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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask this lady to move?

220 replies

Fahhgedaboutit · 14/09/2023 07:00

I needed petrol yesterday so after work, just before picking up DS from nursery, I stopped at the Morrisons petrol station near his nursery and had about 20 minutes before I was due to pick him up. I didn’t pay at pump as I rarely carry a bank card around, I use Apple Pay for most things. I went to pay and there was a lady in front of me talking to the cashier about the Morrisons more card- she was looking through her purse but couldn’t find it. Anyway, she asked the cashier how to download it off her phone but clearly wasn’t very technically able; first she was trying to figure out if she had a smart phone, then she didn’t know her password for the google play store etc. anyway about 10 minutes had passed of waiting and there was a queue of about 6 people behind me at this point and I was starting to panic i’d be late for DS so I asked (politely!), if she could step to the side to sort her app out and the people behind could pay until she was ready.

She called me rude, ranted about young peoples manners (I’m 34!). I said I didn’t think I was being rude, but I had to pick up DS from nursery in less than 10 minutes and then my elder DS from school and I was going to be late. She got angry at me for replying and just paid and left without finishing her more card downloading, huffing away the whole time about manners.

WIBU? I felt a bit shitty but I also wouldn’t have stood there trying to sort my phone out whilst there was a queue of people waiting to pay at a clearly busy time!

OP posts:
Redlarge · 14/09/2023 08:59

She was holding everyone up and appears completely devoid of social awareness.

GU24Mum · 14/09/2023 09:07

I think that was fine and especially as you were laying for fuel.

Had you been at a supermarket checkout you'd have had the option to dump your shopping and leave but as the fuel was then in your car (and couldn't exactly be removed!), you were stuck.

Original poster
Fahhgedaboutit · 14/09/2023 09:08

SisterMichaelsHabit · 14/09/2023 08:44

YANBU. I was in a situation like this a couple of years ago in a supermarket, waited a similar time before saying anything, and the woman in front also responded by throwing her toys out of the pram instead of catching herself on. In my case the cashier implied I was the one BU. This thread makes me feel vindicated. 😂

Haha it’s funny how much these things niggle at you!

glad I helped with the vindication though and thank you (most of you) for not telling me I was wrong, it’s put my conscience at ease

OP posts:
MotherOfDragon20 · 14/09/2023 09:20

Hmm I don’t know about this, yes very annoying and I’d probably be sething inside as well but on the other side so many elderly people (no indication of lady’s age in the OP but presumably older due to the young manners comment? ) are being left behind due to technology and that can be so very isolating for some. That lady just might not have been able to step aside and set the app on her phone and may not have anyone who could help her so yes it was the cashiers job to assist if she works for Morrisons and yes we as a society should be more patient with older people struggling with technology.

Original poster
Fahhgedaboutit · 14/09/2023 10:14

MotherOfDragon20 · 14/09/2023 09:20

Hmm I don’t know about this, yes very annoying and I’d probably be sething inside as well but on the other side so many elderly people (no indication of lady’s age in the OP but presumably older due to the young manners comment? ) are being left behind due to technology and that can be so very isolating for some. That lady just might not have been able to step aside and set the app on her phone and may not have anyone who could help her so yes it was the cashiers job to assist if she works for Morrisons and yes we as a society should be more patient with older people struggling with technology.

I agree with this to an extent, but surely the logical thing to do would be to step aside until the queue subsides and then when it’s quieter, ask for help. Or, as other posters have mentioned, the petrol station is next to a large Morrisons so maybe their customer services team is a more appropriate place to go? I don’t think waiting around 30 minutes, which it could’ve easily been at that rate, is the right thing.

OP posts:
CherryMaDeara · 14/09/2023 10:30

1willgetthere · 14/09/2023 07:42

I think asking her to move was OK but the delivery got her back up.

What you said made her feel small and an inconvenience that the other 6 people were more important than her so she was defensive.

If you had said something like

"Im sorry, Would you mind terribly if I went in front of you to pay, I'm worried I will be late to collect my son" is not putting the 'blame' on her and making her feel helpful to say yes.

'would you mind terribly?' who talks like that?

You don't have to apologise for your existence merely because you're a woman.

funinthesun19 · 14/09/2023 10:59

She was really rude faffing about for 10 minutes over her more card. She should have just cut her losses on this occasion and missed out on her precious points.

Gjendefloooo · 14/09/2023 11:11

You were not rude.
She should have stepped aside herself and let others be served and waited until the cashier had more time.
I also think the cashier should have asked her politely to stand aside until she cleared the queue.
Petrol stations can end up in chaos in a matter of minutes if people are blocking petrol pumps with cars while they are waiting to pay inside. You then get a queue on the forecourt too - it's not just about the 6 people in the queue.
Cashier should have intervened - 10 minutes is far too long for one person to be asking questions and faffing with a phone. If it was the customer services desk in the main shop, then fair enough.

funinthesun19 · 14/09/2023 11:18

MotherOfDragon20 · 14/09/2023 09:20

Hmm I don’t know about this, yes very annoying and I’d probably be sething inside as well but on the other side so many elderly people (no indication of lady’s age in the OP but presumably older due to the young manners comment? ) are being left behind due to technology and that can be so very isolating for some. That lady just might not have been able to step aside and set the app on her phone and may not have anyone who could help her so yes it was the cashiers job to assist if she works for Morrisons and yes we as a society should be more patient with older people struggling with technology.

Well if she remembered to bring her more card with her she could have just used it. You don’t need to use the app to use the card in store. I don’t think she’s being left behind in this case when there is an easy option for her, and that is to just bring her card with her. Why should OP be late to pick her children up because she forgot her more card?

