To be depressed about all the weight loss talk conversations

[Cluelessat33]

I've just spent a weekend away with lots of other women and I have come away feeling a bit sad about how much of the conversations were about loosing weight, dieting, weight watchers, calorie counting, fasting, loosing weight for weddings, loosing weight for holidays and just generally being unhappy with their weight and appearance. All these women have had children and are in their late 30s or 40s. Am I being unreasonable to find this whole obsession with weight depressing? I have a 5 year old daughter and feel so strongly that I don't want this for her. I make a conscious effort to not make comments or anything relating to food intake and weight in front of her.

What’s that supposed to mean? Everyone dies, thin, fat, fit, unfit. Might as well live happily making peace with your body.

Anyone interested in the roots of our society’s fat phobia might want to read “Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia” by Sabrina Strings

People tend to live happier without self inflicted medical conditions though 🤷‍♂️

It's one thing having health conditions that limit mobility, cause pain and need lifelong treatment, but quite another if they could've been avoided.

There's no point in dismissing this, in the same way that some non smokers get lung cancer, but far more is self inflicted by smoking.

Smoking is a behaviour though. Being overweight isn't. A person cannot just wake up one day and stop being overweight.

There is a Dr I used to follow on SM who talked about fat phobia in the medical profession. They said that fat phobia and the stress and shame associated with that is probably more damaging physically than someone being overweight but crucially not being treated like a terrible person or problem to be fixed as a result.

I've read that book @Thementalloadisreal and have mentioned it a few times on MN too! Falls mainly on deaf ears obviously cos...MN, but you know.

Anyway, I am a "healthy weight" (whatever that means) but it doesn't take a genius to spot the phobia on here towards people not being in the healthy bmi range (which also seems to be a load of nonsense.

I do always question if anyone is making money out of whipping up fear and hatred. In the case of fat phobia there are plenty of people making a lot of money.

I just think talking about it is counterproductive.

Those who have recently lost weight will find it enjoyable and empowering, while those who have recently put weight on will be miserable and powerless.

I only talk about weight if someone has lost because I'm interested in how they did it. Generally no more than 5 minutes needed on the topic.

Hmm. Proper conversations about actually eating nutritionally and keeping fit and healthy I enjoy. Complaining about being overweight and needing to diet whilst sat eating junk and never changing anything I don’t.

Smoking is a behaviour though. Being overweight isn't. A person cannot just wake up one day and stop being overweight.

A person can wake up one day and decide to stick rigidly to a diet, just the same as a smoker can wake up one day and decide to stick rigidly to a smoking cessation plan.

Neither is easy, both will likely see the person going through sheer hell and misery at times.

But it's far better than deciding to 'live happily making peace with their body' as you put it.

I completely agree with you both.

It's easy to blame men on here, but in truth they generally don't care about details like nails, particularly fashionable hairstyles, the latest bag styles. And especially not Botox and fillers.

Honestly, none of them are impressed by pumped up lips and massive eye lashes, from what I hear from DD, her friends and my nephews in various conversations.

We are our own worst enemies when it comes to competing with each other on looks and appearance. It's very sad.

That's bollocks, men will say they don't give a shit, but it's blokes paying for onlyfans of the hyperfeminine women. They fucking love women spending all of their time and attention on appearance. They love the botoxed surgeried women, they can't even tell the difference between women and trans women half the time. Men talk shite

Well I like to look at pretty guys in movies. Knew very handsome guys who had skin routines, hair routines, shave body etc... Nice to look at. Would still not want one at home

They don't like women, they are attracted to femininity, hence the not being able to tell when it's a man

And?

Talking about weight and food I agree is hopelessly dull.

And... It means that liking to look at something doesn't mean you want to have the same at home.
Quite frankly if men were really SOOOO much into that "barbie perfection", majority of us would be fucked and never find a partner. Same goes for guys who don't look like Henry Cavill.

I really like the look of the feather lamps. No way would I take one home knowing the upkeep and dusting would be a pita. Same goes for a partner with high upkeep.

Look at the porn men watch. Just because they can't get it in real life, doesn't mean they don't desire it.

Every single (almost) solid family man out there will be fantasising about some perfect woman with a big booty and awesome tits who will take it up the arse whenever he pleases. Internet porn is a plague.

Depends if its unhealthy obsession or care about health.

Weight loss if overweight or obese is a healthy choice.

Being overweight is detrimental to your health, so it’s good they are taking action. However, it doesn’t have to be a topic of conversation. I lost quite a lot of weight a few years ago and I can’t say I ever discussed it with anyone unless they brought it up and then only very briefly.

I suppose if there are a few of them all trying to lose weight then it’s comforting to talk about it? I would just let them get on with it for a while and then try to change the subject.

The other phobia on MN.... either fatties or men (fat men are for hanging, drawing and quartering btw).

You're talking rubbish, but don't let that ruin your fun.

I really like talking about health if it comes from a place of genuine interest in keepnig our bodies feeling good, ageing well, educating our kids - healthy cooking, exercise, etc. Those are topics of interest to me and I like talking about them.

The problem is when it comes along with talk of fad diets (weightwatchers etc), losing weight to look better for an occasion, and all the shit about how much more socially acceptable it is for women to be slim, and how we should all hate our bodies if we aren't a size 8.

That is poisonous and if my friends frequently discussed such things then I would distance myself and try to find people who are more on my wavelength.

Eh? I never said "make peace with your body". Don't put words in my mouth just so you can win your argument thanks

You're right, I had originally quoted and answered Thementalloadisreal, and you took up the conversation.

Either way, smokers quit when they stick to the cessation plan and overweight people lose weight when they stick to diets.

Factually untrue. The idea that overweight people can just go on a diet, stick to it and stay thin is simply false. Even in cases of successful weight loss, it is usually short lived and put back on in the long term.

There is a myriad of reasons - medical, biological, hormonal, emotional, mental, socio-economical - why this is simply not how it works.
Eat less move more is the tag line of anti-fat bias, not reality.

Meanwhile, movements such as body positivity, acceptance and neutrality, have been shown to increase self-esteem and improve both mental and physical health. Inevitably leading to a heather and happier lifestyle.

I’d suggest some further reading starting with the books of Aubrey Gordon who brilliantly myth busts everything you think you know about fat people

smokers quit when they stick to the cessation plan and overweight people lose weight when they stick to diets.

That is factually true.

I didn't say it was easy and I didn't say it was always possible, but that doesn't make it factually untrue.

It’s not actually factually true though, not for the vast majority of the population.

Some people stick to diets and don’t lose weight. Some people develop eating disorders and still don’t lose weight. Some people can lose some weight but most put the weight back on long term - there are studies, there is evidence that it’s more than just “sticking to a diet”.

Meanwhile this attitude just enables prejudice and perpetuates anti fat bias against people for whom it is a much more complex issue than just “sticking to” a diet. The information is out there for everyone to read and learn, you’re being simplistic about a very complex issue.

I suppose by your logic it is factually true that if you buy a lottery ticket you’ll win the lottery? Not for most people.