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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this dad off at the petrol station.

139 replies

Duckingella · 17/09/2023 21:05

A car pulled up next to the pump where my DH was filling the car.

My jaw dropped when I saw inside of it;3 small children,no seat belts,no car seats and one sitting in the front.

I got out of the car and lost my shit with their twat of a father;he at least put their seat belts on before pulling off.

Gobsmacked doesn't even cover it;how can anyone be so damn reckless with their children's safety;I normally wouldn't confront someone like that but I just couldn't leave it.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 17/09/2023 21:55

Efficaciou5 · 17/09/2023 21:38

It really is none of your business. You do you and he does him.

If you think it's OK to go around "losing your shit" with randomers whose behaviour isn't directly affecting you and yours, because they choose to do things differently from you then it's only a matter of time before you'll find yourself being seriously injured, or even worse.

It’s anyone’s business when children are not being kept safe.

It would have been better and safer to have called the police, but worse to have simply ignored it

NeedToChangeName · 17/09/2023 21:56

Efficaciou5 · 17/09/2023 21:38

It really is none of your business. You do you and he does him.

If you think it's OK to go around "losing your shit" with randomers whose behaviour isn't directly affecting you and yours, because they choose to do things differently from you then it's only a matter of time before you'll find yourself being seriously injured, or even worse.

@Efficaciou5

I'd say it's everybody's business when idiots endanger the lives of young children

YepYepYepYep · 17/09/2023 21:58

Alargeoneplease89 · 17/09/2023 21:15

Why not call the police / take video / get number plate?

If he hasn't got the sense to secure his children properly, I doubt it would make much difference by "losing your shit"

I agree. Also, it's awful to loose your shit in front of kids. It can be scary and upsetting for them.

Figgygal · 17/09/2023 22:00

I had similar recently
Followed a car with 2 adults in front and 2 children in back
Girl maybe 5 behind passenger seat with her head and arms out the window for maybe a mile, by time I was beside this car as she was turning right to go into a petrol station childs whole top half was hanging out the car, cars swerving to pass her on the left side she was so far out.
I beeped and shouted from my car your child is hanging out of your car window and she gave me a filthy look. Some people are just bloody idiots

Needmorelego · 17/09/2023 22:01

@NeedToChangeName yes but the OP didn't know the circumstances. We don't know why the children didn't have car seats. Yes it isn't as safe but in emergency situations it's perfectly legal.
She didn't know the reason why.
Report to the police - yes. Shout at this random person and possibly scaring those children - no.

megletthesecond · 17/09/2023 22:06

So many people don't strap their dc's in. I saw a baby being held on the back seat the other week.
Yanbu. But next time also report to police.

RudsyFarmer · 17/09/2023 22:09

That took some guts. What did he say?

Johannalaw · 17/09/2023 22:25

I presume you asked the 'twat of a father' what his backstory was? What he was going through? What he went through. You could have got the same result and fastened or got him to fasten the seatbelts. My neighbour was going to do the same thing with her daughter, driving out of the driveway as I was watering the plants. I used an excuse to ask her how she was doing, knowing full well she lost her mother only a month ago, and her father has dementia, to give Molly a wave in the backseat and fasten the seatbelt while I talked to her poor mum.

Is that too much to ask, oh great and perfect one?

Side note: You don't get to take umbrage when someone loses their sh*t with you. When you are called out for making one of your many boneheaded actions, and she/he calls you a twat of a mother or person.
Or are you one of those two-faced moos who can give it but can't take it?

Chocolatepopcorn · 17/09/2023 22:28

Who do you think you are 'telling people off?' It was none of your business.

Original poster
Duckingella · 17/09/2023 22:45

Right got it;someone is putting 3 young kids at risk and I'm not to say anything.

I bet if I'd posted I saw it but did nothing I'd be slated anyway on here.

It was an emergency?;he pulled into the patrol station when three unrestrained kids in the car.

You know what else would be an emergency?;a car crash with 3 seriously injured or dead children;no "emergency" is an excuse for at least putting all three kids into the back of the car and ensuring they are at least strapped in.

OP posts:
MsRosley · 17/09/2023 22:46

fairyfluf · 17/09/2023 21:21

How is it the right thing to "lose your shit" that's not going to make any lasting chang.

Show quote history

Why not?

