Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I still fancy RB

656 replies

WesterChick · 19/09/2023 23:16

I've watched the documentary.

I still fancy RB.

I identify as a radical feminist.

I'm married with kids.

I think that if you are a heterosexual woman, you are either in denial on what men are or you accept what they are but find them irresistibly sexually attractive and so continue to be with them.

RB is simply what the vast majority of men would be like if they could get away with it.

Therefore - and because he's bloody good looking, funny and intelligent - and sexy - I will continue to fancy the pants off him.

I think women who are being all shocked and descusted at his behaviour need to consider what men are actually like. There's not some massive demarcation between him and other men.

OP posts:
WesterChick · 20/09/2023 10:30

'Descusted' was me being flippant. I can spell. But those picking up on that to suggest I'm a child, a troll or in some way deficient are merely showing themselves up.

OP posts:
WesterChick · 20/09/2023 10:31

Is there a spelling test to be admitted to radfemdom? Lol

OP posts:
Lollyloup91 · 20/09/2023 10:31

I don't fancy RB. But I admit that men are men and they are programmed to have sexual desires (more than women are), and yes as humans we should "know better", just as women should know better than to have an affair.
There's a fine line between what's funny and silly and makes women feel attractive and what's creepy and too much, and sometimes the line is a grey area. If you're a comedian then it's even harder because people want you to be funny.
I agree that it was sick he was shagging a 16 year old after school, and he's probably a perve, but some of what he did/said probably wasn't as bad as people make it out to be.

bemorebernard · 20/09/2023 10:36

Ok, hear me out , I kind of get where op is coming from

In all honesty I think most men have either behaved the way RB has , or would if they could

I mean who hasn't been pestered for sex when they didn't want it
Or flattered into bed
Or had sex when they didn't really feel like it to shut someone up and have a quiet life

Or , even been sexually assaulted , by men who would never ever see themselves as a rapist or abuser ?

On a date once , I consented to sex , but halfway through the guy decided to try and go from consensual vaginal sex to anal , without asking, without warning, like it was just fine . And then he laughed it off . That was the last time I ever ever had sex on a first date

If I'd contacted the guy and said oh by the way , that was rape mate , he wouldn't have had a clue

I once did a rape masterclass conducted by rape crisis
Its amazing how most men who do commit rape would never ever see themselves as a rapist or perpetrator of sexual assault , scary in fact , and yet these account for most of the rapes carried out,

So I do get where op is coming from , because I'm sure most men who e committed acts of assault and rape still manage to date , marry , etc unless they have rapist tattooed on their forehead .

CherryMaDeara · 20/09/2023 10:38

WesterChick · 20/09/2023 10:30

'Descusted' was me being flippant. I can spell. But those picking up on that to suggest I'm a child, a troll or in some way deficient are merely showing themselves up.

Ah ok, so ‘descusted’ was meant to convey that women who are shocked by RB’s behaviour are illiterate and dumb?

itsmyp4rty · 20/09/2023 10:40

'I think that if you are a heterosexual woman, you are either in denial on what men are or you accept what they are but find them irresistibly sexually attractive and so continue to be with them.'

I think you've summed up why at 50 I realised I was no longer interested in men in any way. I do know a couple that are genuinely good people. They're like hens teeth though.

I do think most men would be like RB if they thought they could get away with it. In fact it reminds me of something I read some years ago - in a survey done in the US a high percentage of men said they would sleep with underage girls if they thought they could get away with it. I don't have a link or know how big the survey was, but it didn't surprise me.

pickledandpuzzled · 20/09/2023 10:41

Obviously not all men would even if they knew they could get away with it.

Many many men- a substantial proportion- would.

And many choose not to, even though they may see the attraction of it.

I think it's naive to think RB is a specially monstrous kind of man. I think he's perfectly within the norm of men, and he had an unusual opportunity.

I'd be really interested in looking at the rock scene, how the various band members behave.

Some absolutely work the system. Others have the same opportunity and choose not to. Some did and then regret their behaviour.

There's loads to look into and think about BUT... it's men's business. Why aren't they calling for behavioural studies and research to understand why some of them are disgusting?

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:43

In all honesty I think most men have either behaved the way RB has , or would if they could

Still a big fat NO.

Having a massive sex drive and treating people in the way RB are two entirely different things.

Krabappel · 20/09/2023 10:44

bemorebernard · 20/09/2023 10:36

Ok, hear me out , I kind of get where op is coming from

In all honesty I think most men have either behaved the way RB has , or would if they could

I mean who hasn't been pestered for sex when they didn't want it
Or flattered into bed
Or had sex when they didn't really feel like it to shut someone up and have a quiet life

Or , even been sexually assaulted , by men who would never ever see themselves as a rapist or abuser ?

On a date once , I consented to sex , but halfway through the guy decided to try and go from consensual vaginal sex to anal , without asking, without warning, like it was just fine . And then he laughed it off . That was the last time I ever ever had sex on a first date

If I'd contacted the guy and said oh by the way , that was rape mate , he wouldn't have had a clue

I once did a rape masterclass conducted by rape crisis
Its amazing how most men who do commit rape would never ever see themselves as a rapist or perpetrator of sexual assault , scary in fact , and yet these account for most of the rapes carried out,

So I do get where op is coming from , because I'm sure most men who e committed acts of assault and rape still manage to date , marry , etc unless they have rapist tattooed on their forehead .

