Are some people just naturally charismatic?

[thunderboltcity66]

I have a friend who I love to bits. She's great fun to be around, generous, a great host and very funny. She's had a bit of a chaotic life - in and out of jobs, bad relationships, doesn't stick at much for long but it seems that whatever situation she finds herself in she lands on her feet and people love her. I suspect because she is a naturally loveable, very well turned out and charismatic person.

Our boys grew up together and I see the same pattern with them. They are both in their teens now and her ds gets picked for everything at school (house captain and so on) and has lots of girls after him. My ds is popular and doing well academically but doesn't seem to stand out from the crowd in the same way.

There is no bitterness or jealously here by the way. I love her and her son like family. It just made me think do some people have the X factor if you like? Is it hereditary if so!!!

Warmth, presence and likeability = charisma.

Loud, life-of-the-party types can sometimes be charismatic but its not the loudness/LotP qualities which make them charismatic. Equally, charismatic people might say things you disagree with but somehow they can say it in a way which means you don’t find them objectionable.

They can also read people well - they adapt to the person they are interacting with and match their energy/vibe. And they listen! The number of people who actually listen properly when having a conversation is pretty low; we are generally bad for doing the whole ‘waiting for my turn to speak’ rather than engaging with the other person/people.

Very interesting that you say how she touched you on a profound level. I watched the biography by Michael J Fox recently, his film called "Still" and at the end he was looking directly at the camera, with a very piercing, thoughtful stare. I actually thought to myself how much that few seconds of his expression looked into my soul, and I felt that he could feel and recognise the tribulations of living with a dreadful movement disorder (I have a similar neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined, but caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic drugs).

I've never met him in real life, but I should imagine that he would have a lot of charisma and leave a great impression.

When my dh tells a story the room goes quiet, everyone listens. When I start I can see people twitching.. he's just got it and I'm 100% it's hereditary.

Some people just have it. I’m a teacher and I see it in my classes. Some children have everyone hanging off their every word and wanting to spend time with them. It is weird as it has nothing to do with how nice they are and sometimes they are aren’t even liked very much. I guess it is why people like Stalin rise to the top. Not that any of the children I have taught have been like Stalin!

Yes, it was a strange feeling and hard to explain. Just a little old lady sitting in a big car on a rainy November afternoon but…

I am sorry about your neurological disorder. That must be tough.

I think that more often than not the people who are characterised as charismatic are men. I've met quite a few public figures over the years and you could tell they were present in the room even if you couldn't see them - there was a frisson/electricity in the room. Blair had it but Brown didn't. Heseltine had it and v famously Clinton had it. Lots of others though important didnt - in my opinion, the Queen, Theresa May etc. I definitely don't think it's about glamour or looks.

But at a lesser level there are people I've met that just have that something. It's not based on looks or style its magnetism.

I've been told I have it to a lesser degree - I've been told that I changed the temperature in the room and work colleagues said they could tell if someone had met me - if someone said they'd met a colleague of theirs they knew it wasn't me - because if they met me they'd say I met Boule.

I'm been a CEO for 20 plus years so that probably has something to do with it - confidence, energy, humour. But as a dumpy nearly 60 something I'd say I'm not that lantern charismatic person.

I definitely find that from time to time I meet someone who I think is very charismatic - magnetic but not egotistical, comfortable in their own skin but not seeking attention. Charm but not swarm. Just something about them. But it's probably fairly rare.....

I think it’s a confidence, it’s so attractive when you’re completely at ease with himself. My sister’s husband has it - even people I’ve introduced him to once always ask after him. He’s Italian and very funny and expressive, he just has a way about making you feel good. He’s not flirty with it either.

It’s funny cause his son, my nephew, is ten and he met all my mates at my last birthday party which was a big one. He totally worked the whole room, loads of them fell in love with him and are always asking how he’s getting on. I have quite a few nieces and nephews but just like his dad this particular nephew is once met never forgotten.

