I still fancy RB

[WesterChick]

I've watched the documentary.

I still fancy RB.

I identify as a radical feminist.

I'm married with kids.

I think that if you are a heterosexual woman, you are either in denial on what men are or you accept what they are but find them irresistibly sexually attractive and so continue to be with them.

RB is simply what the vast majority of men would be like if they could get away with it.

Therefore - and because he's bloody good looking, funny and intelligent - and sexy - I will continue to fancy the pants off him.

I think women who are being all shocked and descusted at his behaviour need to consider what men are actually like. There's not some massive demarcation between him and other men.

'Bloody good looking' ...🤔

RB is a sleazy bastard who should be locked up and the key thrown if proved guilty and no reflection on any other men in this world there are bad and good in all sexes

Ok but let’s not pretend that it’s not mostly men raping mostly women, that doesn’t help anyone either.

RB is simply what the vast majority of men would be like if they could get away with it.

I think women who are being all shocked and descusted at his behaviour need to consider what men are actually like. There's not some massive demarcation between him and other men.*
*

I'm taking it that OP feels she isn't saying or feeling anything particularly outrageous.

By still fancying RB she feels she's not far off other women, who fancy men, since essentially " they're all" pretty much the same as him.

It hinges on how she sees men. They're all a version of this predatory abuser anyway . So she's not doing or saying anything radical.

Personally couldn't disagree more but hey.

Oh wind you neck in if you cannot handle a father on MN, its a fact all rapists are men by the very legal definition of rape. 🙄

Therefore - and because he's bloody good looking

.... really?!? to me he looks like a squirrel that has been infected syphillis

You’ve had some serious physical or emotional abuse in your past to even consider writing this OP and then posting it.

I hope you get the help you need.

I also hope you, your sister or any female is your life is never raped or sexually assaulted by anyone who gets away with it because they are ‘funny’.

Shame on you Mumsnet for not deleting this abhorrent thread.

What the fuck?!! Literally no need for an attitude.

That's not what people are saying

The facts is most men who HAVE committed sexual assault or rape don't even see themselves as having done it

I've worked professionally with rape crisis . The largest category of rapist is the compensatory rapist , and they do NOT see themselves as rapists

The five categories are :
1/ the sadistic rapist - the likes of Fred west
2/ the angry rapist - often a frenzied attack , eg, Yorkshire ripper
3/ the opportunistic rapist - will use violence as a way of getting g sex but don't get off on the violence itself and will blame the victim

4/ the compensatory rapist what I'm talking about * they never use violence ,a d the most difficult to investigate. They are complex and clever . The DO NOT think they are rapists . They have distorted thinking and tell the,selves women like it, no means yes really, believe that women think they should be mind readers , and will normalise their behaviour. The CpS will often say there is not enough evidence.

This all came from an eminent psychologist I worked with who worked for rape crisis

They are by far the largest category of men who rape and will NEVER frame themselves as being rapists .

But none of you women or men here know anyone capable ? Oh I bet you do . You just don't know it because they don't know it.

And before anyone points it out I. Ow that's 4 categories. My point remains .

But none of you women or men here know anyone capable ? Oh I bet you do . You just don't know it because they don't know it.

And is that category ALL men?

What is the 5th kind, just out of interest?

In context , yes - because you do not know who is in category 4 . Remember that men in that category Do NOT see themselves as rapists and as Brand has done here , deny and refute .

Statistically rape is a very easy crime to get away with.

So now , from my own experience of being raped , and through my work, I would view all men with a penis capable of potentially raping a woman .

Of course there are kind, gentle good men who understand consent.

But there is no way of knowing who they are. I'm sure RB wife would say she does not recognise her husband as a rapist . He has not done it to her .

He has apparently done it to others .

Your personal experience of a man is not everyone else's . I'm. It a man hater. I enjoyed being married. I enjoy sex . But my eyes are open .

Sorry loopy there are in fact 4 categories not 5. I had to go and refer to my notes from the rape masterclass delivered by rape crisis.