Maray1967 · 17/09/2023 22:52

Efficaciou5 · 17/09/2023 21:38

It really is none of your business. You do you and he does him.

If you think it's OK to go around "losing your shit" with randomers whose behaviour isn't directly affecting you and yours, because they choose to do things differently from you then it's only a matter of time before you'll find yourself being seriously injured, or even worse.

Wow. We’re supposed to ignore something like this, are we? Well I bloody well won’t. I would have bollocked him and then reported him to the police.

Children’s safety should be the business of us all. This is not ‘doing something different’, this is having no safety restraints on the children at all. If someone hits his car, those children will be thrown through the front windscreen and killed.

Floribundaflummery · 17/09/2023 22:52

You absolutely were right to take action OP rather than people say we should turn a blind eye to child abuse/neglect and put their lives at risk. You are very brave. I would have phoned police but I admire you for caring more about the children than the father’s reaction. To the PP who said it’s nothing to do with anyone else that’s why society is breaking down and so many people feel isolated. Everyone matters.

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:58

I bet ‘losing your shit’ made the already crap lives of the kids much better eh? Ffs.

Viviennemary · 17/09/2023 22:58

It was none of your business. Stop being a busybody.

Mistressanne · 17/09/2023 23:05

YepYepYepYep · 17/09/2023 21:58

I agree. Also, it's awful to loose your shit in front of kids. It can be scary and upsetting for them.

Show quote history

It’s a lot more scary being in hospital with severe injuries because your df can’t be bothered to keep you safe.

Siameasy · 17/09/2023 23:06

I can’t imagine caring. It’s chavs who do this so if you were to comment you’ll likely get a tirade of abuse

queenMab99 · 17/09/2023 23:14

Sadly, I rode around with my baby on my lap, or in his carrycot, in the back of our minivan, because we didn't know any better in those days. No one wore seat belts! In fact the first child car seat I had, just hooked over the back of the front seat, with metal hooks, but I thought that was more dangerous than baby just sitting in a seat, because if I braked too suddenly it flew off.

whynotwhatknot · 17/09/2023 23:17

its irelevant what we used to do i used to stand out of the sunroof when my parents were driving

the stupid man is risking his childrens lives

queenMab99 · 17/09/2023 23:21

15 Snaps of Children in Their Own 'Safety' Car Seats From the ... https://g.co/kgs/GnekUn
This is what I had

Before you continue

https://g.co/kgs/GnekUn

showmethegin · 17/09/2023 23:22

There's plenty of people with their kids in forward facing car seats, they aren't safe either. While I don't justify taking upon yourself to go mad at someone (I'd have just called the police), lots of people are able to get high and mighty when they aren't even keeping their kids safe to begin with.

Needmorelego · 17/09/2023 23:22

@Duckingella you don't know if it was an emergency journey or not. You have no clue what the reason was. At that moment in time a bloke needed to get some children from A-B. Why? YOU DON'T KNOW. There are many reasons that would come under the word "emergency" or even "unexpected journey" - which is actually perfectly legal under UK law.
Driving around in a metal box full of flammable material isn't exactly safe anyway - seatbelts or no seatbelts. But we do it because of the modern lives we lead.
You could have reported to the police but don't go shouting at random people in public because you have no idea what's happening in their life at that particular moment in time.

HiCandles · 17/09/2023 23:22

Unfortunately it's quite risky to you to confront a stranger. I understand the absolute disbelief having seen similar myself but it would've been safer for you to call the police.
Sadly many people just do not care or know about the law or safety. Just the other day I had to adjust the straps for a tiny newborn I'd met, parents had borrowed the car seat for this particular journey and had literally no clue how unsafe it was with straps set far too high and loose. They asked me what to do when I pointed it out but didn't really seem to get the dangers I tried to explain about.

nettie434 · 17/09/2023 23:22

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. Even if you had taken down his registration number and phoned the police, who's to say he couldn't have been involved in an accident before they contacted him?

i'd be more worried about the risks to children of being driven around without seatbelts than witnessing their father being shouted at.

NeedTheSeaside · 17/09/2023 23:24

Chocolatepopcorn · 17/09/2023 22:28

Who do you think you are 'telling people off?' It was none of your business.

@Chocolatepopcorn

children in danger are everyone's business.