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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU for giving my neighbour a penis shaped bottle opener?

115 replies

Minimili · 14/09/2023 22:33

This is a bit of a weird situation and I’m aware of how ridiculous it sounds.

I had a new kitchen fitted last December and one of the kitchen fitters brought J2O’s and a 10 inch novelty wooden bottle opener shaped like a penis every day. He never asked if I had a bottle opener and there is even one on the tin opener, he just said he had it in his van.
It was a bit weird but he didn’t act creepy with it and just acted like it was a regular bottle opener. I couldn’t stand the noise and the mess and avoided the kitchen till it was finished so didn’t really bother about it.

When the kitchen was finished he left it behind and my neighbour came round “Jess” who is in her late 40’s and was absolutely thrilled with this bottle opener. She thought it was hysterical and for weeks later she asked about it every time I saw her and if I still had it. The kitchen fitter didn’t return for it so after a few weeks I gave it to Jess because I was sick of her mentioning it and hinting that she wanted it.

Jess acted like it was all her birthdays and christmases rolled into one, I try not to speculate why she was so obsessed with it but she still thanked me every time she saw me and it’s been months since she became it’s proud owner!

The problem is that yesterday the kitchen fitter came round in a panic and asked
“have you still got my cock-opener?!”
I obviously knew what he was referring too straight away and I told him I’d given it to my neighbour when he didn’t return and I didn’t have contact details for him. The agency I rent from organised the kitchen to be fitted and I explained that I thought if it was important he’d have come back for it.
Unfortunately the kitchen fitter told me that it was his wife’s and she got it as a novelty hen party present from her best friend who passed away shortly after they got married. His wife didn’t realise he’d ever taken it out of the house and he didn’t see it as a sentimental item but his wife does. She said there were good memories attached to it from her hen night and was distraught and wanted it back.

I managed to get Jess to return it but she was absolutely fuming and argued about it for a long time, I agreed to buy her a new one for “the inconvenience” I’m hoping to find one online!
The kitchen fitter has it back and he was hugely grateful and relieved but Jess was very very annoyed, angry and upset.

AIBU for thinking that Jess has made a huge fuss about nothing really? She pretty much hounded me into giving it to her and she knew it wasn’t mine to start with. I accept I shouldn’t have given it away and I’ve apologised to the kitchen fitter and apologised to Jess for taking it off her again.
I think I’ve been more then generous offering to find and buy a replacement.

I just wondered what others think about this cock up?! (Sorry couldn’t resist) and if I’ve caused Jess emotional trauma by seizing her emotional support penis. Or if people agree that she’s overreacting about over what is essentially a bottle opener?!

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 15/09/2023 17:26

How weird! Your neighbour I mean,not you!

Minimili · 15/09/2023 17:51

She’s a Hayley Cropper type in the way she appears kind of timid and innocent.
I suspect she’s led a very sheltered life and I never really see her go out much - but I also don’t pay much attention.
We’ve been neighbours for 13 years and she’s got no kids or partner but does a lot of baking to drop round to all the neighbours which I suspect is a bid for company, and dresses very old fashioned. I’ve never really heard her swear, she uses phrases like “oh my giddy aunt” and oh “fudge it!”

I found read “Barney mugging” was slang for sex in the twenties and it amused me so I told her, after that she adopted it and would say things like “all the teenagers are on tinder looking for Barney mugging these days” or “What do you think of Sarah Platt on coronation street? She’s done a lot of “Barney mugging in her time hasn’t she?!”

Thats why I’m convinced that this bottle opener was her attempt at being a bit wild, she probably knows she’s a bit awkward and old fashioned and wanted a bit of silly girly bonding. She’s possibly not been given a gift for a long time and was maybe hurt when I asked for it back because she saw it as me taking away a present? Maybe that’s why she overreacted and got angry.
Who knows? This is all speculation on my part, for all I know she could have dozens of friends she goes round to see and has wild nights out and secret lovers!

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/09/2023 18:01

In that case fuck it. Buy her a penis shaped wooden spoon for her baking i say! She'll probably appreciate the sentiment 🙂

LlynTegid · 15/09/2023 18:28

You acted in good faith, made a mistake and corrected it. A bit unfortunate but totally reasonable.

