Child with sensory issues and clothes

[Aria20]

AIBU to ask for any suggestions about what to do to help my Dd age 5?

We suspect she may be autistic - her older brother is diagnosed and she has quite a few traits. She has started having a lot of sensory issues with clothes in the last 9 months or so - socks "bother" her but she accepts she has to wear socks to school and in boots/trainers. In the summer she has lived in dresses/skirts and barefoot in sandals.

Now it's getting cooler we are having issues with clothes - she used to wear leggings happily but now they "bother" her and she cries, has major meltdowns, hyper ventilates almost over having to wear leggings saying how uncomfortable they are etc - they are from the same shops we have always got them from - Asda, primark, M&S etc and she used to wear them without issue?! Tights give her eczema so she can't wear dresses/skirts with tights - well she could for a short period of time eg for a wedding/party but not all day every day. She won't wear jeans again they "bother" her. She will tolerate joggers on a dog walk if its cold but obviously she can't wear joggers to school except for pe and she can't wear joggers to smart places.

So what can I do? What other options are there that are warm in winter and won't involve a meltdown? Why are leggings suddenly a problem - anyone else have a child with sensory issues who won't wear leggings/trousers and what do you do in winter? Thanks

I guess it's hard for me to really get it. I wear jeans most days and find them comfortable - but I know she doesn't like them so thought leggings as they are soft would be fine but judging by the replies it's clearly more common that I realised.

My 15yo who has asd used to hate jeans too and preferred shorts or joggers but he does wear jeans occasionally now with no issues.

My youngest used to wear school trousers with no real issues but when he grew out of the pull on kind he decided that they weren't for him he is now in girls pull on trousers (the Jersey kind) for school and he won't wear school shirts either (never has)

Lord knows how we will achieve high school

What I can handle sensory wise can vary from hour to hour. I could get dressed in the morning and the clothing feels fine, by 11am its awful and tight and scratchy and it has to come off. Sensory processing issues aren't static or linear, they are very much fluid and can fluctuate. I know its frustrating for you but its worse for her.

@Stimpend she will not wear school trousers at all lol I suggested this but no because all the other girls wear dress/skirt with tights. She very much wants to fit in.

I will just let her continue with long socks and skirt/pinafore in winter unless she is really cold and then will try an alternative. School are pretty strict on no joggers and I don't think she would want to wear joggers to school anyway as none of the others do except for pe.

On dressing up days/book day etc she always wants to wear a princess dress but it's always cold so I say fine you can wear it but you need leggings and a long sleeve top under it/cardigan over it or its too cold due to flimsy material and she will wear them then and not fuss!

If the bamboo tights don't flare her eczema then I think we'll be sorted as she ultimately wants to wear dresses/skirts with tights to be like everyone else and it's me saying no to tights as they make her skin on her legs so sore and then she won't let me put the cream on so that's another battle which is why I've had to say no to tights so far.

I think you need to let go of what you think she should be wearing and be more flexible.
My sons are both autistic and both wear joggers to school. The school makes "reasonable adjustments" for them. One of my boys can't bear buttons, so the school let him wear a crew neck instead of a polo neck t-shirt.
Both of them wear joggers for trampolining and soft play and haven't complained they're too hot. In the summer they wear jersey material shorts.
They never dress up smart either. We had a big family dinner on a Friday night at a fancy restaurant for my 40th birthday, and both boys were in t-shirts and joggers. I would never force them to be uncomfortable for the sake of looking smart. It really doesn't matter.
I am also neurodivergent and can't bear tights or jeans. I find tights repulsive and jeans feel like prisons for legs.
Also, one of my boys won't wear a coat. And I don't either. We can't bear being bundled up. It feels like I'm suffocating. We would rather be cold.
Please understand that it isn't just a mild discomfort she's feeling, it can actually feel physically agonising and causes mental anguish.
And yes sometimes these things do start suddenly and without apparent reason. I don't know why my son all of a sudden hated buttons, but it's been 5 years now and he still won't wear them. He can do them up just fine.
Finally, try seamless socks. M&S do them as do Sock Shop.

Joggers to school can be a reasonable adjustment, thats what we do!

There are Sen socks you can buy I can't remember the name of the website we got them from I'll check later and get back to you @Aria20 . Or socks inside out can be a good compromise.