I think ALL women and men should have that input and ALL police forces and CPS should have it .

People go on to have relationships, marry men In cat 4 because even the perpetrators wouldn't view themselves in terms of having committed a rape . Someone fancies these men , someone marries them , often in blissful ignorance.

There will be people within your own social circles that you would never believe or know have committed rape .

Statistically it's a fact . Do you think Brands friends and family actually KNEW he had raped . . ? Or do you think they thought he was promiscuous and playing the field ?

Your personal experience of a man is not everyone else's . I'm. It a man hater. I enjoyed being married. I enjoy sex . But my eyes are open .

Totally agree my personal is not everyone else's. That's what I said to OP , our works view's are different.

I'm sure the eminent psychologist knows their stuff but I do not view every man as a rapist, given the chance.

Let's put it like this if they were race horses I know which ones I'd put a bet on.

But OP potentially knows RB is a rapist ( still to be confirmed ) or at the very least predatory and abusive . That's what I'm interested in really.

He does come with that 'neon sign'.

'our world views'

Lets put it like this if they were race horses I know which ones I'd put a bet on.

That is a complete misnomer . You are simply perpetuating the myths around rape .

I'm heterosexual and definitely not attracted to RB. Wasn't before all of this came out. He is incredibly pretentious and looks like he's riddled with STDs. No thank you.

That is a complete misnomer . You are simply perpetuating the myths around rape .

I don't want to perpetuate any myths around rape.

I clearly have not done any in depth research into the subject nor liaised with any eminent psychologists in discussion.

Regardless , I don't agree with OP that "all men are" essentially not much different from RB. No. And plenty on here have echoed that view.

And in direct ref to OP, even if RB was my type, I would not still fancy him knowing what he was capable of. I find that puzzling in the extreme, among other things.

I question what this OP is all about tbh. I think it's very look at me and doesn't do anyone any favours especially as OP isn't discussing her point.

@bemorebernard

There will be men who are perceived as sleazy and promiscuous who absolutely understand consent .

There are also men who appear wholesome and right on who don't .

People fancy what they fancy . I don't berate the op . And fame / prestige/ fortune make men more attractive to some women .

I'm not having a go sunglassess but yes it's clear many women do not understand the psychology around rape and rapists .

And that's fine if you've never had to .

I didn't tell anyone about my rape . I then told one colleague and swore her to secrecy. I was embarrassed. How could I let that happen to me ? And that's also a thing . Victim guilt .

I felt I should have known better. I also
tend to go for unconventional men - so I do understand the ops frame of reference. It's so easy to say "how could you not know " when it's become public .

I think you can have an idea. I had an ex who had been accused of rape as a teenager. It had been an extremely distressing experience for him- his parents were told, the police spoke to him, etc. He was absolutely adamant that she had consented, and she eventually withdrew the allegation. And when I was with him, I believed this and would have said so. He never raped me, or tried to.

But. He did pester for sex, and sulk when he didn’t get it. He was entirely focused on the injustice of the false accusation, and in general on his own needs and feelings, not anyone else’s. With hindsight, actually I do believe that he could have raped her. He’s not a bad man or a violent man. He’s just utterly self-centred and was never taught that the world doesn’t revolve around him. Everyone who knows him would recognise that description. They’d just be very reluctant to follow it to its natural conclusion. I’m entirely prepared to believe that there are as many men like that as there are the genuinely decent ones.

People fancy what they fancy . I don't berate the op . And fame / prestige/ fortune make men more attractive to some women .

Don't think I've berated her.

Don't share her world view though or her taste in men.

And my brain affects my sexual preferences.

Loopy you only had "an ideal" though because you knew of the previous accusation and then put it together with your own experience.

If you'd never been privy to that allegation would you have still had "an idea"? Be honest.

We need to start teaching children about consent from a young age . Both sexes . Only when people actually understand the concept of true and informed consent will this change .