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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughter filthy at nursery

76 replies

Cannyapper · 19/09/2023 22:04

I love our nursery in lots of ways. My LO comes home absolutely filthy though- like, old, caked, glue like snot plastered across her face, clothes caked in mud, tops ruined with paint etc etc. I don't want to complain, but also don't like the thought that no-one has wiped her nose all day! She has a load of spare clothes and bibs there too?! Basically, I don't want to sound precious and ruin the relationship with the nursery. Equally, does it show a lack of care? For context, I know they'll get dirty and I don't care about clothes getting really dirty- just, don't like the thought of her being in seriously dirty clothes all day. AIBU to raise it with nursery basically?

OP posts:
Peachee · 20/09/2023 18:55

Yes I think I would question it too. Ours are still into the hand washing before they start and before lunch because of covid.

whilingawaytime · 20/09/2023 18:55

Tanith · 20/09/2023 15:18

Well, you tell that to Ofsted, then. She's not the only childminder to be pulled up for it.

Show quote history

Oh yes I read something like this in the news, I believe they didn't wash their hands after wiping the children's nose and then prepared the children's food with snotty hands, plus other hygiene issues

whilingawaytime · 20/09/2023 18:55

According to the BBC if I recall

PeopleAreWeird · 20/09/2023 19:00

Dirty clothes - Normal
Buy 2nd hand clothes or clothes from Primark

Covered in snot - Not acceptable

AuntMarch · 20/09/2023 19:22

Yanbu I've worked in settings for years and totally agree with pp that dirty clothes are a sign of a good time. But if she's caked in mud... at one point that was wet. Do they not provide/ask for waterproofs? Sure sometimes a kid gets stuck in a bit more spontaneously but then they should definitely be put in dry clothes.

And a clean face is a minimum requirement.

CClaire · 20/09/2023 19:46

I asked nursery workers to wipe my kid’s nose when extra snotty and they happily received and acted on the request.

i also asked about clothes being ruined and was told that my child doesn’t want to wear an apron, so I can’t really argue with them on this one.

I think you’re well within your rights to request if s/he gets wet with mud then please change them. Please put an apron on if they’re using indelible paints/inks etc so their clothes aren’t stained forever. Please wipe their schnozz so they don’t get a sore mouth. Personally I’d drip feed these separately in a casual way, maybe at drop off when you know the activity ahead will result in one of the above, so that I don’t come across as too uptight/picky!

VaccineSticker · 20/09/2023 20:33

Parents shouldn’t have to ask to wipe the children’s face to clean their snotty or dirty faces.
It is either that staff can’t be bothered or that they are understaffed.

Hyperthyroidkitty · 20/09/2023 20:38

My son used to come home like this. We pulled him out of nursery for other reasons and now he comes home from a different place so much cleaner. I'd definitely say something

Loz2323 · 20/09/2023 21:22

Emz6103 · 20/09/2023 15:33

Gees people sure are fixated on the clothes.....I agree with your point that it suggests a slap dash approach to their care like they haven't bothered to put on an apron, have allowed them to get muddy instead of asking for outdoor clothes and boots. Dirty hands n face, filthy ruined clothes would piss me off after a week. My child's nursery 20 years ago required an arm's in apron for craft activities. An outdoor all in one suit and Welly boots and shoes to ne taken off at the door and changed into slippers. This kept the children AND the nursery clean. To have the children constantly in a mess suggests a lack of general care.

Or it could mean the kid just won't put an apron for messy play and you are not allowed to force them to wear one or restrict them from an activity if they won't, plus unless the clothes are wet we wouldn't necessarily change them into clean clothes before they went home as they probably don't have the time or the staff to change a load of kids right before they go home, dirty clothes never hurt anyone.

stichguru · 20/09/2023 21:41

Honestly nursery will have loads of kids who they have to change because they are dirty in a way that is unhygienic or very uncomfortable (sick, wet with wee, filthy with poo, or completely soaked with water or juice and chilly), if they changed all the dirty, but fine kids too, they would be changing kids constantly. Not doing something that doesn't need doing, doesn't show neglect, it shows care. Nursery is prioritising playing with the kids, keeping them safe and happy, instead of changing kids that don't need changing. This is a great thing!

2chocolateoranges · 20/09/2023 21:46

I work in early years a snotty nose wiped is a must. However we only change clothes if a child is wet or extremely dirty/muddy.