Have you tried organic clothes? My disabled DC lives in frugi clothes which are organic and super soft. Can be pricey though so look out for sales and on vinted. Or little green radicals which is another organic brand have just started doing an adaptive range of clothing. We buy both of these from "babipur"

Just to say I'm not forcing her to be smart.

She WANTS to wear dresses and skirts all the time! Which is fine but I don't want her to be cold in just skirts and socks and the normal tights give her eczema.

She doesn't particularly want to wear joggers either but accepts she wears them to the park or to walk the dog in the winter when it's cold and wet - she would be still in a tutu with sandals in lashing down rain and thick mud if possible but that's not really practical or safe in the muddy woods!

I am going to try bamboo tights first of all as then she will be happy to wear dresses with tights all winter as that is what she wants - her choice. As long as it doesn't flare eczema then that's fine.

She doesn't want to wear joggers or trousers of any kind to school as all her friends wear skirts and tights and she wants to be like them.

At the moment she has been used to bare legs for months, so leggings will feel very different.

I’m an adult and am struggling with transitioning back to trousers myself at the moment now the weather is a bit cooler! I can’t stand tights either.

The leggings won’t be the same as the ones she wore last winter - either she has grown so they are tighter and shorter. Or you have bought new ones which are looser, may feel stiffer as not washed as much, may be different fabric, may come up a different height on her tummy, etc, etc. It might even be the combination with her top - is there a gap where they meet? Is the waistband bulky? Wearing a long vest underneath might help if it’s that.

I assume you’ve cut out any labels? Wearing them inside out might make transition easier too.

It’s not always straightforward to work out what the exact problem is even when you are the person experiencing it.
And as pp have said, it can fluctuate.

So just calmly accept it is happening, try to let her choose her own clothes wherever possible, and be flexible about dress expectations as much as you can.

What about looser school trousers?

Places like m&s do a big range of sizes including looser leg fits aimed at chunkier kids, you could try those.

@TabithaTwitchet yes they are new ones as last years would be far too short now. They are soft and have been washed, I tried cutting labels out but that's not the issue. I think you are right she's been used to the freedom of bare legs for so long she doesn't want to go back.

I will try bamboo tights for now and if they don't cause eczema I will let her wear them happily as she wants. I will leave the option of leggings in her drawer but no pressure.

@TheLightProgramme she doesn't want to wear school trousers of any kind. My issue has been normal tights causing eczema so I have previously offered leggings instead of tights under her school dress. If bamboo tights are good for her then my problem is solved!

I'm in my 50s, I've always had issues over clothes. Not diagnosed with anything. I didn't realise as a child it was unusual to wear socks inside out so seams were outside. I thought that was the right way!
I don't wear clingy 'fitted' clothes even now.

I don’t have sensory issues but I am menopausal and have very dry, itchy skin and I am often overly hot. Its maybe the fabric rather than the item as lots of fabric particularly if its man made irritates the hell out of me. I cannot tolerate any polyester or elastane etc.

My DD now 18 and who I suspect was/is ND used to love a thin t shirt dress (Boden or H&M) knickers and sandals in the summer. In winter she would wear nicer jogger style trousers (Boden used to do some lovely ones) that were as comfy as her PJ’s but she would also sometimes tolerate M&S and H&M (always 100% cotton).

Certain socks or certain brands of knickers would annoy her as well.

PS although Boden is expensive they often offer good discounts and you can sell things on on Ebay for almost what you paid for them. So not as expensive as you might think.

My daughter is similar. Practically lived in leggings in early childhood and now can’t tolerate anything tight.

The only socks she feels comfortable with are seamless ones from the Sensory Smart shop. Her shoes also have to be ‘just right’.
Her school uniform is quite relaxed so she can wear joggers to school.

At home, she lives in shorts and T-shirts. As we head towards colder weather again, she’ll be wearing her joggers and loose fitting, long sleeved tops. She prefers natural materials like cotton and anything which feels soft on her skin. She doesn’t do ‘smart’ - even party clothes are shorts and a slightly nicer T-shirt (maybe with a bit of sparkle).
Honestly, for school it’s best to go with what feels comfortable otherwise it is likely to bother her all day and make her anxiety levels higher. It also makes it harder for her to concentrate and other sensory issues like noise are amplified leading to a stressful day.

I hope the softer, bamboo tights work. If you can get seamless ones…they might be even better. It’s all a bit trial and error.

