Husband took my pillow

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My husband is always complaining about his pillows. I've had a very expensive pillow for years, sister gave it to mum, mum gave it to brother, brother gave it to me, all said it was too hard but I love it. Anyway I let him try it years ago when I first got it, probably when I was just getting used to it and he said no way it was like a rock. Anyway now I love it so much, I find it hard to sleep without it in hotels etc as its quite different.only last night my toddler daughter who wants to sleep in our bed lately insisted she wanted a big pillow so I swapped just to keep her happy as she was in bad form the same evening and I was tired. I used her tiny toddler pillow. I hardly slept at all and when I got up my neck and back were very sore. I said all this to my husband and I've said it to him before when we've been away that I really miss my pillow so he knows. Also he had(has) 2 expensive duck feather pillows, this was after trying numerous other pillows too. So anyway after saying I hardly slept and my neck and head were sore this morning he said my pillow was going ont trial and he was going to try it tonight. I told him he already tried it years ago and didnt like it & thought he was only joking anyway as he knows how much I love my pillow. He went off to bed before us. I had put a pink pillow cover on my daughters pillow so she was happy with that. And there he was with his head propped up on my pillow watching something on his phone. I had only just put a clean pillow case on mine too so that made me mad as he hadnt washed his hair. He had put his pillow in my place. I told him I didnt want it. I keep the bed stuff clean and am constantly changing his pillow case as he drools on it and gets snots on it and i hadnt changed his as I only did a few days ago. Still thought he was joking until he turned his phone off and snored off to sleep. Leaving me with no pillow which he knew. I'm now up writing this as I can't sleep. I'm so pissed off, upset, mad at him. I can't believe he is being so selfish and that he would do a thing like this. AIBU???!!!!

So if you woke him up why the feck didn't you take your pillow back then?
Also listening to a snoring husband here and a DC in the middle but at least I have my pillow.

If you're wound up to the point that you will be giving him the silent treatment use your words and take your pillow, our a clean pillowcase on it and go to sleep.

He is being a prick but your responses are either walking on eggshells or immature, I can't tell which. If its the first one, what else does he do? If it's the second, stand up for yourself and be a good role model for DD.

I wouldn't allow him in the bed dirty either. Yuck.

I'm sure he's heard of Amazon or whatever and can order himself some pillows to try out.

this is a really odd thread, a whole family passing down a pillow, a grown woman who can’t sleep without her special pillow.

I know. You read these things in the early hours in a sleep-deprived state and your brain is just going 'what?'

It's your pillow and he took it. It shows a complete disregard for you.

Agreed! The pillow would have been back under your head in half the time it would have taken you to write this post.

He does sound selfish but you should have said when you went in and saw him with it really

1- you should have just taken the pillow and swapped it for another one
2- you could have put a new cover on it
3- you need to get some more pillows if you had to use toddler pillows or fleece blankets when your pillow is somewhere else
4- he's a selfish wanker. I have a special fork. It makes no actual difference to my ability to eat food but it changes my enjoyment. My DH not only makes sure I always have my special fork but keeps his eye out for forks he thinks I might like and brings them home so I have spares. That's how nice partners behave, not stealing your pillow when they know you need it to sleep well.

Heavy pillow you say? Over his bloody face.

God.

Get your ducks in a row OP, definite red flag!

He behaves like this because there are zero consequences.

Don't know why I had to wait until here for the "over the face" reply. I expected it to be first. But then I read the whole thing and was so confused by passing around pillows and pain from not using it, and pillow theft, that I almost forgot this obvious solution.

How about getting the same firmness, but in a bolster ?
But to be honest I also have no idea why ypu posted when the solution was so obvious. Bit troubling that you think him not being upset due to his own actions is more important than you being upset due to his actions 🤔

Just pull it out from under his head, try not to pop it over his head and hold it down.

How many people have actually used that pillow? 🤢

I can't get past the fact this special pillow has had more owners than I've had hot dinners.

Have you never been to a hotel?

Anyway OP, not sure what the issue was. He was a cheeky bastard taking your pillow. You should have just taken it back right away. I have a lovely expensive pillow too, my partner tries to take it, I take it back again immediately.

I would have just taken it back right away. Why did you allow him to fall asleep on it?

I’m with you OP. I ended up writing my name on my pillow because the OH kept saying it was his.

Are you always tiptoeing around on eggshells and acting like a doormat so as to avoid him grumpy and having an argument.

It’s not normal to be thinking ‘oh I’ll just try to get used to a different pillow because my husband wants the one I like and use and he’ll be horribly grumpy if I don’t just give him it’.

It might only be a pillow - but what you’ve outlined here is really strange.

love is not martyring yourself for your husband. And sometimes it worth having an argument.

Honestly it's worrying you are so concerned you need to post on here about it, most people would just grab the pillow back or whatever. I'm guessing there's a lot going on here to invoke this egg shell walking, it sounds miserable op.

It’s no wonder nobody stays married anymore if stuff like this is the straw that broke the camels back 🙃🙃🙃 it’s a bloody pillow.

What @IncomingTraffic said.

He's being really disrespectful and it's a bit worrying that swiping it back didn't feel like an option. Do you normally feel like an equal partner in this relationship? He sounds like a bully, unless your relationship has a lot of thus kind of thing going BOTH ways.

You are being ridiculous