If she can’t get the app to work, then as OP said she should have just gone to customer services and got their help with it. Holding up a queue for 10 minutes to get her app working isn’t fair.

MotherOfDragon20 · 14/09/2023 11:32

Yeah your probably right, like I said I’d definitely be raging as well but I do think generally we need to be more patient with older people as they navigate this era.

MotherOfDragon20 · 14/09/2023 11:33

And tbh I think it was the cashiers job to manage this situation better not the OP but can see why she did ask her to step aside.

WandaWonder · 14/09/2023 11:39

She was being served it is not her fault you were in a hurry

YourNameGoesHere · 14/09/2023 11:58

WandaWonder · 14/09/2023 11:39

She was being served it is not her fault you were in a hurry

It doesn't matter that the OP was in a hurry or not. You can't just hold up a queue indefinitely and make everyone wait whilst you spend however long trying to sort something out.

The rest of those in the queue had no other options this women did she could stand to one side and wait until the cashier was able to help, she could have gone into the store to ask for advice, she could even have asked someone in the queue or simply paid and sorted the app out at another time. Her time is not more important than everyone else's.

celticprincess · 14/09/2023 12:51

The lady should have moved. I did something similar and moved. I was going for a day out at an attraction. The pay on the day line was huge and the guy said if we had online tickets we could join the queue. He even said if I could get signal and buy now to koine the online queue. So I did. But the Wi-Fi wouldn’t connect and was being slow. I was panicking. As I got near to the front I could see I wasn’t going to have completed my online order before it was my turn so I turned away and stood to the side, did my order then rejoined the back of the queue. I would never have dreamed of holding the queue up whilst it all downloaded.

Passthesickbagmabel · 14/09/2023 12:55

There are a few things I hoped never to do as I got " old" . One was push/a tartan shopping trolley another was get in the way . I understand that some people have trouble with technology but 10 minutes? I cannot see very well now but do try to be prepared at the checkout. If something goes wrong I would certainly stand aside . It's good manners . You were not rude and i can well remember the anxiety about picking up young children on time . True that lots of places do not have enough staff to help any customer who need a bit of support though.

PuttingDownRoots · 14/09/2023 12:57

As this was a petrol station, presumably everyone in the queue was also blocking a pump from use, so she wasn't just holding up those inside but all those waiting for pumps outside.

Bluebellsbells · 14/09/2023 13:03

It was the role of the cashier to ask the customer to step aside so others could be served. The cashier didn't do this so aided the customer causing the problem.

You were not rude, this was not the time to install a new app. The customer's actions suggests that she herself had no social awareness of the time she was taking and the inconvenience this had on others around her.

MariaVT65 · 14/09/2023 13:07

As someone who worked in customer service and tills for years, this was not rude.

The issue here is that the cashier should have been more insistent with the lady, explaining that 6 people were waiting.

oioicheeky · 14/09/2023 13:11

I had similar at train station recently.

Approached the ticket machine and woman in front of me was on her hands and knees in front of machine, rummaging in handbag for her purse.

The train started to approach. I waited another minute then said "do you mind if I..." she shuffled to the side a bit, I leaned over, tapped my card and took my ticket.

No way was I going to stand there saying nothing and get on the train without a ticket (which would require a lengthy walk/queue at the other end to purchase ticket before leaving station).

It's common sense.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/09/2023 13:13

It's not as if you could have given up and walked away is it? Our local garage has one cashier only. Not only was she holding up the queue inside but the pumps were being blocked. The Cashier should have been firmer and thought of the 6 instead of the 1.

amylou8 · 14/09/2023 13:15

This one's on the cashier, after a short amount of time she should have said she needed to serve and asked the lady to step aside.
You were more patient that I would have been in those circumstances.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2023 13:16

SloppyJays · 14/09/2023 07:04

She was being served so yes it was rude. It’s not her fault you are short on time.
Its a pain when people dither and take a long time but, if she was being served and helped by the cashier, then you need to wait your turn.

For a few minutes I agree, but sounds like this was a good 10 minutes stopping anyone else being served. She should have let people go ahead of her one at a time until she was ready.

DahliaMacNamara · 14/09/2023 13:21

Jeepers, a ten minute delay at my local Morrisons could block the top half of the car park altogether with vehicles unable to get onto the forecourt. I feel for the woman, but you can't hold people up like that in a petrol station.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 14/09/2023 13:22

Spanne · 14/09/2023 07:05

Not rude. Cashier should have stepped up.
I think some people get embarrassed about being pulled up so go on the defensive rather than employing common sense.

This. The cashier should have asked her to step aside and helped her when there wasn’t a queue.
10 minutes is definitely unreasonable to stand waiting for someone ahead to sort out something. Maybe 2-3 minutes, but after that, and especially re a reward card IT issue, it’s not something that should be dealt with in the queue

I’d have probably addressed the issue to the cashier. Said something like “is it possible to open another till while this lady’s issue is being dealt with, I’m becoming late to pick up my kids, and have already been waiting 10 minutes ?”

That should have prompted check out person to solve the issue

sometimes it’s not possible to stop the issue and get someone to wait- the transaction may have already been rung into till for instance. The checkout person perhaps wasn’t very confident about being assertive. But that’s not yours or the lady’s issue . It’s the petrol stations issue and they needed to resolve it

dooneyousmugelf · 14/09/2023 13:27

She was being daft and not very aware of her surroundings, but I'd have asked the cashier if you could just pay quickly as you were running late.
The woman could've stepped aside only for the cashier to have told you she was still dealing with this woman's transaction and would have to void the whole lot and start again. The onus was definitely on the cashier to have sorted it out.

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