My daughter wore leggings and tights until being about 4 or 5. Then couldn’t wear them due to sensory processing issues. She also didn’t like joggers. However I found harem pants on EBay and we had a lot of them for many years. She’s now 12 and it’s only this year that she’s started tolerating leggings again. I don’t believe that she is autistic although she’s awaiting assessment, but I do believe that she has sensory processing disorder for which we struggle to get any support.

Might sound a daft question, but does she have more/thicker leg hair than she used to? (Not necessarily to a puberty extent, but more a moving from toddler to child thing). The more leg hair I have, the less I can tolerate socks/tights/leggings pressing it all up in the wrong direction (then with tights, twanging through the fabric one by one over the course of the day). It gets literally painful, to the point I have to remove my toe/foot/ankle hair to be able to tolerate socks, though she presumably doesn't have much of that as yet.

Either that or transitions/changes in routine, as others have mentioned, or just a change in sensitivities. At some point I became more sensitive to labels and seams, and slightly less sensitive to shoes touching against feet, for example.

You might just have to tell the school what you'll be doing something differently to the uniform spec, as my lovely mum did with my not-diagnosed-with-anything self and my unbearably close-fitting early-90s PE plimsolls. She informed them I'd be wearing trainers instead. She also informed them I'd be wearing a digital watch as I couldn't learn analogue clocks for some reason (total blind spot there for years), and that I'd be wearing prescription goggles in swimming lessons despite goggles being banned. Nobody had a clue I had ASD, but my mum would just let them know what would be happening, not even imagining that they would object to a clearly rational exception — so somehow, they didn't 🤣

DD is 8 and is the same with leggings/trousers/tights. I've given up trying to fight with her and it's improved over the last couple of years. She will now tolerate one pair of leggings if the situation demands it. Otherwise she just wears dresses/skirts/shorts. She wears long socks if needed, but mainly I just make sure she has plenty of layers on top so her core is warm.

Bamboo tights sound great if they work for her- I had a pair for a while.

Also, have you tried the ‘adaptive’ leggings from m&s? They are very soft, flat seams and a label that tucks away so well I thought they didn’t have labels! They are on the thin side but good enough for most weather- and fluffy welly socks and/or waterproof trousers over the top have been tolerated when the weather is very bad.

Other options for staying warm in skirts could include combinations of long socks/longer length skirts eg midi or maxi/knee high boots with short or long socks/short socks that are thicker/wellies with welly socks/ankle boots.

If she's okay with tights apart from the eczema, one of the big sensory differences between leggings and tights is the seams, where the crotch seams are much thicker in leggings and can dig into sensitive areas, while the inner thigh seams (that you don't get on tights) dig in and kind of twang against each other when you walk (okay, less of an issue for a little girl than for my fat-arsed self, but they'll still likely be catching on each other and digging in). Is there such a thing as seamless kids' leggings?

Edit: also legging waists can sometimes roll down or dig in, which is uncomfy.

My DD7 is exactly the same with clothes. Hates 'tight' clothing, labels, socks (she will just about tolerate the bamboo ones from sockshop if they are inside out and still new enough that they're still soft), etc.

She won't wear tights (not even bamboo ones) or leggings either. Outside of school, she wears the H&M woven joggers (very similar to the Next ones that @Clefable posted).

Last winter I spent an absolute fortune buying various different school trousers. In the end, one disastrous morning after a humongous meltdown, she wore jogging bottoms and just continued wearing them. I just bought some in the school colour (dark grey) and although you can tell they're jogging bottoms, they don't look massively out of place. The school has been fine with it. She's still in summer dresses at the moment, but when it gets colder, I'm just going straight to jogging bottoms again.

Has your DD had an occupational therapy assessment?

My DC is also waiting for an ASD assessment; she has various other 'quirks', but the sensory issues are a major part. I'm looking into private occupational therapy as supposedly good for sensory 'integration'.

There do appear to be sensory clothing stores - quite a few came up with a quick google search - this was first on the list.
https://sensorysmart.co.uk/collections/clothing?grid_list=grid-view&filter.p.m.custom.size_range=Kids

I had to use eczema sites for DS when little - then found M&S did range of school shirts/trousers that suited him - seem to remember some sites did tights.
They were often more expensive but not having flare ups was worth it.

My daughter was exactly the same and things became more limited as she got older. I think she became better able to express her preferences and understand exactly what was bothering her.

https://www.everythingforeczema.com/products/100-pure-organic-cotton-school-tights?variant=36072024266

https://eczemaclothing.com/collections/kids-socks-tights?limit=12