Child with sensory issues and clothes

[Aria20]

AIBU to ask for any suggestions about what to do to help my Dd age 5?

We suspect she may be autistic - her older brother is diagnosed and she has quite a few traits. She has started having a lot of sensory issues with clothes in the last 9 months or so - socks "bother" her but she accepts she has to wear socks to school and in boots/trainers. In the summer she has lived in dresses/skirts and barefoot in sandals.

Now it's getting cooler we are having issues with clothes - she used to wear leggings happily but now they "bother" her and she cries, has major meltdowns, hyper ventilates almost over having to wear leggings saying how uncomfortable they are etc - they are from the same shops we have always got them from - Asda, primark, M&S etc and she used to wear them without issue?! Tights give her eczema so she can't wear dresses/skirts with tights - well she could for a short period of time eg for a wedding/party but not all day every day. She won't wear jeans again they "bother" her. She will tolerate joggers on a dog walk if its cold but obviously she can't wear joggers to school except for pe and she can't wear joggers to smart places.

So what can I do? What other options are there that are warm in winter and won't involve a meltdown? Why are leggings suddenly a problem - anyone else have a child with sensory issues who won't wear leggings/trousers and what do you do in winter? Thanks

No. Paediatric OT won’t deal with sensory processing. Have located a private one. She really could do with the therapy so she can deal with the sensory issues better than I’ve dealt with my own.

The sockshop kids bamboo range is very good. The socks are cheap and cheerful - which is good as they don't last as well, but they DO stay soft so I'm not complaining. We've only just started using the tights so they ARE a bit more expensive, but I'm hoping they'll be worth it from a longevity perspective.

One thing I will say - children with sensory issues who don't want to wear heavy/bulky clothes will not freeze. When it gets genuinely too cold, they will adapt. Considering that private schools still insist that boys wear shorts all year round (and at our state school, there are plenty of boys who CHOOSE to wear shorts all round), I think it's less of an issue than you might think. When DS was 2, I was the parent getting death glares from other parents as he was wondering around outside wearing canvas trainers, linen trousers and a long sleeve t-shirt while it was snowing. Usually, he'd either then come inside or, eventually, consent to a jumper/coat (if it wasn't too bulky). I learnt to ignore the death glares or offer a cheery, "he doesn't feel the cold" and move on.

Oh, and DD doesn't have any sensory issues but she did struggle with some bloating and a bit of excess weight which made leggings uncomfortable for her for a while until we got that sorted. Like your DD, she liked "girly" dresses but wasn't willing to wear leggings so she would wear harem pants under her dresses and loved it as an option. Sainsbury's almost always has at least one two-pack option and we found their elastic waists are super super flexible - so work well for skinny kids with no stretch and were still comfortable for DD who needed more stretch for a couple of years between about age 5-7.

One thing I will say - children with sensory issues who don't want to wear heavy/bulky clothes will not freeze

I dunno if this is always true. Pretty sure my young autistic relative would've happily let their hands fall off rather than wear gloves. Didn't seem to feel pain in the way you'd expect, did behave like having gloves put on was akin to being made to put your hand in the mouth of a growling XL bully.

Hi @Aria20 Can I ask if problems have escalated due to change, perhaps since starting school?

We've been here with our 6yo dd. She's always been funny about shoes and socks, but she's had flare ups where various clothing that has been fine suddenly annoys her. In our dd's case, it's anxiety based - we think due to undiagnosed ADHD (she's on a pathway to diagnosis and we're currently undergoing an EHCP needs assessment). Problems escalated when she began school. So her anxiety makes her super sensitive to touch, but we think a large amount of it is control based. Sadly, it took a period of complete clothing refusal and school refusal for people to realise it wasn't in our imagination.

At one stage she would only wear a fluffy dressing gown, day and night.

What I'm saying, a little clumsily, is that sensory processing is adversely affected by stress and anxiety. If you tackle the anxiety and what's causing it, you will likely see an improvement in clothing related issues.

