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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband took my pillow

97 replies

RSSN · 19/09/2023 00:31

My husband is always complaining about his pillows. I've had a very expensive pillow for years, sister gave it to mum, mum gave it to brother, brother gave it to me, all said it was too hard but I love it. Anyway I let him try it years ago when I first got it, probably when I was just getting used to it and he said no way it was like a rock. Anyway now I love it so much, I find it hard to sleep without it in hotels etc as its quite different.only last night my toddler daughter who wants to sleep in our bed lately insisted she wanted a big pillow so I swapped just to keep her happy as she was in bad form the same evening and I was tired. I used her tiny toddler pillow. I hardly slept at all and when I got up my neck and back were very sore. I said all this to my husband and I've said it to him before when we've been away that I really miss my pillow so he knows. Also he had(has) 2 expensive duck feather pillows, this was after trying numerous other pillows too. So anyway after saying I hardly slept and my neck and head were sore this morning he said my pillow was going ont trial and he was going to try it tonight. I told him he already tried it years ago and didnt like it & thought he was only joking anyway as he knows how much I love my pillow. He went off to bed before us. I had put a pink pillow cover on my daughters pillow so she was happy with that. And there he was with his head propped up on my pillow watching something on his phone. I had only just put a clean pillow case on mine too so that made me mad as he hadnt washed his hair. He had put his pillow in my place. I told him I didnt want it. I keep the bed stuff clean and am constantly changing his pillow case as he drools on it and gets snots on it and i hadnt changed his as I only did a few days ago. Still thought he was joking until he turned his phone off and snored off to sleep. Leaving me with no pillow which he knew. I'm now up writing this as I can't sleep. I'm so pissed off, upset, mad at him. I can't believe he is being so selfish and that he would do a thing like this. AIBU???!!!!

OP posts:
Stressybetty · 19/09/2023 00:32

Just ease it out from under his head. Cheeky sod

LittleBrownJug · 19/09/2023 00:33

Yea, just snatch it back I wouldn’t be worried about waking him up!

GrumpyPanda · 19/09/2023 00:35

LTB.

But seriously YABU for not snatching it back immediately or even now. Who cares if you wake him?

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 19/09/2023 00:39

Just take it back?! What is so hard about that?

comedownwithme · 19/09/2023 00:40

Yes YABU. Juts take your pillow back?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2023 00:43

Take the fucking pillow back. How is this an issue? It's your pillow, take it back.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 19/09/2023 00:46

Have you got it back now op?

SiobhanSharpe · 19/09/2023 00:47

Wake him up. Hand him his old pillow and take yours back. Say if he ever does that again he’ll be sleeping elsewhere. Job done.

M4J4 · 19/09/2023 00:48

Get your pillow back now. He’s asleep, not dead.

Why are you so passive. Is he aggressive?

Original poster
RSSN · 19/09/2023 00:54

Really? I'd probably hsve to put up with him being in bad mood then . I was actually goung to let him use it and try to get used to a different pillow myself was gping to look for one in town later today as he's been going on so much about how he doesnt like his pillows and Ii was feeling s bit sorry for him. But he didnt even give me a chance. Just took it . It's not like him. Im just hurt that he did such a selfish thing. I feel a bit silly as it's only a pillow but I know I'm going to be in right bad form in tbe morning and am going to find it extremley difficult not to give him the silent treatment which I know is wrong or there's going to be a big row, and all over a pillow

OP posts:
lauraisa · 19/09/2023 00:56

My first ever LTB 😇

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2023 01:00

Have you always been such a doormat? Who gives a fuck if he's upset? You're upset. For good reason. Take the pillow back and stand up for yourself, FFS.

GrumpyPanda · 19/09/2023 01:00

So him being "in bad mood" is worse than you being miserable and in pain? Or even just in equally bad mood? You realise you are a fully-fledged person too, and your feelings count just as much as his?

Is this typical of the way your marriage works?

Ponderingwindow · 19/09/2023 01:03

Why did you put up with this?
he didn’t ask to try it. You didn’t grant permission. It’s your pillow. You should have swapped it back the second you walked into the room, including telling him to get you a fresh pillowcase.

BasiliskStare · 19/09/2023 01:04

Take your pillow back - if he is asleep he probably won't notice but so what if he does. Put his pillow back with him & say - OK you've had a trial if you like this pillow get one - but this one is mine . Google could be his friend and he can order one

Original poster
RSSN · 19/09/2023 01:04

I'm not going to do anything now as daughter is asleep in the middle of us and dont want to wake her. But yes you're all righr. I'll have it out with him when she"s gone to creche in the morning. Tell him how fliipin rude and selfish. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
RSSN · 19/09/2023 01:06

Winding me up so much listening to hom snoring away

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2023 01:08

RSSN · 19/09/2023 01:06

Winding me up so much listening to hom snoring away

Get your arse up, walk around to his side of the bed and take your pillow back. Show him, right now, that you will not tolerate this complete lack of respect from him. Fucking hell, op, grow a pair.

Codlingmoths · 19/09/2023 01:12

Yes do this. So what if he’s grumpy? YOU ARE GRUMPY AND TIRED. tell him being married to you does not mean I cannot have nice things - this is what I say loudly and angrily to my husband when he breaks my things and then I spend lots of money replacing it and tell him how much. Your husband can research his own pillows. If he wanted to ask nicely he could probably borrow yours for a night. But not tonight, go take it and get some sleep.

steff13 · 19/09/2023 01:16
  1. Just take it back
  2. You're supposed to replace your pillow every 1-2 years. Let him have it and get a nice new one.
tiredofthenoise · 19/09/2023 01:23

A pillow isn't a little thing, not when it's the one you're used to. 'Your' pillow is the difference between a good night's sleep and a torturous, endless night of tossing and turning (or waking with a sore neck). If you can't sleep, you can't function. My pillow is definitely a hill I'd be willing to die on, in other words.

I'd take the pillow right now, but if you're insistent that you can't, I'd express my disappointment in him vociferously tomorrow morning, then inform him that either he leaves your pillow alone or he's buying you a replacement.

FOJN · 19/09/2023 01:26

He's been going on about how much he doesn't like his pillows so you thought it was your job to fix that for him by buying him some new ones because you felt sorry for him. Seriously?

I'm assuming he has his own money, if his pillows were that uncomfortable he'd have gone and bought new ones for himself. Instead he's decided to give yours a trial run and rather than tell him not to be a cheeky fucker you're awake and seething thinking about the argument you're going to have about this tomorrow.

You're right, it's ridiculous to argue over pillows, you should have told him straight away you wanted yours back and he could go and buy himself some new ones.

Original poster
RSSN · 19/09/2023 01:37

I didnt want to take it back straight away as he'd been lying in it with hair that hadnt been washed and I said that to him..defo dont want to take ot back now after him dribbling on it. Ive folded up a fleece blanket and put it under my head and its not too bad..made sure I tossed and turned there in the bed to wake him up which it did
She wont wake .

OP posts:
LittleBrownJug · 19/09/2023 01:44

Of all the ridiculous things to start a thread about instead of just taking the flippin pillow back. I think you win a lifetime achievement award.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 19/09/2023 01:52

LittleBrownJug · 19/09/2023 01:44

Of all the ridiculous things to start a thread about instead of just taking the flippin pillow back. I think you win a lifetime achievement award.

This.

Utterly ridiculous

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