Child with sensory issues and clothes

[Aria20]

AIBU to ask for any suggestions about what to do to help my Dd age 5?

We suspect she may be autistic - her older brother is diagnosed and she has quite a few traits. She has started having a lot of sensory issues with clothes in the last 9 months or so - socks "bother" her but she accepts she has to wear socks to school and in boots/trainers. In the summer she has lived in dresses/skirts and barefoot in sandals.

Now it's getting cooler we are having issues with clothes - she used to wear leggings happily but now they "bother" her and she cries, has major meltdowns, hyper ventilates almost over having to wear leggings saying how uncomfortable they are etc - they are from the same shops we have always got them from - Asda, primark, M&S etc and she used to wear them without issue?! Tights give her eczema so she can't wear dresses/skirts with tights - well she could for a short period of time eg for a wedding/party but not all day every day. She won't wear jeans again they "bother" her. She will tolerate joggers on a dog walk if its cold but obviously she can't wear joggers to school except for pe and she can't wear joggers to smart places.

So what can I do? What other options are there that are warm in winter and won't involve a meltdown? Why are leggings suddenly a problem - anyone else have a child with sensory issues who won't wear leggings/trousers and what do you do in winter? Thanks

When you say tights give her eczema, is that all tights? If you haven't tried them yet, try the bamboo ones from SockShop. They're so soft and smooth and being mostly natural fibres they're breathable too.

Failing that, try some bamboo leggings, they're also incredibly smooth. Or can she tolerate normal leggings if worn inside out? If so, just let her do that. Get plain coloured ones so it isn't as obvious that they're inside out.

My entire family can only tolerate SockShop bamboo socks too btw. Flat toe seams!

I have sensory issues and honestly it's just trial and error. Try different brands of stuff , different materials etc etc . I can't tolerate jeans , so I mainly wear those stretchy jegging type ones if I have to wear jeans. I know some places sell pants that look more formal but are a tracksuit type material. My father has a pair for work and they look quite smart while also being comfortable. Join some groups on Facebook and ask for what others have found works for their child with similar issues.

Knee socks, thick skirt and a slip.

Signed, an autistic woman who had this same problem as a child.

If she is comfy in tracksuits then let her wear tracksuits.

long socks with her school uniform may help? But if she is happy just with her normal socks and skirt then I wouldn’t change it

My DS 10 has similar issues and we go long socks and skirt because that's what she likes. As other posters have said it's trial and error, sometimes she'll tolerate leggings in the cold/snow, other times we go jogging bottoms instead. We've had to take a very day-by-day approach to it really and, fortunately, the school are really understanding.

And she can wear joggers to smart places. It really doesn't matter what other people think.

We did long socks with school skirt most of last winter but on days with snow she did eventually wear leggings though not without a fuss.

I haven't tried bamboo tights so I'll look for some - do you find they are good quality and won't snag/ladder too easily as I guess they will be more expensive than normal school tights?!

Joggers are fine at home or for the park, walking the dog or going shopping but not suitable for all occasions when you need to look a bit smarter.

Hi 3 sen kiddos here all hate different clothing haha. One of mine wears diabetic socks they are not tight at the top, you can also get seamless ones online. One of my girls wears fleece lined leggings as cant stand the others. My eldest wears yoga leggings as she prefers the compression feeling. My middle I can't get in a pair of shoes she has Croc wellies in every colour they make and even wears them by the pool on holiday lol

I think what's more strange is that she used to wear leggings with no issue and in winter it was our "go to" choice for under a jersey dress and she didn't complain or fuss so I wonder what has now changed?!

@Sprinkles211 haha at croc wellies by the pool! We tried fleece lined leggings and they bothered her too unfortunately as I hoped they'd be better and warmer!

@Aria20

Honestly, let her wear the joggers.

It was literally painful to wear hard, uncomfortable things when I was that young.

The only way I can describe it as feeling as if something was scratching at my genitals.

This is interesting. Exactly what my 8yo with asd opts for at school. Tights are never going to work for her regardless of the fabric.
We have had success with these jeans:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/ST240576/C21026?dp=a&dndl=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UVOoa_9NRpHRDMXKjb-FZAq5&gclid=CjwKCAjw6p-oBhAYEiwAgg2PggmqifWeTFGoAMfTGLLWuFgORhuuKodiNmlpxYJIApdeyy-k9qZ-XBoC6foQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#C21026
Theyre not denim and they are really soft and not tight around the waist. She will wear skirts and some joggers. In terms of tops, she likes to borrow t-shirts from her dad and now she can verbalize it we buy her very big cardigans and sweatshirts In much much larger sizes than she is.

Harem-style bottoms (I get some of DD(4)'s handmade as they are harder to come by past a certain age but they fit her far better than leggings.) We have some really lovely floral loose bottoms from Next too.

