To be depressed about all the weight loss talk conversations

[Cluelessat33]

I've just spent a weekend away with lots of other women and I have come away feeling a bit sad about how much of the conversations were about loosing weight, dieting, weight watchers, calorie counting, fasting, loosing weight for weddings, loosing weight for holidays and just generally being unhappy with their weight and appearance. All these women have had children and are in their late 30s or 40s. Am I being unreasonable to find this whole obsession with weight depressing? I have a 5 year old daughter and feel so strongly that I don't want this for her. I make a conscious effort to not make comments or anything relating to food intake and weight in front of her.

People without the problem don't have much to say so are greatly under-represented.

There is limit to what we can do as parents. Obviously, try to model all the healthy lifestyle habits. Is what you can do.

It’s a sort of defence mechanism I think? The women were feeling very self conscious about their weight and wanted you all to know they were doing something about it.

You can’t call them fat because they already know type thing?

Were you with a close group of friends?

(also it’s an easy ‘go to ‘ conversation when there is an uncomfortable silence).

@Ivegotsunshineinabag I wouldn't call any of them overweight. I'm close with several. This is often the topic of conversations.

I think it’s important not to shy away from having open conversations about the level of obesity in this country.

what’s not helpful is how the conversations are framed around all the fad diets. (Which is what happened in your case OP). I’m not sure how we change the narrative with all the misinformation and people wanting quick fixes though ☹️

YANBU. It's incredibly boring and depressing to listen to and very sad to think how much time perfectly normal people spend scrutinising their appearance and chastising themselves over issues no-one else is thinking about. Even worse when kids are around listening to it.

@mintbiscuit that's my concern. I grew up with my mother, who was perpetually on a fad diet. As a teenager I did have an eating disorder. And was very obsessed with my weight. But I've gone full circle and now actively avoid that. I just try to eat healthily and in moderation.

But they weren’t doing it in front of your young daughter.

I want to lose weight and am making an effort to do so. Why? Because I know my only worth as a woman is to be thin and to look good in dresses and to have men look at me appreciatively? No. To be able to compete with other thin women? No. To be able to join in with the only interesting conversation women ever have? Also no!

It is because I know it will improve my health, it will make me feel better, it’ll be good for my knees (!), and I have a lot of clothes that don’t actually fit any more because I like eating food. I’d like to walk up a flight of stairs without needing a coffee break half way.

Not all reasons for losing weight are shallow.

And having a holiday or wedding to do it for is often just a convenient target, it’s hard to do something in time for an unspecified time at some vague point in the future. The wedding on 30th January is a clear target.

But it is incredibly boring to listen to, I give you that one. I limit my talk to specific Mumsnet threads here.

Even when I was on proper cal diet, no one knew really. I find it sad and ridiculous to go out for a meal etc and spend all the time talking about diets. One side og my family went on a diet and when we met up it was non stop. Non stop. I just want to enjoy meal in peace. I found group who don't do this and used to go out with them rather than with a frirnf who spent evening faffing about "hoe bad hihi eating all this. Bad me hihi".
Adding: It often tutns into something sinister too whrn these people start doing "oh wow you can eat all that? I couldn't I am trying to be good". No you are trying to make others feel bad about food so you are not the only one.

What's depressing is that a group of or couple of men getting together won't talk about this.
I know many men do care about their appearance but I hate that women are so much more conscious of every little pound and always on a diet etc

No @GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife they weren't, but what I'm trying to say, not very well I suppose, is this obsession with weight is everywhere. And pretty constant. And so shielding young people, any young person,is impossible, which i find depressing.

Did you try talking about something else?

It’s dull and draining conversation!

Sd

@fairyfluf well I mean of course. But every time food was around, or discussed, or holidays or weddings or anything really.... maybe I'm just the odd one. But having had an eating disorder and recovered, I actively avoid engaging with these conversations because I find it deeply unhealthy.

Sorry, posted in error above and can’t delete it!

I find any time where the main topic of conversation is one topic regardless of the topic i try and talk about all sorts of things, if I was in the ops situation I would have to have gone out and leave them to it

It so boring talking constantly about the same subjects

I am very interested in health, fitness and nutrition, but I find the focus on weight loss and fad diets very sad and concerning. Being slim doesn't equate being healthy. Most people have no clear idea what a healthy diet looks like. And many focus on weight loss without ever doing any real exercise.

So it turns into a vicious cycle of dieting, gaining it back (sometimes more...), dieting, et cetera. And all the while they are getting less and less healthy and children pick up the unhealthy eating patterns.

I would find that depressing too. It’s also very boring to me as a topic of conversation. I’m aware there are lots of women who talk about this sort of stuff but not in my own group of female friends, I’m glad to say. I have friends of various shapes and sizes and levels of fitness. Some of them run marathons, some of them never exercise. Some are vegan and health conscious, others eat lots of ‘junk’ food. But I can’t remember the last time any of them talked about weight, weight loss or diets.

Yes very boring! I managed to lose 9 stone and didn't start a chat about it once

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife I totally agree. Had a big health scare last year and was also 4 to 5 stone overweight. I limit my conversations to here. My friends though do frequently talk about such stuff when clearly perfect weight and it is a bit tedious. I'm 61 but they are early 40s- maybe they are still focussed on 'looking great' whereas I'm more focussed on 'feeling better'

I know exactly what you mean, OP.

I would speak up if anything diet/weight-related was said in front of my children as, so far, they’ve been protected from any form of diet-culture/fat prejudice.

But, even when it’s adults-only, I really cringe when well-educated women talk openly about being “good” and “bad” in the context of their food choices. I don’t care if someone has a pudding or doesn’t - but I think it’s beyond stupid to frame it as an ethical decision.

@Disturbia81 blimey- well done!! I'm high giving myself at losing 2 stone in 10 months!!

It's more depressing their focus seems to be on appearance and looks rather than health!

As someone who has previously been obese (now BMI of 21), I totally understand the appearance and looks. Likewise how it 'feels.' But having been that fucking fat, now not and comparing health then to health now. I should have been far more concerned about my health. The perpetual back ache, the IBS, feeling low, lacking energy, breathless on getting up from a chair etc. I couldn't tell you what my cholesterol or blood pressure was like then. I was eating rubbish food - study after study has shown the impact a bad diet has on long term health.

I joined WW and another occasion SW. I'm afraid neither push healthy diet or sustainable weightloss. In the end I used MFP to calorie track and very gradually changed my diet from processed shit, to quality whole foods, stacks of fresh fruit and veg and meals cooked from scratch. I'm mid 40's very perimenopausal but feel fucking great. I'm an endurance athlete (amateur and age group but take it very seriously round work/ kids). All my health markers are spot on. I have no health issue. No aches. No pains. No medication. I'm bursting with energy. It's had a huge impact on my mental health. Positive of course. This is what we should be aspiring to!

Any topic can be boring, if people bang on about it too much.

But given that we live in an obesogenic society with far too many people overweight, I can think of worse things to talk about to the exclusion of others

There was a thread on here yesterday about a woman who's husband didn't believe women have hobbies.

The problem is that social pressure tells women from an young age that their entire being and purpose in life is to please men. To be attractive (for men). To get a man. To do everything for the man. To raise the children for the man. To still be physically desirable for the man otherwise he will go and get another woman. All of the diet talk is just an extension of that. We must be thin because God for fucking bid we be fat and offend the poor little men's eyes with our excess fat.

Imagine all of the wonderful things women in the world could do if we didn't spend all of our time worrying about men.