To be very annoyed at my French DH and MIL's very laidback attitude to the use of our house?

[aroomwithaperfectview]

It's my first post and English isn't my first langage, please forgive my grammar.
My MIL turned up at our house last week as she usually does and just before leaving casually asked if, since we're away on October, would we mind having some people staying at our house. My DH said no problems at all but he did asked, afterwards, who those (these?) people were? My MIL mysteriously replied that she would let us know later.
Today, still a bit miffed about my DH's answer, I asked him if by now his mother had let him know more about this weird arrangement. I must say I'm not confortable at all having people stay in my house while we're away. Obviously I'm being akward, he doesn't know any more than me etc. , but will text his mother to ask, which he did. She answered saying she was coming back later today from one of her multiples holidays, will drop by our house to bring us some oysters and will then tell us all about it. My FIL will be present too but just goes with the flow.
Now, my MIL is very sociable (I'm an introvert). She loves nothing more than to throw big parties and telling her guests they can stay in our house for the night if needed which I've always acceped even though I don't like it at all. Not to drip feed, we already have a very good teacher friend who is staying with us on Sunday and Monday nights term time for practical reasons. This arrangement is for the whole school year then she will be able to retire. I did offer and DH went along, we're long time friends with both her and her DH.
Now, we both own our house, it's his mum, he has a large family, I've hardly anyone left. She's lovely, would do the same for us, not that I would ask.
I feel mean but I really resent her asking this kind of arrangement and resent my lovely DH for always saying yes, his argument being, well YOU can always refuse, I know but sick of always being the baddy. Have to go, apparently they're on their way.
Will reply later if someone is interested to find out who these (those) mysterious guests are.
By the way I'm French too but no time to edit my title or to reread this post.

I know you are French, because of the oysters!

personally, I would hate this, ( the house guest, not the oysters) , thé thought of some stranger prowling round my house when I wasn’t there🥺.

What does your insurance agent say about it? Could you get him to say it won’t be covered so you shouldn’t consent (my agent would have done this for me, if anyone had been mad enough to suggest it in the first place)
Bon courage!

The proverbial ship has now officially sailed.

You should have been more assertive and spoken up about your concerns.

Far too late now.

I know! But she always put me on the spot. When she texts, at least I have the time to think about an appropriate (lie) answer.

Ha this sounds like my DH and his family (also French!) But difference is I am not. I sort of assumed it was a French thing but as you say you are too and aren't happy about it, presumably it's not! I constantly feel like the bad guy when I get territorial about not wanting loads of people around or huge family gatherings/ houses just used by anyone who wants. It IS your house too though and you do get a say.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that you cannot agree because it does not fit with the existing arrangements for your friend. Yes, do come back and tell us who they are. (For some reason I am thinking of the Louis Malle film "Milou en Mai"). 😂

If you can't stick up for yourself invent a theft and say that the last time someone stayed your diamond earrings or whatever valuable you choose to say, went missing.

God no no no no! I’d be funny about friends staying at my house while I wasn’t there. There is absolutely no way on earth I’d let strangers stay.

Ton anglais est presque parfait! (mieux que mon francais!)

You are absolutely right to want to know WHO is going to be staying. Why can't they just stay in an airBnB??

My (french) ex often used to let his brother and brother's girlfriend stay in our apartment when we went away!

But then this would also apply to my teacher friend then? We went away last week end and left her alone in our house with our two dogs and will do it again in October. Never thought about telling my insurance company. Thanks !

YANBU. I would hate this!

Your English is excellent! Better than most Brits tbh

Do you have children living at home?

So glad you confirmed you are French at the end of your post - I was hearing your words with a French accent as I was reading.

No, you can't let people you don't know stay in your home when you are not there. It would invalidate your insurance, surely? (It's bad enough having strangers when you ARE there!)

Did you want to run an Air B&B?
If not, tell MIL so. If you do, then tell MIL what the price will be.

I would use your long term guest teacher friend as an excuse tbh

You spoke to her about it and she said she wouldn't feel comfortable alone in the house with strangers so regretfully you will have to say no

I’d be fine with it, but I understand you aren’t.

That said, I do think YABU about this bit- as your husband says, you have an issue, so you can say no. I’m afraid you want him to say no for you so you don’t look like the “baddy” and for me, that’s bit cowardly. If you want to say no, then do so! But don’t get him to do it for you, when he doesn’t mind….

Your problem is your husband. He should have said “we’ll think about it”, “look at our calendar”, etc.

I wouldn’t want strangers in my home without me there either.

You know your teacher friend, that's the difference!

You would be perfectly reasonable to veto guests staying in your house if you don't know them!

Ask your dh when HE is getting the house Guest Ready. After all he agreed to the guests..

why cant the guests stay at your MIL's house??? why yours??? better check airbnb now!!!!

husband is the issue, he should have said ‘let me know the details and ill chat to wife and get back to you’

How about 'hey mil I really hate the idea of people I don't know or trust staying in my house without me - how about you stay here with fil and leave your guests are your house?' That way you are being reasonable in their eyes.

JUST SAY ''NO''. People will take advantage if they can. She needs to know you only have the teacher to stay because of xyz. But no explanation is needed. Don't leave it to your husband to tell his mother as he doesn't seem too bothered.

No we have two adult daughers living on their own.

They've just left so here the full story.
My DH's cousin is having his 50th birthday party in October. My MIL didn't know we would be back on time for the party. She then decided our house could host quite a few people in our absence... family or complete strangers to us. We told her we would be back on time for the party and that we didn't mind hosting family (yes I know) but that I didn't want to host people I had never met.
To reply to a PP, yes, I should be more assertive about what I don't want and not let the bad job to my DH who never minds about having people round just like his mum. They're nice and relaxed people, I'm more reserved and hum... uptight.

Yes, that's what grates me everytime.

He would do it! I cannot use this argument, he's very involved in the running of the house.