To ask what time your 12 year old goes to bed

[Ipackedmysandwichesforlunch]

Dh and I are divided on this so I'd welcome some other opinions.

D's is 12. He goes up to bed at 8.15 and we read with him til 8.30. Lights off at 9.15. It all feels very early to me compares to his peers.

Ds is autistic and has anxiety and while he doesn't need constant oversight he is very demanding of our time and attention. Because of this Dh is very anti changing this as we have very limited uninterrupted time together apart from our evening 8.30-10. I agree that really we need this time together as things can be quite challenging. But it feels unfair on our son that we are treating him as younger than he really is - he already lacks quite a lot of independence compared to his peers.

I'd love any thoughts/advice. (Please be kind as I'm trying to balance everyone's needs).

My ds is just 13. 930 has been a normal bedtime in the week for at least a year. At the weekend he stays up til 1030.

Drives me bats!

8.30 generally. I'm not expecting them to be asleep at that time... its more thats the adult TV time!

DS is 12, Yr8, bed about 9:45 on a school night and about 10/10:15 at the weekend, he doesn't really mind going to be so quite happy with that. Occasionally asks to stay up a bit later at the weekend until about 10:30.

My youngest is 13 so a bit older, but school nights he goes to bed at 10pm. Weekends later, usually before 12am.

Does he wake up at a good time (meaning not too early/late)? Has he asked to change it?

I think if it ain't broke don't fix it and if it's working well for you and your family I'd keep it as it is.

At a push I might ask him if he would like to try staying up an hour later on the weekend.

DS was 9pm at that age.

9pm for our 12 year old

12 year old aim to be in bed/winding down about 9, asleep for 10 in the week, more like 10.30 at weekends.

Ha, I wish. My 12 year old on a school night upstairs by 9.30. 10 year old 9ish. 4 year old I try but prob 8 to half 8. But in reality the 10 and 12 year old is more like 10 if a club night or weekend!! And no the 12 year old never sleeps, at least not until I'm asleep I don't think. But then he's always hated sleeping. Thankfully the older two do lie in occasionally now.

13 now and lights out is 10pm on a school night. Last year (Year 8) it was 9pm except two nights when she had a club finishing later, or if she had a load of homework. She still enjoys being read to sometimes, but if she wants that then it has to be before lights out time. She usually doesn't bother now because there's other stuff to do.

10pm on a school night and 11pm at the weekend.

He spends most of his time in his room though, he's not demanding of our time at all which makes a difference.

9pm for my 12 year old. He's generally up at 6am.

Ds is 11 but nearly 12 and sounds similar to yours, into bed sometime around 8.30, reads on his own or with us and then lights out around 9/9.15
Weekends might be later but he's the kind who wakes up early no matter when he goes to sleep so I try to get him to bed in good time so he gets a decent sleep.
I think he does go to sleep slightly later than peers but he doesn't complain and knows he needs the sleep

My 11 (nearly 12) year old, newly year 7, goes to bed at 8pm, lights out by 8:30pm.

We've discussed that as she gets older and needs less sleep, she'll be able to stay up later in her room, but that she'll need to be chilling in her room from 8pm.

I struggle to get my autistic DS8 to bed at this time, but keep trying and would move it to earlier (for my DS8) if I could as he really needs a good night's rest to deal with all the sensory input and detail his brain takes in every day- so I'd say as long as your DS is getting a chance to chill out and chat/offload about his day in the evening, not to rock the boat with bedtime and maybe look at whether there are other way to increase his sense of independence.

14 year old goes to bed by 9 on a school night. He reads for a while but is light is off (voluntarily) by the time I go to bed - 10ish. children need the amount of sleep they need. My 16 old also goes to bed at the same time. He has ASD and needs a lot more sleep in term time.

My 12 year old never needed much sleep. School days he goes to bed the same time we do 22:30 .. weekends around midnight.

8:45am to 7am

9.30 here. 10 asleep during the week.

10pm but is usually asleep within 15 minutes

It's not clear how his autism affects him but it's unusual to be reading a bedtime story to a 12 year old. I'd say that's holding him back more than the early nights. Has he complained or asked to stay up later? I'd be investing time in getting him to go bed on his own without you.
I understand the need for child free time. I was a noisy chatty kid. I think I'd 'go to bed' around 9 during the week but I didn't have to go to sleep, just not be loud and stay in my bedroom. There was no specific lights out time and I certainly didn't have a bedtime story. Does he have sleepovers? How does that work out?

8.15 phone away, but I read with her (well, we both just read our own books) till about 9pm. She is starting to push back, but for no other reason than 'everyone else stays up later.' I think she actually, weirdly, wants me to say no,because she likes her sleep.

Y8 - so nearly 13 - shower 9.30, bed 10,asleep by 10.30,up at 7.15,out for school bus 7.40.He still likes to come in my bed to fall asleep - transfers when his Dad comes up. Hoping he will grow out of this soon 😳

10 in the week and about 12 at weekends, he doesn't usually fall asleep until later though

How would reading to a 12 year old 'hold him back'? I would think it's lovely, and hang on to it, as long as you can. With mine, it wasn't about the reading by that age, it was about the closeness, comfort, familiarity. A safe space chance to talk if she so wanted.