AIBU when I invite my friend to stay over at my house but then go and stay with my girlfriend leaving my bf on their own?

[Hei253]

One of my friends and I went to watch a football match in another city about 3 hours drive away. We would get back mid evening and instead of my friend having to drive back home only to drive back to my village again for work early the next morning, I offered for him to crash at mine for the night. When we got back however, my gf was messaging me and asking me to go round to hers to stay over so I told my friend I had to go out but to help himself to anything he needed (drink, the bathroom, whatever) and he'd already gone to work the next morning by the time I got home.
Now that friend didn't say he had a problem with me leaving him on his own but then I was talking to one of my other friends and we were discussing the plan of action after a concert that we're due to go to in a week or so. She lives further away than I do but I'm giving her a lift home and we won't get back until around 1am so I suggested she stays at mine so it's not quite as far to drive back that night (only an extra 15 miles to drop her back home but then going back to mine means an extra hour driving when I'd rather be getting to bed). I told her she could crash at mine and then I'd go round and stay at my gf's house leaving my friend on her own and she said that it's rude to invite someone to stay over and then leave them on their own in your house. No matter how good friends they are that they normally feel comfortable in your house I'm being unreasonable by leaving them.

Yeah YABU. It is odd and rude to just leave someone in your house like that after inviting them.

That is very weird behaviour and definitely unreasonable!

Yes it’s rude. Can’t your gf stay at yours instead? If not I’m sure she can survive without you for one night

Yes. You're just abandoning people in your house. It's rude

Why are you so insistent on seeing your GF when you are with other friends? I think it’s bloody rude. Are they supposed to just work out where everything is themselves?

Can you honestly not be apart from your girlfriend for a single night and actually spend the night in your house which you invited your friend to? I guess it’s not massively unreasonable, at least they’ve got a roof over their head. It’s fucking rude though. I’d be questioning if you were in an abusive relationship as you couldn’t spend the night in your own house with your friend after a day out, you had to abandon them at your property and sleep at your girlfriends

Course it's rude.

I call reverse.

If you're so desperate to get home asap after the concert that you can't drop your friend off, you'll be far too tired to go visit your gf as well, surely?

I’m assuming this is a reverse now with the way it’s worded. Let your partner spend the night in his own house with his friends ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think it depends how you approached the invite. If it’s more ‘hey I’m at my gf’s tonight, but you’re welcome to use my place to crash for the night if you want’ then I think fine. If you invite them to stay and then announce actually your gfs that’s not so fine.

YABU - if I was going to "crash at a friend's" I would expect that said friend would also be in residence! It's the height of rudeness to just leave a guest alone in your house because you had a better offer.

As much as I love my friends I'm really not comfortable being in someone else's house alone - you don't know where anything is, nobody is there to ask if you can use XYZ/take a shower/grab an extra blanket, what to do in the morning when they leave etc, and it's just not your own space. If a friend gave me the info upfront "I will be going to GFs house but you're more than welcome to stay at mine if it's easier than getting home," then I can make the decision of whether to stay or go the extra few miles home.

Wow how bloody rude are you. Just abandoning a guest to go to your gf’s.

Surely this isn’t real as nobody would act like this and think it’s perfectly normal

So rude! This HAS to be a reverse.

Of course it is rude.

When we got back however, my gf was messaging me and asking me to go round to hers to stay over so I told my friend I had to go out but to help himself to anything he needed (drink, the bathroom, whatever)

You didn't have to go out at all. You should have replied to your gf that you couldn't come over as you had a friend over. That's what a normal person would have done.

I don’t think it’s rude in the first example because you are offering them your house for their convenience. However, with your second example it is about your convenience not theirs. So, it could be considered a bit rude. Perhaps she would prefer to go home rather than stay in your empty house.

Of course it's rude. Normal people don't behave like that.

You have a girlfriend problem! She doesn't trust you to be around your friends when you're away from her, does she?

Of course it's rude. When you leave to spend the night elsewhere, you are effectively saying you don't like your visitor enough to spare them a few hours of your time, and you'd rather be elsewhere..

Fucking hell, were you raised by wolves?

Can’t your girlfriend manage one night without you? One lesson to learn early in life, don’t abandon your friends when you find love, they will be there throughout your life (a good friend) not just for a few months / couple of years. Let your girlfriend manage alone when you’re seeing your friends

Definitely this.

Reverse!

Of course it is rude! Your friends must think you are very odd.

🤣

You abandoned your friend!