Agree. Predatory behaviour was common when I was a teen, and at school. Rape happened. Coercive behaviour (rape) happened. Sexual assault was viewed as a non-issue. Later, men push boundaries. And women do it too.

I think this is what op is getting at.

Naming the thread 'I still fancy Russell brand' as an act of defiance is rubbing people the wrong way, understandably. It comes across as very 'we still live up Russell' which is exactly what his fans have written in his YouTube comment sections!

WesterChick · 20/09/2023 10:45

itsmyp4rty · 20/09/2023 10:40

'I think that if you are a heterosexual woman, you are either in denial on what men are or you accept what they are but find them irresistibly sexually attractive and so continue to be with them.'

I think you've summed up why at 50 I realised I was no longer interested in men in any way. I do know a couple that are genuinely good people. They're like hens teeth though.

I do think most men would be like RB if they thought they could get away with it. In fact it reminds me of something I read some years ago - in a survey done in the US a high percentage of men said they would sleep with underage girls if they thought they could get away with it. I don't have a link or know how big the survey was, but it didn't surprise me.

Yes, being attracted to adolescent girls is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche and yet because we have correctly legislated against acting on it, we now seem to believe that even fantasising about it makes men dangerously unusual and wrong in some way. Nope, it's just men being men. Suddenly everyone is like 'oh 16 is a child!' but men who are going along with the shock and horror at RB are entirely complicit if they fantasise about underage girls. It's just not surprising or shocking in any way.

OP posts:
MiniBossFromAus · 20/09/2023 10:45

I disagree with you that he is gorgeous. I marvel that anybody would think him even remotely attractive. He is not good looking and I wouldn't shag him now or ever, if he were the last man on earth.

I think men are not all like this, nor do they wish to be. Russel Brand is a mysogonist - I really struggle to reconcile your claim of radical feminism whilst proclaiming your attraction to a man who clearly hates women.

Krabappel · 20/09/2023 10:45

*love you, not live up

Additonally, I don't think most men would do as he has, but a fair amount would. And do.

Superfoodie123 · 20/09/2023 10:46

Well you're not the only one OP which is why loads of women slept with him willingly. When you can see him being a flirt in lots of these 'resurfaced clips' and women are happily flirting back, they're twisting the headlines to make it look like he's some predator. So apparently they're all coy and hating the attention they were getting in hindsight. Very confusing

BringMeTea · 20/09/2023 10:48

That is truly pitiful OP.

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:49

Yep he was a predator. He used his power and influence.

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:51

they're twisting the headlines to make it look like he's some predator. So apparently they're all coy and hating the attention they were getting in hindsight. Very confusing

He used his position of influence to prey on young women.

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:52

You can be attractive and still be a predator.

Mrsjayy · 20/09/2023 10:53

Thing Is with these clips resurfacing Is you see how sleazy he was . Cuddling and kissing women in public on camera being suggestive etc etc what were these women to do "we" are conditioned not to make a fuss I mean that Russell Brand what is he like ! Was the general consensus.

bemorebernard · 20/09/2023 10:53

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:43

In all honesty I think most men have either behaved the way RB has , or would if they could

Still a big fat NO.

Having a massive sex drive and treating people in the way RB are two entirely different things.

You really believe that? I only starting "dating " men in my mid 40s and it was an eye opener

My ex husband was a gentle soul and I was naive enough to think normal men were the same

I've stopped dating now I'm in my 50s because I just can't stand the way men behave in my age bracket . I don't think RB is all that unusual , what was unusual was the opportunity he got

sunglassesonthetable · 20/09/2023 10:59

You really believe that? I only starting "dating " men in my mid 40s and it was an eye opener

Yes I do.

Whatever people have going on in their psyche, how they behave in the world is what they are.

You sound like you've have had bad experiences and I don't question that. And I'm sorry to hear it. There are no doubt there are shit people out there. RB being one of them.

But there are also lots who are not.

I have no idea if there is a correlation between men on the dating scene and bad behaviour, because let's face it there are lots of men you were not dating.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 20/09/2023 11:03

Works both ways. I know a number of guys who think Lucy Letby is hot!

LoobyDop · 20/09/2023 11:07

I think you’ve internalised both misandrist- all men would rape if they could- and misogynist- straight women need to accept that and not expect any better- views.

begaydocrime42 · 20/09/2023 11:12

And this is why no one takes radical feminism seriously anymore. Ah well, men will be men, it’s just how they are, and women will be women so they’ll be attracted to men like that, just the circle of life!! BRUH

can you genuinely not see that that is not what most men are like? Bro is like that because he was pressured into sleeping with women by his dad when his brain was developing, he wasn’t just born that way?? Likewise women are attracted to men who dominate because that’s how society is structured, it’s all learned. Society places massive value on women’s youth and looks, which is why men are attracted to that. If older women were revered and respected, it’d be the other way round. no way is this just a biological thing and it’s so dumb to think so

just because a large proportion of straight gen x women are thirsty for this absolute cringe fest of an individual doesn’t mean this is how life works, maybe for you sis but don’t make it out like this is natural or normal

no idea how you find his silly little boots and silly little backcombed hair attractive in the slightest tbh

threecupsofteaminimum · 20/09/2023 11:13

He makes me feel sick but you do you love.

ManateeFair · 20/09/2023 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.