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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? I don’t feel guilty / sad for leaving DC to go out

77 replies

Mamatolittleboy · 17/09/2023 14:33

I have a 6 mo DS. I love him with everything I have. Myself and DH have started to have a night each per week where we will go out without DS for a few hours and do our own thing. I’m enjoying going out, seeing my friends, feeling like my old self, being able to put a bit of makeup on etc and dress up a bit.

Some of my friends tell me they’d feel guilty leaving this DC at home and hate being apart. Although I miss my DS and think about him, I can’t wait to have my own time each week.

Does anyone else feel the same as me?

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 17/09/2023 14:37

No. Those mums who give up their social lives are utter bores. All conversations are about the baby!
Dont become that !

MariaLuna · 17/09/2023 14:37

You have become a mother and still have a right to have a life and some time out.

It will refresh you and make you a better mother.

Ignore the friends who try to guilt trip you.

Cupofteafortwo · 17/09/2023 14:39

I couldn’t wait to get back to work when ds was 6 months! Adult interaction is so important for parents well being.

nimski · 17/09/2023 14:39

Not at all, I went back to netball twice a week when my daughter was about 3 months. Shes safe at.home with her other parent!

RosaBaby2 · 17/09/2023 14:40

YANBU as I am same, I don't really miss my kids if they're away for a weekend or whatever either, but each to their own.

readbooksdrinktea · 17/09/2023 14:40

Sounds pretty healthy to me.

Hbh17 · 17/09/2023 14:41

Why should you feel guilty? You are a person with their own life. And your child will grow up with a contented mother and a nice network of friends/babysitters as part of his life. So that's a win for him and a win for you. Don't be a martyr - enjoy time for yourself.

SnapdragonToadflax · 17/09/2023 14:42

Nope, I love the break. I don't do anything regular but when I do get some time to myself it's lovely. I sometimes miss mine at bedtime if I'm away, but not if I'm out for dinner or something. He's fine! You are still a human with interests outside your baby.

Original poster
Mamatolittleboy · 17/09/2023 14:43

@Hbh17 Thank you! I was messaging a friend yesterday who said she needed some time out (her DS is 8 mo) so I said we should do something next week for a few hours as I’m starting to have me time weekly which has been helping my mental health and she was shocked, couldn’t believe I was leaving baby every week and said she would miss her DS too much. She is going back to work next month!

OP posts:
MartinChuzzlewit · 17/09/2023 14:45

I’ve never, ever bought into the whole mum guilt bollocks. I feel guilty about nothing and I can’t understand why women feel they need to feel bad over perfectly reasonable things. It’s so fucking damaging. I’ve felt that since my babies were tiny. They’re now 6 & 10 and happy, well rounded independent smart kids

MinnieTruck · 17/09/2023 14:45

I’d be skipping down the road once I left my 3 month old to get a pedicure and get my hair done. Started leaving her when she was around 4/5 months with her dad so I could have a meal with friends etc.

I took a while to leave DS but that’s only because he was in NICU for ages and he had 1000 appointments once he was discharged. Finally left him around 6 months old to have drinks and it felt great!

As long as your child is safe then idk why you’d feel guilty. Some people want to be with their kids 24/7 but that’s just not me

Comedycook · 17/09/2023 14:45

Reminds me of the motherland scene where Amanda tells Julia...you work so hard, I would just hate myself...I just love my kids too much.

Echobelly · 17/09/2023 14:45

YANBU - you don't have to be sad about having time to yourself in order to prove to anyone you are a 'good mum'. Good mums have time to themselves, if that's what they want, so they feel happy and fulfilled and can be the best mum they can be. Or if you want to nest and stay in with your LO and that makes you happy, also fine.

I do think it's a bit of oppressive agenda left over that women feel they 'should' feel guilty for going out. But no one expects that of fathers, so why should the expect it of mums?

Original poster
Mamatolittleboy · 17/09/2023 14:47

@Echobelly I do really agree with this. My DH started up going pub twice or dinner with his mates so I said that’s absolutely fine, but I’m going out every week too. He’s absolutely fine with this too.

OP posts:
Mamai90 · 17/09/2023 14:47

I don't think I'd fancy a boozy night out every week as couldn't manage the tiredness but definitely a break is healthy. Don't let your friend guilt trip you, she's being ridiculous.

Original poster
Mamatolittleboy · 17/09/2023 14:50

@Mamai90 Not boozy, just going shopping centres or out for meals with friends. Occasionally a cocktail with dinner but not like clubbing. I’ve been to a bar once since DS not sure if I could hack it I get tired by 9:30 haha!

OP posts:
BananaSlug · 17/09/2023 14:51

I wouldn’t have done it at that age but everyone is different

CheshireCat1 · 17/09/2023 14:52

It’s nice to have a bit of me time. Life doesn’t stop when you have a baby.

Original poster
Mamatolittleboy · 17/09/2023 14:53

@BananaSlug Yes everyone is different ! Just from your perspective is there a reason you wouldn’t have gone out when baby is 6 months old? x

OP posts:
BananaSlug · 17/09/2023 14:54

I was breastfeeding but wouldn’t have wanted to anyway.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/09/2023 14:54

Of course you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s only expected for mums to feel guilty and they are also judged for having a life outside of their children.

I went back to work full time when my DS was 3 months. He also started sleeping out with Grandparents at 6 weeks old, completely guilt free.

We really need to move away from ‘mum guilt’. Mothers are allowed to be human beings, have careers and socialise.

PostBoxErgoProperBox · 17/09/2023 14:59

I wouldn't have done it (and didn't do it), but I don't think anyone should feel guilty about doing it if it works for them.

For me, the entire world tilted on its axis when my first child was born, and I never had any desire to be anywhere else after that. But that's just me, and it doesn't make me better than you. It just means we are different.

MartinChuzzlewit · 17/09/2023 15:01

BananaSlug · 17/09/2023 14:54

I was breastfeeding but wouldn’t have wanted to anyway.

Why not?

pangolinparty · 17/09/2023 15:04

I hot footed it out the door for a bike ride the second my Physio said I was recovered enough. Think my son was about 2 weeks old? I didn't give him a backward glance or second thought for the entire few hours I was out. He was bottle fed, so there were no logistical issues. I remember the intense feeling of freedom and sheer joy of being out alone, likewise that wonderful feeling of not being responsible! I carried on this way several times a week. He's now 6 and nothing has changed! I remember at times being too tired to ride, so I'd go a short distance to the first available sunny field and lay down, enjoying the peace, calm and sun on my face. I always came back feeling refreshed and invigorated. I always maintain it makes me a better mum. My partner was out as much too... he felt the same as me. Nobody would have made or expected him to feel guilty because he's a bloke.

It's a trope of sexist shite, conditioning us to be subservient and not prioritise our own needs. It's counterproductive- I always say happy mum/ happy kid. Who functions well when they feel jaded, bored, overwhelmed and just desperately need some time out?!

FrenchandSaunders · 17/09/2023 15:04

Sounds great OP.

My first night out for dinner with friends was when my twins were 7 weeks. It’s good for their dad to get used to things alone.

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