Harperhan · 21/09/2023 09:42

My boys used to come home dirty, gluey and painty. I saw it that they had had a fun day and didn’t need to do the messy stuff at home.

MarchingOnTogether · 21/09/2023 13:31

Some people are blowing the ofsted comment out of proportion. A CM was told she wasn't outstanding because she didn't encourage independence, she wiped the child's nose herself rather than encouraging them to do it themselves first..... Its ridiculous but they are always looking for a silly reason not to give outstanding.
We are fine to wipe hands, faces, noses etc but we should be encouraging children to at least try and do things for themselves.
I must admit, with my smaller ones I just wipe away the snot quickly, I don't really want them wiping it all over themselves! But I do let them wipe their faces after eating and then I redo it for most of them ad they are still usually filthy.

DesTeeny · 21/09/2023 13:50

I suppose it depends how old LO is. DD used to come home absolutely pristine when she was in the baby room, with only 3 or 4 other little ones, but now she's in toddlers and there's up to 12 of them it's absolute carnage in there 😂 they used to change her clothes if she got a bit messy, but now, wrestling with a 2 year old just because they've got some paint down their front is something I can completely understand them avoiding and just leaving her a bit grubby! They do change her though if she's wet, there's lots of outside dirt (puddle water/mud etc.) or if she is particularly grubby so I would still expect her to look reasonable at the end of the day.

Unclean skin though is an absolute no, I'd be asking them to make sure her face was clean etc. because that isn't acceptable IMHO.

Sunandsea26 · 21/09/2023 17:47

Agree that I wouldn’t be happy about the snot but filthy clothes is a given at a fab nursery with lots of activities :)

Mswest · 21/09/2023 18:16

I genuinely loved my kids coming home dirty from nursery it just said to me they'd had a busy fun day and I didn't need to clean up the mess just give them a bath. Obv send them in clothes you don't care too much about. I don't see it as a sign of not caring about the kids. Would much rather they weren't spending time changing multiple children throughout the day.

Completelydonechick · 21/09/2023 18:48

Ofsted downgraded a nursery for wiping a nose!!!! And that is why Ofsted is not fit for purpose ffs!

88Pandora88 · 21/09/2023 19:04

Hey I work in a nursery, when kids are really mucky we do get them changed, some parents request they're only changed if really bad or soaked otherwise it's just another outfit to wash.
Just speak to your child's keyworker and explain you love your child's having fun and getting filthy but would appreciate her being changed if they are too mucky. I'd mention the snot situation as that's just not right

Cfcbaz · 21/09/2023 19:40

The snot thing yeah I could understand why you're annoyed but I imagine they can't just follow her around wiping her nose 24/7.

But the clothes thing, I am the opposite, although I pack loads of bottoms (early potty training) and one or two tops, I get annoyed when they've changed her multiple times because she's got a bit messy in it. I'm just like surely she can stay in the dirty clothes if there's been no accidents. Now I have to find more clothes for the next day, and tbh it's hard to supply 10-15 outfits a week just for nursery.

pollyglot · 21/09/2023 20:03

Should she be at nursery with that much snot being produced in a day?

Harls1969 · 21/09/2023 23:09

As many have said, dirty clothes = fun. But a dirty face/snotty nose, that is unpleasant and could get sore. Definitely raise that.

JayJayj · 22/09/2023 09:59

I don’t think you are being unreasonable as that is why they ask you to pack spare clothes. Depending on the time of day I’ve pick my baby up she has had food on her top still but rest was pretty clean, otherwise she has been changed at least once, normally twice. And they should be cleaning their faces.
I would have a word with the manager about your concerns.

Riv · 22/09/2023 16:21

Maybe you could address the dirty face by taking in a couple of flannels (one to wash and one to dry) or some wet wipes and mention you are trying to get him to remember to wipe his nose and to wash his own face occasionally during the day? (Or just get him used to the idea of having his face wiped regularly)

FlipFlop1987 · 22/09/2023 18:59

Our private nursery were good with nose wiping and clothes weren’t too bad but school nursery are useless! We started in January and the first 4 months she was always covered in snot at home time. Maybe they should be doing it themselves age 3 but if they can’t at least send them home with a clean face. Their uniforms were in such a bad state they changed from pale blue to navy to cover the mess

Ukrainebaby23 · 29/09/2023 06:16

Just shows what Ofstead know, doesnt it sadly.
My lo wipes his own nose on his sleeve, then sucks the sleeve as his comforter .....