled to get the child christened if it's a CofE church and they live in the parish, whether they believe it all or not.

Just go and enjoy a bit of a family celebration - unless you don't like them, in which case don't bother.

Albless · 20/09/2023 19:12

Perhaps they have come to faith.

Original poster
HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 19:12

Definitely a church .....C of E

They can do what they want, but I feel uncomfortable be part of it knowing that they are making promises that they don't have any intention of keeping.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/09/2023 19:13

Don’t go. Your sourpuss face won’t be appreciated.

Mumdiva99 · 20/09/2023 19:13

I wouldn't worry. They may not invite you to come!!

Iloveacurry · 20/09/2023 19:13

Say yes but then be “ill”.

Original poster
HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 19:14

Definitely haven't come to faith.

Openly saying that they have no intention of ever attending church.

OP posts:
Meeting · 20/09/2023 19:15

Are they doing it in anticipation of getting into a good faith school in their area?

Seems weird to have a christening just for the party when they could just do a birthday party.

HadEnoughOfBears · 20/09/2023 19:15

HolidaysMakeMeHappy · 20/09/2023 19:05

I am actually an active member of my local church and my faith is very important to me. I'm shocked that this christening is happening as the babys parents are so anti church, it feels so hypocritical.

Well you'll know all about not judging others until you are prefect yourself then won't you?