Are you shocked when people lie to your face?

[Cherrylily7]

I understand that people exaggerate or even that some say they have no recollection of an event, which I think is code for yes that happened but I am not admitting it so I will say I can't remember in case you have evidence and could prove me wrong if I deny it.
But an outright lie still takes my breath away and having had this happen to me recently I am finding it hard to get past.
How do you deal with liars?

Not sure how I deal, but yes it's always a bit of a shock, like it doesn't compute. I then start to make excuses for them or question my own recollection. Then I start wondering, wait, are they deliberately lying, or do they just believe this nonsense - usually they're so steadfast in their belief it confuses me.

After a head injury, I spent a long time doing 'memory tricks' that are now second nature, so my memory even of conversations or more mundane stuff is arguably better than most. There's been a few times when I've used that to my advantage, and said something when I'm pretty sure someone has lied to me, 'X, are you REALLY gonna suggest my memory is wrong?' and quite often they back down and admit 'yeah okay it happened the way you said it did,' even if I'm still doubting myself. Like a bluff superpower

What I really can't stand is when people lie impulsively, like they say the first thing that comes into their head that makes them look good/better than the reality, and don't care about whether it's the truth or not. It happens so automatically in their head, with no fact checking or thinking, that I think it speaks to a deep character flaw, so the only thing I can do is distance myself from them.

Depends on the context I suppose. If they lie about having the last biscuit or they lie about having an affair, very different.

It depends on the lie. If it’s about something important I’m likely to call it out straightaway. If it’s not, I file away the fact that this person cannot be trusted. What’s really interesting is to see if the liar has any ‘tells’ - things that give away that they are lying. These are worth remembering for future occasions. I’ve known two people who could tell a huge lie and there was nothing to indicate that they were lying. Also worth knowing.

I'm always shocked by lies. I just don't understand how people get through life relying on lies!
How I deal with it, hmmm, friends who it is and the context but I'm quite likely to point it out but in a calm 'this fact over here contradicts what you just said, so maybe you need to rethink that' kind of way, I find people are more likely to step back from a lie if you give them a face saving way to do it.
But I hate lies with a passion so anyone who lies to me I will take as much distance as possible from and get rid of I can

Depends on the person as to whether I'd be shocked or not.

My close relative? Fully expect for lies to fall out of their mouth.

My best friends? I'd be very shocked and a bit concerned.

It's interesting isn't it because all of us lie at times - I don't think anyone can say they've never lied.

But still, I am also shocked when I find out!

To be honest I'm pretty bitter these days and I just don't expect anything but manipulation and bullshit from most people. If its important I try to get an email about it. To think people aren't self serving and prone to lying is naive

I'm usually bewildered and amused that they think they will get away with it and then I pull them up on it. Liars will keep lying to you unless it's confronted.

People lie all the time so of course it's not shocking. Ironically only liars say they never lie.

Excepting specific NDs etc.

I think the average is somewhere in the single figures per day. It's a rare person who never lies.

"I'm just leaving the house"
"I'll be there in five"
"I ran here"

You could clock up 5 or 6 just being late to see someone.

This..

No, I'm not shocked.

I was assuming by lies, op meant proper lies, not 'dinner was delicious' 'I'll be there in five' etc type lies.

I think so too. Lies to protect someone else's feelings are generally ok and part of modern social interaction. Lies to save your own skin/save face/make yourself look good/generally self serving are different I think.

Not at all, I accept that everyone lies. The hardest part is deciphering the truth.

I expect it these days. It just annoys me and I call them on it. If they double down I write them off as an honest person.

I’ve had my son ( in his problem teen years) lie to my face and that was very disappointing.
Ive had my DH tell me that everyone lies, and that’s disappointing and frustrating too, because no they don’t, that’s just an excuse to continue doing it.

I did indeed mean proper lies to save your own skin
Lies to be kind I don't really count
I have come across proper liars who lied for their own gain a few times in my life, one of my previous employers, ex-husband and best friend when concealing their affair ( yes it all happens to me, I am a total shit magnet!) a previous gp and now mad neighbour
But it still leaves me feeling shocked which is just stupid of me I suppose

I'm autistic and I would find it very difficult to lie. It feels like a malfunction so I don't do it. I don't do anything I think I would have to lie about afterwards and I wouldn't lie if asked my opinion on something (although I have learnt acceptable ways of framing things sensitively!)

If I know someone is a person who lies habitually? If I can, I have nothing more to do with them. What is the point in talking to someone who lies? If I can't avoid them (eg at work), I just don't pay any attention to things they have said. I just file it under 'things that didn't happen' in my head.

Depends on the situation but we all lie at times

How to deal with someone who is telling lies well if they are trying to fool you they are always one step ahead so I have just (in the past) accepted they are liars and thought about how I want deal with this fact rather than spend my time on trying to catch them out

I agree with pp those that claim they never lie always do

Only one person I know for definite has lied to me; she is a compulsive liar and everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. That did and does not surprise me because that's the type of person she is. I don't like her and try to avoid telling her anything.

I’m not shocked and respond with mmmm that’s interesting and a little laugh, then a slightly too long hold of the eye. Freaks them right out.

I'm usually annoyed rather than shocked, but I remember the clerk at a small airport car rental place where I'd booked "the cheapest you've got". When I got there and asked if the expensive one she offered was really the cheapest they had, she said "You asked for an automatic" with such confidence and aplomb that I would have believed her if I hadn't known better.
To this day I occasionally wonder if she believed what she was saying. Was it a prejudice that made her think young women can't change gears? Was she just trying to get more money out of me?

Not to my face, but an ex-landlord told appalling lies about me for financial gain, was believed by someone in authority and won his case, even though I demonstrated 100% that he had lied in one insurance. I was utterly shocked.

I was talking to a friend about it and she recounted an experience her husband had, where he was a witness in court and was utterly shocked when some people he knew flat out lied and were believed.

A lawyer friend said never take someone to court if you know they lie easily as outcomes are wholly unpredictable.

So what really shocks me is how easily liars are believed by those in power and the utter feeling of helplessness when an absolute miscarriage of justice occurs and you realise there is nothing you can do.

I guess in books and films, the goodies generally win in the end. In real life, confident liars probably win more often than not.

Drives me nuts.

But I'm not surprised anymore. We seem to live in a world where people can claim anything as "their truth" that's completely made up bollocks!