Are you shocked when people lie to your face?

[Cherrylily7]

I understand that people exaggerate or even that some say they have no recollection of an event, which I think is code for yes that happened but I am not admitting it so I will say I can't remember in case you have evidence and could prove me wrong if I deny it.
But an outright lie still takes my breath away and having had this happen to me recently I am finding it hard to get past.
How do you deal with liars?

As Rudyard Kipling said …‘And being lied about - don’t deal yourself in lies’

Liars leave me puzzled and pissed off that the person doing the lying thinks I can’t work it out. I also can’t stand people papering over the cracks to make it seem like everything is fabulous all the time when I’m meant to be a friend and I know it isn’t. It’s insulting

It annoys me. I had a best friend for about 20 years,we had an incident at work, I was right beside her. Every time she told the story it got more an more dramatic, until the last time I heard her, she was badly injured, almost killed (she wasn't) she got cancer,and a lot of people didn't actually believe her. I have a neighbour like this, often stupid things. She told me her DH makes their bread, I commented on how long prep and oven times were, I agreed with her. THEN one day,her DH told mine,hehas a bread maker!!! She frequently tells me that other neighbours have made nasty comments to her, I've known these people years,and know they wouldn't say these things. Oddly enough, other immediate neighbours don't speak to her at all. I have her version of why,a simple mail post error, but I don't believe this,it has to be something much more serious.

It’s like an illness with some people

No, I am never surprised when people lie to my face.

I grew up with an NPD mother whose lies were routine. I now work in the legal sector and witness people lying under oath on the daily.

I am a bit of a misanthrope probably.

I had this recently at work. A colleague I got on quite well with decided to lie to me about something important to save face. He doesn’t realise I know the truth. But yes, I was shocked because I thought he was reliable. And now I’ve lost all respect for him.

My ex used to tell all kinds of weird and wonderful lies. I think he truly believed he had done the things he claimed to have done. He told me he attended a particular uni and had a degree in engineering- he didn't even go to uni (not that I would have cared anyway). He also told me he played for a famous rugby team - it was quite obvious he hadn't and he had actually peaked in rugby at high-school 🙄 The lies about him not having an affair was the final straw. You really just have to avoid people like this!

Once someone lies to me, I’m done tbh. I’ll stay in touch and maybe drink with them etc, but I’ll literally never believe another word they say to me.
pin fact, I’m currently leaving my job partly because I am encouraged to blag/ bullshit/ lie to cover our own backs and I just can’t do it. If I f* up, I hold my hands up apologise - I genuinely can’t lie to save my life, no matter how trivial the lie is (think running late because you are stuck in traffic/ took too long drying your hair)

I once worked with a woman who lied about everything even when presented with evidence. So I’d ask if such and such was finished. She’d say yes. I’d ask where it was. She’d tell me. I’d look and it wouldn’t be there. I’d point out it wasn’t there. She’d shrug and say she’d done it. She was new so at first I thought maybe there was some IT glitch but as I got to know her better I realised she lied about most things and did very little work. She was extremely odd and I did a little jig of delight when she left!!

Millions of people voted for a man they know lies this I can never quite get my head around

I guess it’s when the lie is personal to yourself or contradicts very strong held beliefs it isn’t acceptable but otherwise ….

we can all turn a blind eye when it suits us

I'm autistic and lying makes me very uncomfortable. I can deflect and I can manage a white lie if I am concentrating and am not directly asked (e.g. that meal was delicious, thanks). However if you ask me a direct question I can't bring myself to lie in response even if that would be kinder (does my bum look big in this?). Possibly if it was life or death I'd be able to do so but the level of discomfort that thinking about lying gives me convinces me that it isn't worth it for anything less than a life and death issue.

This does mean that whilst I know theoretically that people lie I find it almost impossible not to take people at face value. I get hurt regularly when I find people lied and I didn't spot it. Makes me feel like an idiot.

Well, it depends on the circumstances - who's doing the lying, what the lie is, why they're doing it.

I used to work with a man who, on more than occasion, lied about things involving me while I was sitting right there next to him in meetings. It was so weird. He would say things like 'Manatee and I had a call with so-and-so yesterday and we agreed we'd do this...' and I would be mouthing 'THAT NEVER HAPPENED??' to our line manager across the table. He also once handed our manager a print-out of a draft comms plan and said 'So, I've done some research and I've put together this proposal...' and I said 'Er... WHO did some put some research and put together this proposal?' because I'd literally written the entire thing myself and he had had zero involvement. He blustered and said 'Oh, sorry, I meant 'we've' put it together' in a really irritable way, as if I was somehow being picky to raise this, and I lost the plot and said 'No, WE haven't; that is my work...'

He was sacked eventually but it was bloody weird. How did he think he'd get away with claiming my work as his WHEN I WAS LITERALLY SAT THERE NEXT TO HIM?

I feel shocked and a bit shaken by it.

I still haven’t figured out how to deal with it either.

Friendship or family wise, fine, you can just avoid them.

But professionally, especially when it’s a manager or chief executive, it’s pretty hard to challenge and can be quite mind boggling, particularly when they are trying to blame someone else for a mistake that they made, or do something unethical.

In other situations too - for example, I had to deal with a school SENCO who would sit in meetings opposite me, with other professionals present, and just outright lie (again, mainly covering up for the fact that she hadn’t done her job properly). It’s just so awkward !

I'm shocked when people lie to my face about things we both know to be untrue.
E.g. my boss saying he hadn't asked me to do something, when he sent me an email the day before asking me to do that very thing.

I hate lying and I don't do it. Would want to have as little to do with a liar as possible.

No, it doesn't shock me in the slightest. Humans lie - it's in our nature imo.

I'm autistic, too.

Unfortunately, I have that common-to-autistics trait of being very gullible and easily manipulated, so I take most things at face value. When I later find out that something wasn't true, I feel really embarrassed but I never learn! I guess because I don't lie, it doesn't occur to me that other people do.

In fact, it's so ingrained in me to answer questions as accurately as possible, it often leads to frustration/arguments. If a question has multiple potential answers based on context, I physically can't answer until I narrow down what they're looking for. Then they get annoyed at me because I won't "just answer the bloody question" but I can't - my answer depends on too many variables! 😥 example: DH recently asked me which washing powder is "better": bio or non-bio. I tried to find out what qualities he was looking for in a washing powder, he couldn't understand why I couldn't just tell him which was better, then I got stressed out, explained the positives/negatives of both products, and left the outcome up to him. TOO. MANY. VARIABLES. If I'd just said "bio is better", that would have felt like a lie because without the context, it might not have been the better choice 🙈

I recognise Al of that! It's why I don't bother with people who I know have lied. It feels like a huge betrayal.

And yes, I always give very detailed answers to questions!

My stbexh is a perpetual liar. He has lied so much over the years that I expect it from him now. He is such a crap liar too that it's just fucking tedious. I am no longer shocked by liars, I just don't like them.