Are you shocked when people lie to your face?

[Cherrylily7]

I understand that people exaggerate or even that some say they have no recollection of an event, which I think is code for yes that happened but I am not admitting it so I will say I can't remember in case you have evidence and could prove me wrong if I deny it.
But an outright lie still takes my breath away and having had this happen to me recently I am finding it hard to get past.
How do you deal with liars?

For me it's when someone tells a lie that is very obvious to the both of us but they still tell it. It makes me wonder how good their grip on reality is.

I used to really want to believe the best of people so I always felt really thrown when I felt or knew someone was lying to me. I would make up all kinds of justifications in my head to try to empathize and make them into a more decent person than they really were.

These days I am far more cynical (tough lessons learned). When I feel or know that someone is lying to my face, I trust myself. That person will be evicted completely from my life, or as far as practically possible. I won’t discuss it with them, I will simply cut them out.

I hate self-serving liars.

I once asked a colleague, who I considered a friend outside of work too, if he had any prior knowledge of an organisational restructure which meant my job was redundant and I needed to apply for a new role. He told me absolutely not, he's horrified at the situation etc. I listened to him and then asked again. He cried no, of course not, I didn't even know there were new roles etc etc blah blah...

Went onto my new role's job description. He was the author of the document.

I'm all for being professional, but he could've just said that. Something along the lines of yes, I'm sorry, I couldn't say anything beforehand. I would've accepted it happily. But to lie looking directly into my eyes was just astounding. Never trusted him again.

Both my brother and sister in law are compulsive liars, which has led to us being virtually non-contact with them.

In my brother's case, it was always to make himself look more important - he'd blatantly lie to family/friends etc in front of me, saying things we'd done or said, when he knew I was there and I knew he was lying (and he knew I knew!), but he just did it time and time again. All that led to going low contact when I was around 18 and started doing my own thing instead of doing things with him as family.

With SIL, she has a chaotic life, and just lies to divert blame from her own mistakes - everything is always someone else's fault, even though it's blatantly obvious that it hers! Like the time she sold her house - she'd been telling us for a couple of years that her boiler was faulty, and then it packed up completely, but she lied to the buyers/solicitors when she sold the house, signing that the boiler was working, and then, when the buyers claimed against her for the faulty boiler, she continued to claim it was working, and even whinged to us that they were trying it on, apparently completely forgetting she'd previously been complaining to us that the boiler was knackered! She did the same with another house that had dry rot - she hid it, claimed no problems and then again the buyers claimed against her for rectification - she again, in front of us, claimed she didn't know, but for a couple of years previously, she was telling us her hubbie kept having to go under the floorboards to spray dry rot treatment on the joists! Same again with selling a knackered car - we all knew it was knackered, but she didn't disclose it and whinged when the buyer wanted their money back! Every single time, she claimed, to us, that she was the victim, and clearly never remembered she'd previously told us about the faults etc! When we pointed it out to her, she just denied it and accused us of making it up!

Liars seem to have very short memories! At least if your going to lie, remember what lies you've told, otherwise you look stupid!

Most lies are either social as in "Honestly, your hair is not that bad" or can't-be-arsed-don't-care as in "Eh, yeah - I remember that hilarious night out now. Good times!". Or mildly self serving as in "I left the house on time but the traffic was dire".

I can't think of many times someone has told a malicious lie to my face. Even when people are talking shite they often believe it themselves.

I find it amusing because it’s so obvious most of the time. But I can read people extremely well.

People will lie to your face occasionally you do not realize this at the time. If I hear a different third hand it is more likely that the second account is true.

I'm autistic too and don't lie, I'm terrible at it.

I can sense a lie a mile away, pattern recognition I think. I don't confront them as afraid of confrontation. I've never met a neurotypical person who doesn't lie.

This might seem extreme but if I am certain I am being lied to, or have been lied to, then I distance myself from that person. Just got no time for the drama that liars inevitably create. (I’m obviously not talking about small lies - “I’m 5 minutes away” etc.)

I don’t claim to never lie, but if I need to hide the truth for whatever reason (e.g. to stop someone over-worrying, being judgemental or just being plain nasty - mainly family members!), I choose to omit facts rather than outright utter an untruth, if that makes sense.