Its the transition. We have this every year moving from.shorts to trousers, then back again. I think it feels different so they feel defensive.

She might tolerate them more after doing something like brushing her legs wuth a sift brush, or some sort of deep pressure like sitting with a weighted blanket djring breakfast, or a massage

https://www.welovefrugi.com/view-all-products/parsnip-pants?colourid=114&gclid=CjwKCAjw6p-oBhAYEiwAgg2PgtkDQg3I4oNFA0XKn7nO90zctmR30ANBfsQ14OJJSQwR00plEnRxoChh0QAvD_BwE

This kind of style. They do plain ones as well as patterned and I've had a couple made from Daphne and Margot which are excellent.

Joggers are too hot for trampolining and soft play parties which all the kids have these days and not really practical to wear a dress for that... maybe will have to be shorts...

It's hard as it's really limiting outfit choices and she used to wear them fine and now kicks off. Obviously I don't want her to be uncomfortable but the fact she used to wear them fine does make me wonder if she just wants to wear a princess dress or tutu everyday as that's what she's lived in at home during school holidays.

I'm afraid you may have to adjust your expectations. My autistic DD has extreme clothing sensitivities and is currently wearing a swimming costume and leggings, and Ugg style boots. This means she can leave the house and access some kind of life. If I didn't 'allow' this she would just have to stay in as she cannot tolerate clothing just because an occasion requires it.

Something I have learned (in possession of one autistic DS and one with traits) is that actually there is never any need for a child to be smart and uncomfortable. Most petiole simply don’t care (luckily both of mine are ok with school uniform but I know other DC who wear compromises…I wore all my socks inside out for years). There is always a middle way…be that smart joggers or a very loose dress.

@Clefable harem style might be a good shout. My dd is tall and slim so I need 6-7 for length but 4-5 waist just to be even more awkward! But I could probably try to adjust the waist or get my MIL too as she's very good with that sort of thing.

Joggers is a reasonable adaptation imo. My son is autistic and he wears joggers. I'm an autistic adult and have worn joggers to work before when I've had sensory issues with clothes!

Have you tried the soft cotton jersey trousers with elasticated waistband for school? We did all of primary in those. Loved them.

It is just trial and error with other stuff. Would cotton tights be ok? Skirts and socks are fine really unless you are hiking up mountains. Fur lined leggings are amazing if you can find kids' ones.

At the moment she is sensitised to it - every new things you try she will be primed to react to, because she has had negative experiences. Maybe she is wearing uncomfortable uniform at school all day and she's reached her limit. For home use joggers for default for now, maybe black uncuffed ones if you can find them if you want smarter - they could pretty much be generic black trousers. Then once she is comfortable with them, give her a few weeks or months to settle before you try other things. She may well be less reactive once she can rely on having comfy clothes to wear by default. These sensitivities are not necessarily forever, but you need to meet her needs right now to get to somewhere different in future.

My son loves a compression vest. It's much easier to get him dressed in the morning if he has the "treat" of the vest.

We also have these from Next

You need to change your expectations. Provide her with clothes and let her wear what is comfy.

when Ds was little he wore cars slippers to a christening. It may not be expected attire but he could attend comfortably. Don’t worry what others think, support her to find what works for her.

ds has a uniform of suit trousers and polo shirts. They have to be the right ones for him. He wears them everywhere.

Hi, I’ve got 2 autistic children both with sensory processing disorder. My daughter found clothing increasingly difficult as she grew, so she could wear a wider variety of brands and clothing when she was 6 as opposed to now she’s just turned 16. Have you tried the Asda range of sensory friendly clothing? It’s called Easy on Easy Wear I think. It’s been a complete godsend for my son as he can only really tolerate clothing from here. You can buy seamless socks online too but as a PP said it’s a bit of trial and error.

I also found it easier once I’d tried to stop pushing either of my two to just tolerate, say, a particular pair of trousers or socks. If they said it didn’t work fine, we’ll try something else. I now believe them when they say they just can’t tolerate various clothes. It does mean they strip off when they come into the house down to underwear and to be honest that’s fine, as they’ve both got older I could see how much SPD was overwhelming them and I don’t care if other people look askance at them when we’re out because they’ve got an odd combination of clothes on them. I see that as a not my problem sort of problem.

We had a session with an OT for my son (asd, various sensory issues, will wear shorts even in the snow if needed!) He described the sensation my son gets as basically triggering his fight or flight reflex. He gave us some therapy exercises to do, things like brushing his legs with a soft brush etc, making a bit of a game of it all so basically his body learns not to panic at the touch. We massage his legs in the morning prior to putting on clothes, this sets off the deep skin pressure receptors giving a sense of comfort, rather than the surface skin feeling which will set off the fight or flight. He still hates his school trousers (secondary will not compromise, don't get me started on that!) but they don't bother him in quite the same way if we use that process.