To ask why your 3.5 yo behaves?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Like literally what is it you do and have done that makes them behave - don't run off, stop when told, walk nicely , not shriek.

And ideally with more nuance than tla generic "by being a decent parent" type stuff.

DTwins are great but they're just... spirited. Language is behind, understanding is there but it does complicate stuff.

They're told off, removed, made to walk on their reins etc
I'm not just sat there watching them misbehave and going "oh no, they're so naughty!"

So why are YOUR children better behaved than mine.??

Agree, my children are adults now and I could have predicted their career from age 5 onwards
Oldest always interested in other people…now a Social Worker
Second child very sensitive,stupidly intelligent,obcessed with animals and the world..now a consultant ecologist
Third ,Stressy competitive,tricky one to dress …now a graduate earning a lot of money and off to Tokyo soon with his firm
Am not surprised how my children are as adults.

I think its different with twins. Double trouble etc. Two of them to gang up on you, cook up schemes of chaos, highly likely to run off in different directions. Developmentally at the same age.

Whole different ball game imho to having two that are slightly different ages. So on that basis Id ask the same question you've asked op "how to get them to behave?" - but ask it to parents of twins.

Presumably then kids never tantrummed or misbehaved before the last decade or so, according to your logic

You're either stronger than me or my kids are fatter than yours 😂😂. I could carry the first like that but couldn't chase the second far like that, and hoiking no2 up would probably make me dislodge No1. I wasn't made to hoik around hefty preschoolers 😂😂

I saw, with a teacher who also has twins, a triplet Mom and Dad at the zoo (school trip) . Three gorgeous girls in pig tails all walking lovey (prob 2.5 years) and we were like 😲 . A thing of wonder!

Yeah, eldest is 8. Was a VERY different child but was a very poorly child who has massive social issues at 3.5, very non verbal, disliked other children, and was restricted due to O2 tubes so I kinda see the feral side of the twins and think this is what No1 should have been like 😂 who now never sits still or shuts up (ASD diagnosis is new)so I try to hold on to the fact that they're being so different is a sign of an easier start

Dd4 is also 3.5. Nursery describes her language as 'phenomenal' but she certainly can be a handful! My older children were always calm and placid. Not this one! Everything is a fight. Getting ready for nursery, leaving nursery at pick up time, changing her clothes, doing her hair. And she isn't toilet trained either, yet even though she's perfectly capable and knows when she's going to go. She will ask for a nappy. And everything has to be a certain way.

It’s a smokescreen with mine. I get compliments from family and friends about how good he is. Then we get home and I think how? 😂

My second DC was well behaved at 3.5 because it was in her nature. My first, simply, wasn't. He was a runner, and wasn't interested in doing what I said. I used to wonder what I'd done wrong. Nothing as it happens, I treated DD just the same, with a totally different outcome.

The breakthrough with DS came when he gained enough language to have conversations with us about imaginary worlds - about 4yo. We became interesting to him, at that point, and the running off stopped.

He's a very academic, high achieving, good natured, lovely young man with a nice friendship group now. Still headstrong! But in a good way.

Hang in there! They're working on being brilliant human beings who don't conform, but forge their own paths :)

When I was training to teach my tutor said the reason I was so good in the classroom was because I had a voice and manner that said I expected to be obeyed.

Don't let a hint of a doubt slip into your voice when addressing behaviour. Be firm and clear and allow no "Buts".

Both DSs had occasional hissy fits but always at home - never in public.

My eldest was feral at three, younger two absolute angels. No differences in parenting, just different personalities. My top tip however would be consistency, no means no even if carrying through is a pita.

Presumably you leave the house to scroll through mn then?!

My DC have always had access to tablets and watched TV and its not done them any harm. Its only quite loosely restricted (always age appropriate and switched off an hour before bed) but they do lots of other things (sports, activities) and they are learning to self regulate now they are nearing teen years. They are both very well behaved and happily switch off the TV/put down the console to do homework etc.

Presumably you leave the house to scroll through mn then?!

😂

Honestly, I think luck.

My first is bonkers also, my second the total opposite. Some slight improvement with praising good behavior excessively, and going through expectations before an event. But all a bit random.

You sound like you're involved and caring, I am sure you're doing everything you can. My pet peeve is being told "just be consistent". I am very consistent! Have lost count of times have carried #1 out of somewhere for not listening. The first time in a proper bed child got up 52 times (I counted!), and only stopped as passed out. Very easy to be consistent if your child obeys after warning 4! 😂

I give clear instructions and put in the groundwork when they were toddlers by enforcing boundaries and consequence. Ask twice nicely, warning, step.

From what i see of the kids that keep doing what they are told not to do, the parents just keep asking nicely to stop or saying they will get hurt doing it. I never hear those parents using a firm voice or getting down to the childs level and explaining that they've asked them to stop nicely and it's not a choice, they are being told to do it. I think those kids are never really clear that it is a direction and that they are hearing "please stop- if you feel like it"

I do try to avoid arguments though, like by saying let's put our shoes on, whilst I'm doing it, rather than just sending him off.

I'm also not afraid of handling tantrums outside the house which means that "the look" is usually enough.

ETA- they all go through difficult stages, just because other peoples 3.5 year olds are well behaved now, it doesnt mean they wont have a turn!

Hang in there! They're working on being brilliant human beings who don't conform, but forge their own paths :)*
This is lovely, thank you

I had 2 with a 14 month age gap so not the same but hard all the same.

The had a job to do in the supermarket to go and get whatever. We went aisle by aisle with a list. We never had treats apart from books.

They helped load the conveyor. If they behaved really well they got to go on the ride in the gallery bit of the supermarket. After we'd finished.

When they went through a wild stage I learnt I could find a couple of corners to stick each of them in anywhere for a minute or 2 while they got themselves into a better frame of mind to listen. I only had to do that for about a week to get over that hump.

I'm sure it's not advised now but it worked for me as a single mum with a full track le job.

I was here too. I'm feeling a bit out of it with a cold, but PM me if you want and I'll respond in a couple of days when I'm feeling better.

Where to go with it immediately - look at TheOTButterfly on instagram. Look at Zones of Regulation. Look at the book Self-Reg by Stuart Shanker. (It has a different name in EU - longer but it says Self-Reg somewhere in it).

Mona Delahooke is helpful too.