To be depressed about all the weight loss talk conversations

[Cluelessat33]

I've just spent a weekend away with lots of other women and I have come away feeling a bit sad about how much of the conversations were about loosing weight, dieting, weight watchers, calorie counting, fasting, loosing weight for weddings, loosing weight for holidays and just generally being unhappy with their weight and appearance. All these women have had children and are in their late 30s or 40s. Am I being unreasonable to find this whole obsession with weight depressing? I have a 5 year old daughter and feel so strongly that I don't want this for her. I make a conscious effort to not make comments or anything relating to food intake and weight in front of her.

YANBU. Apart from anything else, diet talk is really fucking dull. I’ve lost loads of weight in the past and never felt the need to talk about it. I didn’t talk to friends about my binge eating, I don’t want them to talk to me about their plant based diets.

Conversations about “the toll obesity is taking on this country” as suggested by a PP - an equally fucking boring topic for a weekend away unless you’re the sort of self congratulatory smug pricks who like to bang on about how “we’ve” lost sight of normal.

I used MFP to calorie track and very gradually changed my diet from processed shit, to quality whole foods, stacks of fresh fruit and veg and meals cooked from scratch. I'm mid 40's very perimenopausal but feel fucking great. I'm an endurance athlete (amateur and age group but take it very seriously round work/ kids). All my health markers are spot on. I have no health issue. No aches. No pains. No medication. I'm bursting with energy. It's had a huge impact on my mental health

I'm pushing 70 and I pretty much do the same. Weight training instead of endurance athlete, but I am fitter than I was in my 40s.

I could probably do with losing 3-4kg but I am not going to obsess over it. I eat virtually no UPF, sugar or refined carbs. My diet - most days, but I am not religious about it! - consists of around 50% plants, 25-30% lean protein, plus some complex carbs and healthy fats.

I am healthy, feel great and I look good for my age - even if I say so myself. And I do it for myself. Like @Notsadaboutit , I think of all of the wonderful things women in the world could do if we didn't spend all of our time worrying about men...

I agree about the obsession with being fat, people should not be so castigated for it, but the linkage to all about looking good for men is interesting. Go on WooPlus and you'll find proportionately the fat men struggle whilst the fat women get snapped up.

I think 95% of slim people loathe fatties and try to convince themselves its just for health-related concerns, which is bollocks. Not sure its one sex or the other driving it?

@Notsadaboutit I mean I have to agree with this. I'm single, and the freedom of not feeling like I need to do anything for a man is fabulous. I have extensive hobbies, and a great life. But there is a heck of a lot of pressure from my female friends about getting myself 'back out there' wherever that is, and dating again, something I'm pretty much completely disinterested in. Life is great when don't need to worry about appeasing men. But that's possibly a topic for another day 🤣

I think you’re so right that fat-phobia is often being dressed up in faux-moralistic “health-concern”. It really gets my goat actually - people should at least have the courage and self-awareness to own their own prejudice.

I do still think fat women get a tougher than fat men. I think society’s expectations on women to conform to a “feminine norm” are so strong.

Thats interesting about the dating sites. But I wonder if this is more reflective of the fact that women generally do better on OLD than men. I wonder if it’s saying less about male v female fat prejudice and more about how it’s just generally easier for all women to find dates online than men.

Or maybe my own personal perspective as a slim woman who prefers chunkier men is colouring my perspective!

An ex of mine disapprovingly stated that he'd 'never met a woman before who wasn't on some kind of diet'.

I wasn't actually fat at the time, but even if I had been, the idea that it's somehow a woman's duty to be slimming for men... just ugh.

Love this, well said 🖤

I'm just checking as I know it can be all to easy to just sit there and be bored without trying to change it. I don't think you are the odd one. It is depressing.

But some people don't find this topic a boring conversation. I enjoy talking about exercise, nutrition, diets, fasting, etc. so if I was with other people who were also interested, we'd chat about it. As it is, DH finds it completely dull and most of my friends and work colleagues aren't interested either (larger women who don't go to the gym)

However I'm not totally boring and love conversations about other things too - especially on a girls weekend away as that's when you can let your hair down!

@MrsJBaptiste I don't think I said I thought it was boring. I said I think it's depressing, sad and damaging.

Meh. I'm calorie counting because I'm close to obesity and it's not healthy to be fat, whatever people may say. I don't talk about it in real life though unless people ask.

It’s so boring. Most of my friends don’t discuss weight. I have one or two but they’re a bit dim god love em.

I think there is an element of competing with other women as well. Female celebrities who turn up half naked to red carpet events are doing it as much to show off their youthful toned bodies to other women as to impress men.

Yeah weight loss is a really dull topic and some women seem to be very concerned with it at all times, commenting on what foods are naughty or good etc. I’m sick of it. I’ve started listing to some great body positive / neutral podcasts which have helped me see my body in a better light and now I just feel a bit sorry for people who are still obsessing over how many pizza slices etc and how misinformed we are as a society.

Try listening to Maintenence Phase (diet myths busted with science/research) Go Love Yourself, Eat the Rules and What the Actual Fork.

You can be healthy and unhealthy at any size

It's the competition. I basically stopped wearing make up most of the time and the only commentors were women.
"I wish I didn't care like you do about my looks". 🙄
The weight thing is similar. Or hair styles. Or anything we do. Nails? Most men don't give a fuck if you have £30 quid nails on. Women do. Men just realise if your nails are dirty and unkept (like broken etc). I asked various groups of them!

No. If you're obese, you are not healthy. It's a fact. Not everyone who is slim is necessarily healthy either, but pretending that obese is healthy does nobody any favours.

Well you can be temporarily tbf. It just... Doesn't last forever

I’m one of the posters who said that I thought such conversational topics were boring- I really do. Luckily my friends are of a similar mindset as me so it doesn’t come up in our conversations (even though some of them are indeed on diets/health kicks etc).

I once went to a hen night meal out where I didn’t know many of the other women and ended up seated next to a woman who spent most of the meal talking about her weight loss, and showing her ‘before and after’ photos. To her credit, she had indeed lost a significant amount of weight and looked great but she spent a large proportion of the evening talking about it and scrutinising the menu talking about what she could and couldn’t eat. It was boring.

If others are in a group who enjoy discussing weight loss and diets, they should obviously crack on!

But many people find obesity depressing, sad and damaging.

These conversations don't just come about because of men and wanting to look good for them.

However, any topic is boring when people go on and on about it.

And you can lie down in a bus lane.

You might not get hit by a bus immediately but sooner or later it's bound to happen.

Yanbu to hate this. I also hate it and don't find that talking about it helps anyone the way people are saying it does. I avoid the staff canteen these days because of all the "oh, now I've eaten ALL THIS FOOD I won't need to eat again today" type comments after they've had a small plate of food. It is constant with my family as well. They talk constantly about how they're going to lose weight (but none of them actually does)!

I do sometimes think if they all just chilled out about it all they'd actually be healthier, but I know that's easy for me to say as I don't especially want or need to lose weight.

OP has said that the women talking about diets etc weren’t overweight. Slim women talking about ways to get thinner.

This is the dominant topic of conversation among women in my workplace and they're definitely not all obese. It's depressing.

I just think it's a normal thing that women talk about tbh and alway will.