On a practical level, M&S do seamless socks for school, which were a major breakthrough for us. Soft touch leggings are always her go-to.

What about jumpsuits? You can get loose ones and could layer with a cardigan or sweatshirt? M&S does a range of adaptive clothing for children, which has no seams or labels, and there's a brand called SPECTRUM clothing which is label free, no tight necks or cuffs etc

Yes, agree with this.

We are currently awaiting assessment for both ASD and ADHD for DC.

The sensory issues never really completely go away, but we've noticed a pattern whereby if she is feeling particularly anxious, even if we have done everything 'right' in terms of how she likes her clothes, a grumble over eg socks becomes a full-on meltdown (think it is also linked to control).

Anxiety and sensory issues are very much interlinked and I read some research recently about how it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation - does the anxiety worsen the sensory issues or do the sensory issues worsen the anxiety?

But his/her hands haven't fallen off?

I do get what you're saying, but my point is that as a rule, they can and do adapt and that imposing our opinions on what they must wear is not necessary.

I feel the cold. From October, you will not see me outside without a vest, a top, a jumper and a coat (light in October, getting progressively heavier into the winter). I wear socks and boots most of the winter. I wouldn't dream of wearing trousers that exposed my ankles by even a quarter centimetre. And yet, I see adults at the same time wearing nothing but a light t-shirt and a demin jacket or trousers that end above the ankles with trainers. Everyone is different.

For anyone who doesn't have sensory hypersensitivities to touch and is really struggling to understand it, I can sometimes induce something similar in people with typical sensory reactions by getting them to stroke (or ideally, have somebody else stroke) their inner wrist repeatedly, many many times, until it (sometimes) becomes hypersensitive and feels raw, like there's several layers of skin missing. I'm an adult, with a lifetime of accumulated coping strategies, yet I can just suddenly switch from being able to tolerate being touched, to feeling like my partner's hand is scraping against raw scalded skin, or from being able to put up with the constant scratching of a label against my neck, to feeling like my skin's being cut — and it's definitely easier to switch into that state when stressed, tired, or "touched out". It's not only a lowering of the mental capacity to process or tolerate the sensation, but also that it actually literally feels physically painful and damaging.

But his/her hands haven't fallen off?

No, the parents cracked and found other, inconvenient ways to avoid hand-falling-offage, but this is a child who literally bites herself bloody to cope with her sensory environment, so probably no amount of cold, numb, painful hands would've persuaded her of the advisability of the dreaded gloves. This is in a country with colder winters than the UK, so couldn't really gamble on them eventually adapting to it. It's more a question of the people around them making adaptations my young relative can cope with, rather than the child adapting because they "won't freeze". Depends on the child of course — I looooathed mittens as a kid, but as you say, would eventually submit when the cold-pain got enough 😅

Fair enough. It does sound like this child's sensory issues are at the extreme end so yes, it's hard. And I've often been grateful that we live in SE England and not somewhere a LOT colder as DS is wandering around half dressed!

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions!

@Whatafustercluck she has just gone into year 1 so not new to school, but it has been a big transition in terms of expectations etc so it certainly could be partly linked to anxiety and she definitely likes to be in control!

I do suspect asd but don't think we will get anywhere fast pursuing a diagnosis for her despite family diagnosis, as school just don't see it at all - she is well behaved, popular and clearly masks well... unlike her older brother at the same age who struggled socially and behaviourally at school and despite being "high functioning" he presented in a much more obvious way.

@GingerIsBest this can be dangerous with an autistic child who has trouble with interoception. Mine is pretty impervious to pain, cold, heat and hunger. My default used to be very gung-ho "he'll wear a coat when he's cold enough" but that was just like someone saying those with ARFID will eat when hungry enough. Nope, he didn't, because no matter how cold he got he would not experience it as cold, and understand that adding layers would help.