Minimili · 15/09/2023 18:40

Well…
I looked online last night and ordered a new bottle opener for my neighbour.
This one is painted and looks a bit less… aggressive? Not sure if that’s the right word but it seems a bit more appropriate to give as a novelty gift. It’s definitely smaller so I hope that’s not an issue.

I don’t want word getting round this is the second bottle opener shaped like a cock that I’ve given her! It’ll make me sound like a distributor 😂

I know I wasn’t obliged to get a replacement but I feel like she saw it as me taking away something i’d given as a present and was hurt and maybe I’m a bit soft but I don’t like the thought of upsetting anyone.
I don’t think she receives many presents as she doesn’t have a partner or kids and I never hear her mention friends or see any visit so I suspect she’s a bit lonely.
She should have been more understanding about why I was asking for it back and her reaction was unsympathetic but she might lack the ability to put herself in the kitchen fitters wife’s shoes and recognise that something can have sentimental value and can bring happy memories. I know in this case it’s an unusual item to attach sentiment too but as it was given at a hen party it makes more sense!
We don’t know the nature of the hen party, the kitchen fitters wife might have gone abroad (I see most of these bottle openers seem to be holiday souvenirs) and it might have been the last holiday she had with her friend.

I appreciate everyone’s responses- even the people who didn’t believe me. If everyone had acted like this was a perfectly normal everyday situation then I’d have felt a bit silly for finding it so ridiculous and bizarre!
Some of you have really made me giggle as well so thank you for the laughs.

Hopefully the replacement will put this all to bed (not literally I hope!) and I’m glad the kitchen fitters wife got it back. I had no idea these bottle openers were so common, I thought it’d be impossible to get a replacement but my eyes have been well and truly opened when I googled to find one - I never expected to find a painted one.
Maybe next time I go abroad I should actually bring back a few and distribute them? They seem to bring a lot of joy 😂.

post edited by MNHQ to remove potentially identifying details.

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 15/09/2023 18:44

I think you stop trying to paint this woman as an object of pity, it's not coming across well. Can you imagine if she read this?

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 18:46

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AnotherStrongCoffee · 15/09/2023 18:54

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Evaka · 15/09/2023 19:03

Don't think it's an 'emotional' support cock.

LivMumsnet · 15/09/2023 19:37

Evening all. We've had to delete a lot of troll hunting posts on the thread. We can never vouch 100 per cent for anyone on the site, unfortunately, so we can't know for certain that there's a penis shaped bottle opener neighbour dispute happening right now.

But, with no evidence to suggest otherwise, we're happy to leave the thread standing. If you don't like the thread, please feel free to hide it and move on. Don't troll hunt as it's very much against our Talk Guidelines.

Mumsnet's Talk Guidelines | Mumsnet

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ImpeckableChicken · 15/09/2023 23:33

Emotional support penis 😂😂

👀

Blondebrunette1 · 17/09/2023 10:10

Who on earth wrote that you are being unreasonable?! Your neighbour needs to grow up, she could buy a novelty bottle opener if she loves it that much. It's also not your fault that you gave it away after a few months, he left it. My first instinct was that that was an excuse for him to come back but if it really was on sentimental grounds then it'd be his fault it was lost. From both angles, it's not your fault. The right thing to do was the neighbour return it. No way should you buy her a new one with that attitude, I'd consider it had she been gracious about it especially given she knew the circumstances of how she acquired it x

LoonyLois · 18/09/2023 20:50

Has the replacement arrived yet?!

HappiestSleeping · 19/09/2023 11:22

TregunaMekoides · 14/09/2023 22:45

Can see the front page now
"Neighbour stole my cock!"

Wouldn't it be more like "I had to give my neighbour my cock as she didn't have one"?

FedUpWithEverything123 · 19/09/2023 11:25

I would just avoid Jess forever. Utter nutcase. Presumably she is an adult, has her own money and knows how to buy things? Bye bye Jess you cock-obsessed weirdo

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