I know what you mean. Some people you are just drawn to. I've known someone who was like this and did a sort of sales role with the public. She was so genuine and enthusiastic. I've known others with strong personalities and their mood influences everyone else. I think most people fall in the middle. I feel I get on with people one to one but for some reason I am really forgettable. I don't know what it is but I've had people I've worked with who just genuinely don't recognise me. I never seem to be remembered by people. It happened a lot at school too. I was just the pretty persons friend.
Not great for the confidence!
I'd love to be like that but I really struggle with confidence and know that I really overthink my interactions with people

Some people you are just drawn to. I still don't get it. I've never felt like this in my life. Maybe I just don't meet those kind of people in my life.

Like @Mble I was a teacher. I once taught twin 10 year old sisters. To me and other members of staff they looked the same, behaved the same, were academically similar etc but for some reason the girls all wanted to be friends with A and the boys all fancied her, and B was left in her wake.

Yeah my sister is a bit charismatic. My family is full of difficult relationships but she's the only one who gets along with everyone. She also gets away with murder. It's really difficult to be mad at her.

She eloped recently, and met no backlash. I can tell you that my parents would not have so easily accepted if I or my other sister eloped!

Interesting thread. I was interested in this comment from the OP:

I like to think I'm quite sociable and can talk to people well. But I don't stand out. I'm rubbish at dressing myself or presenting my home well.

Personally I don’t think the way someone’s home is presented has anything to do with charisma.

You don’t necessarily need to be an extrovert either - charismatic people can be quiet. For me it’s someone who has that intriguing “je ne sais quoi” quality about them.

I don’t agree with much of her politics but I’d say Margaret Thatcher was charismatic.

@cheeseontoast36

Personally I don’t think the way someone’s home is presented has anything to do with charisma.

No God no. Complete misreading of what charisma means. Looks and visual impression have very little to do with it.

In fact I think a lot of the uniform of business life and the props that go with it (clothes, bags, office furniture etc) are used to compensate for an absence of charisma.

With genuinely charismatic people their appearance and dress is completely irrelevant. A really charismatic person could walk into a Board room wearing shorts and flip flops. I have seen this done as a stealth power signal by business people. “I’m so powerful and clever I don’t have to try” etc.

Actually psychopaths rank high on charisma, although obviously that's not to say all charismatic people are!
I think the person who said it is an ability to match what the person wants and captivate them (possibly intentionally???) is correct.
Or maybe there's two types: inate and learned?
I'm quite warm and witty, naturally, but probably not charismatic.
I think that's just personality traits, as I can really irritate people.
I thought Matt Hancock was charismatic on I'm a Celebrity and he won people over as 'likeable', but I don't think he's fundamentally a good person and I think everything he does is intentional. He treated his wife terribly and his behaviour during covid was horrific.

I agree. By all accounts she pretty much had the entire Cabinet eating out of her hands for much of her premiership. And like you I wasn’t a fan of her politics but it’s hard not to be slightly in awe of her.

OP - you talk about yourself in negative terms.

Genuine question - do the charismatic people you’ve observed do that? Is positivity part of it too?

Joan Collins gave a “delightfully charismatic” interview to the Mail on Sunday apparently - whatever that means!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-12525951/Meghan-isnt-really-consciousness-says-Dame-Joan-Collins-Kate-never-puts-foot-wrong-Dame-reveals-really-thinks-royals-prepares-play-Wallis-Simpson-biopic.html

I used to think Barack Obama was a good example of someone with innate charisma. Then I read that when he was younger, he was quite shy and nervous and not that good at public speaking. I don’t know if that’s true, but perhaps charisma is more of a skill than a personality trait.

Yes, I was just going to say that narcissists are usually extremely characteristic!

I’m not sure if it’s heredity as DB is very charismatic and I’m not at all! He always seems to land on his feet job-wise, so has left great jobs in the past to go travelling, come back, and another great job has appeared. He does work hard, and I’m not jealous at all, I’m very proud of him. I’m also really pleased to have him in my corner because he is the best at giving pep talks and believing in me when I don’t believe in myself. But his charisma and confidence seem to be innate, and so is my lack of it!
As a result, he has had a much more fun and interesting life compared to me!

DM is certainly braver than DDad, but DB is by far the bravest of us all!