However I agree with you that we can allow more leeway than we might think for day to day. I wouldn't be at all worried about OP's child wearing joggers to soft play, that's absolutely fine and what half the boys will be wearing anyway. Ditto just wearing leggings when I wouldn't. But with autism we can't always rely on those feedback loops kicking in to keep them safe, when things get really extreme.

@Aria20 she sounds very much like our dd, school don't see it either and she's "meeting expectations". It's been a huge battle and our interactions with the school's senco have been fruitless. We ended up applying for an EHCPNA without school's support in the end. Initially the LA refused our request but we submitted a bunch of evidence to SEN Tribunal (including her attendance record) and the LA granted it. Nothing happens quickly, you're right. But little girls (in particular) are being failed up and down the country by the system, at huge detriment to their mental health. If we don't fight for them, nobody else will.

I wear socks and leggings inside out so the seams don't touch me (and unstictch and labels on all clothes, just cutting isn't enough). I'm don't have autism though so this may not be of any use to you.

If he's comfy, then fair dos to him… hope it's not caused you too much trouble. My poor parents had to deal with me entirely disrobing at every available opportunity, which doesn't go down too well in a mainstream school nursery, but I grew out of it by about 5-ish mostly.

Funnily enough, after some time my young relative switched to insisting on wearing All The Winter Gear, All The Time, indoors or otherwise <sigh> Such is life, sometimes…

I understand the sensory thing as I can’t wear socks and haven’t worn tights for years.

If it’s just a matter of keeping her legs warm when she’s outside when it’s cold would leg warmers work?

I not even sure if they make them for children, but I’m thinking of footless socks that goes above the knees. They could then be taken off when she’s inside in the warm. Like we do with woolly hats and gloves.

One thing I will say - children with sensory issues who don't want to wear heavy/bulky clothes will not freeze

Yeah, they will... my DS1 just doesn't feel anything until it's gone too far - eg. he'll swim until he's given himself a migraine, stay in the snow until his lips are blue, run around in the heat until he's bright red, sweating and about to pass out.

It's not just me who's noticed this - more than one PE teacher has noticed that he'll give his all to an activity even if it's damaging him, and they actually pull him before he's passed the point of no return.

@off - Oh, I get this too. DS went through a few years from around y4-y6 where he wore gloves ALL the time. he'd take them off inside the house but the moment he left the house, on they went. Didn't matter how hot/cold it was outside. He's also come in from outside wearing his coat and refuse to take it off. On the plus side, that was ONE coat I actually got my money's worth out of! .

@Stimpend yes, I understand what you're saying that there are cases where they simply can't - it's a good point. I was speaking more generally from an SPD point overall. And that in most cases, like you, I think more leeway can be allowed than often is glares at SIL whose poor children are constantly hot and unhappy

I did worry at one point that DS had an inability to actually feel pain/cold and it could damage him but it turned out not to be the case- thank goodness. But of course, that's not true of ALL children with sensory processing disorders.

It’s not surprising to me that your DD’s tolerance varies enormously over time. It’s like being at the end of your tether in other ways: something relatively small might tip you over the edge in a way it wouldn’t if you weren’t already stressed. Same with clothes for people with sensory differences. Don’t underestimate the difference being at school will make - it’s a change, and they can be really hard to cope with for autistic people, and may reduce ability to handle uncomfortable-to-her clothes.

Things change. DS is diagnosed ASD, he used to wear school uniform etc, put pyjamas on for bed. He now will only wear jogging bottoms and a t-shirt and won't change his clothing unless we take him swimming.

Oh, and he'll only wear wellies with thick socks, which causes difficulty in hot weather.

My ds is autistic and struggles to change from 'summer' clothes to 'winter' clothes. We try and do it gradually e.g. couple of hrs in shorts and sandals while going to the beach before back to trousers and trainers. After a while he adapts and there are no issues until the next season change. There were a couple of kids in his class who had asd and sensory issues who wore shorts all the time with no issue. They just didn't seem to feel the cold....