This is a really interesting post!

My husband sometimes does the last bit. I would love to know your memory tricks!

Same, don't trust anyone other than my Mum

Oh snap, I’m glad I’m not the only one who cuts off liars completely.

One strike policy - they’ve shown you who they are.

My boss did it and I heard him lying to someone I managed about me. I called him out on it. He did it again and I called him out again. Twat.

Ah yes selective memory syndrome aka as gas lighting. I know what I heard and I know what I saw is my answer when they try that one .

Recollections may vary 😂

Harmless social lies are OK i.e. that was delicious/no you don't look fat. Anyone who says they don't do this is a liar!

Lies to con and manipulate are not OK. Like other posters on this thread I'm shocked that some of the most prolific liars aren't any good at it. (Though actually maybe the really good liars are so good I've never spotted them!)

I gave away a bundle of almost new baby stuff on free cycle. I had lots of requests for it but one was a lady asking for her "niece" who had just had a surprise baby after trying for 5 years. I was really touched by this as I'd also been trying 5 years to have my baby. On collection day two late middle aged women turned up and immediately opened the bags then looked at each other and nodded and took them away. I had an odd feeling that it was very "businesslike" and sure enough in the next few days I saw "my" stuff for sale on various online groups. Not much I could do as I'd given it away. Anyway when I put the next bunch of stuff up a few months later the same woman contacted me begging for it for her "friend" who's just had a surprise baby ... you know the rest. I ignored her but i was gobsmacked that since this was an ongoing con she didn't even keep track of what lies she had told to who!

I've also had boyfriends (teenage years) who cancelled dates because they were ill or "had to work" but something they said or did shortly after confirmed they went out with mates or just stayed in bed. One of them actually walked past my house with his mate and seemed astonished I'd "caught" him. I just happened to be looking out of the window!

If you're going to lie at least make it convincing!

Then there's the gaslighting liars. My wealthy MIL (RIP) was queen of this. She'd offer to pay for something or host something and people would thank her and plan around it accordingly. Then nearer the time she'd often say "I never said that" and make out the other person was greedy and presumptive. I quickly caught on that I should never trust a word she said. I refused any offers of help with our wedding, which really annoyed her - i was supposed to beg i think. She seemed to like the adulation of people's gratitude and then the sense of power when she snatched it away. She would even do it to her grandchildren (say she was taking them to the ballet on x date, they'd be all excited and then ... so cruel). She lost a lot of friends and seemed totally mystified by this. It was all their fault of course!

I'm not bothered by obfuscating lies "dog ate my homework" type shit, more blatant fragrant tall tales, like inventing shit that didn't happen lies. Gaslighting is always fucking annoying too, I remember my Mum chatting to someone in town, for some reason she mentioned that I wasn't planned. I was like err news to me love, deny deny deny .

Everyone lies. If you think you only deal with people who don't lie, I'm afraid you're wrong. Everyone you know lies.
And while you think you don't lie, I can assure you other people think you do.

I remember a friend, a boy she was hanging out with broke her bike, when we got to her house she put on an Oscar worthy performance of being injured , my tiny mind was blown. I'm absolutely terrible at it tbh, I give up really quickly lol also why on earth do people make shit up on the Internet? I truly don't understand what people get out of it, apart from if they are are scamming for money.

I'm possibly the most gullible person ever created, so I struggle to know when someone is lying. If I have two people telling me the opposite stories, then it's tough to tell which one is lying 🤷‍♀️.

This just says you are a liar and lack imagination.

It's like people who spout the "nobody can keep secrets" line. No, you can't keep secrets, some people can.

Our next door neighbour is a compulsive liar,she's got a shit memory though so she's really bad at it.

I find habitual, casual lies the worst. The ones that people tell so that they don't have to face the minor consequences of their own slightly crappy behaviour. Like lying to their mum about why they are late for the dinner she spent hours making, when the truth is they take her for granted and cba to get ready in time. It's so casually disrespectful and says something about a person's innate character.
Bigger lies, like digging yourself out of a divorce level event, I find easier to understand tbh (although not condone obviously)

I don't think there is any kind of human misbehaviour that would shock me these days.