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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let 3 of my kids have their own computers?

161 replies

Rosbo · 04/03/2008 19:11

my MIL thinks its spoilt to let them have their own computers, however they are teenagers and use them for schoolwork as well as other things such as social networking sites like facebook and MSN messenger with their friends. Many of their friends have their own laptops or computers too. My dd2 aged 16, recently described herself as "Complete" when her hair straighteners were fixed as she "found it hard to cope" without them. Are my kids becoming too materialistic for their own good?

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 04/03/2008 23:39

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thestands · 04/03/2008 23:45

Rosbo, a laptop each is ok, it was just one of those things that evolved and your daughters are 16 and 17, at that age they could of decided to buy their own. I am sure they have all there course work on them, this way they are responsible if it gets deleted not anyone else.
What is Not ok is my friends daughter. The dad brought her a pc for her 16th birthday (may '06) and fro xmas '07 brought her a laptop, because (and you will not believe this) she needed to bebo (or whatever) over her boyfriends, and obviously can't take her pc. Now that's unreasonable and spoilt to the point of putrefaction. 17 and owns a pc AND a laptop!!!!

Original poster

Rosbo · 05/03/2008 00:01

That is unreasonable, and that would not happen in my house.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 05/03/2008 08:43

Totally agree with Rosbo and MF - it's easy to sit there and decide that you won't allow your children these things until they get there but "times are 'a changing" I'm afraid and I doubt very much that you will all stick to these convictions when you have 14yolds plus going forward.

My children are certainly not spoilt, they don't get everything they want, or that their friends have, by a long way as we just don't have the money but they don't ask for things anyway so as I said - not spoilt.
We felt a computer was necessary for dd1 and she wanted/ needed one for school and her social life but it was a joint present for Christmas and Birthday from me and my Dad.
I fought it internally at first as I am a book lover and we regularly have lessons on using dictionaries and encyclopedias but to be brutally honest, how many of us actually use books for research these days when it is far more convenient and you can obtain far more information quickly from the internet.

My children would struggle without computers in the house and I didn't want mine monopolised by msn and youtube etc, or with the school learning website (SAM) which is an invaluable tool for their revision coming up for SATS and GCSE work.

Incidentally it's not a private school thing either - both my children are at the 'not very good' state school.

Wisteria · 05/03/2008 08:57

I forgot to say - you never know exactly what your teenagers are doing all the time anyway I'm afraid, as soon as they are out and about on their own or with their friends you just have to hope and pray that all the lessons you've instilled over the years have gone in. I can't see why internet usage is so different.

You educate your children for as long as you can (in my case ongoing), make sure that you talk regularly and trust that they are as wise as you have brought them up to be.

I still check up on them now and again, just for my own peace of mind - but they have never caught me

My parents didn't have a clue what was going on in my life after I was about 14 so I view MSN and other sites as a bit of an aid these days - at least we have a way of finding out what is really going on!

southeastastra · 05/03/2008 09:02

yes i'd let them, computers are a necessity now for teenagers, like it or not.

my ds(14) only has safe search and i do check on what he looks at constantly

Loshad · 05/03/2008 09:12

I don't think your children sound spoilt Rosbo, and I do think some of the posters here are going to have a nasty shock when their dc's become teenagers, and no longer want to spend all their time in their parents company. With or without a laptop teenagers need some space away from their parents - it's not the laptops that make them antisocial.

AngharadGoldenhand · 05/03/2008 09:13

Your kids sound normal, Rosbo, not spoilt.

FWIW, we have a lot of computers too.

Eulalia · 05/03/2008 09:18

Two of my kids have their own computers and they are only 8 and 5! However they aren't connected to the internet and just used for games. ds1 has a strategy game which he loves. dd uses hers for spelling, maths and drawing programmes. Sometimes they use our computer (supervised) to go onto cBeebies.

We've not used the TV for a month and I'd rather they were doing something which involves participation rather than being passive. They still watch DVDs though.

We've not spent a fortune, dh got some stuff from work they were chucking out and just got a couuple of cheap monitors and set them up himself.

I think these days computers are so cheap that it is affordable for a teenager to have their own. At least if they are at home using it then you aren't worrying about them.

Eulalia · 05/03/2008 09:20

Oh and just had a quick skim through - my ds has autism and finds writing difficult. So the teacher is getting him a laptop to type up his work on and he can take it home to do homework. As I said he is only 8. Laptops are just extensions of pencil and paper really if you look at it one way.

nzshar · 05/03/2008 09:39

I dont see any problem with having their own computers once they hit secondary school. In our house I have my own desktop (shared with ds-3)Dp has his own desktop, dss(14) has his own and has done since 11 and we also have a laptop.Though the fact dp is in I.T. may be part of the reason.
All this talk about interaction with family etc is funny. I certainly dont remember interacting that much with my family at 13 and beyond. If I wasnt on the phone then was in my bedroom blasting out music on my tapedeck and writing moody poems Teenagers as far as I remember dont do interaction.
As long as there are programs and measures put in place so that the parents are in control, such as switching off internet at a certain time and running programs to allow what is being looked at then as others have said it is actually a easier way to know what is going on in your teenagers life. My parents didnt have a clue!

larry5 · 05/03/2008 15:06

My dd who is now 15 had her first computer about 5 years ago as she was given our old one. Both computers were linked to the internet and were in the same room - a spare bedroom turned into a study. We moved house when she was 14 and her computer was put in her bedroom as we felt we could trust her. Her computer died and so we bought a family laptop which is used mainly by dd but she has now decided not to use it in her bedroom but downstairs in the dining room next to us.

If we had more than one teenager we would need another computer as dd has a lot of coursework to do at times and if dh and I wanted to use a computer it would be difficult to get onto it with 2 teenagers in the house.

KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 15:28

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MotherFunk · 05/03/2008 18:21

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Wisteria · 05/03/2008 19:04

Kids don't need half the stuff they have if you go down that route (but I don't equate need to dying without it, bit daft IMO) but I think they will feel left out and unable to fit in and become a part of the teenage social circle.
I think I would have found it hard to accept all this if I didn't have teenagers and hadn't been through it.

My Dad banned the phone when we were younger and it seriously curtailed my social life - it's important to 'fit in' at that age.

KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:05

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KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:08

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KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:11

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Wisteria · 05/03/2008 19:12

This thread is specifically about teenagers though , not children under 11 - different argument.

Just because children have always been bullied, doesn't make it acceptable or right. As parents if we can help them to grow up without that then it's a good thing.

KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:15

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MotherFunk · 05/03/2008 19:24

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MotherFunk · 05/03/2008 19:26

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KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:30

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KnickersOnMaHead · 05/03/2008 19:33

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Wisteria · 05/03/2008 19:38

It isn't so much about bullying IMO - my dds would not get bullied if she didn't have one - she would just feel left out and not part of the group she is in.

Bullying does not happen to everyone actually but I am very sorry for what you've been through KomH , some children do get bullied but schools are trying very hard to address this.

When mobiles first came on the scene everyone said 'oh it's unnecessary' 'I'll never have one' etc etc. I thnk you'd be hard pushed to find anyone over the age of 14 without one now - it's accepted. laptops/pcs will be the same in a few years time if they aren't already IMO.

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