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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To search for a small dog that can be left alone during the day?

434 replies

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/09/2023 21:49

I will accept it if I get flamed by dog lovers for this.
But is there such a thing as a small dog that can be left alone for 5 or 6 hours 3 days a week?
Or is it just completely unacceptable to plan to do this?
My DD aged 9 has a significant educational learning delay. This is affecting her self esteem and self confidence. She is otherwise highly intelligent.
So I need to chanel in to things she loves, so that she can feel good about things she loves and is good at, to compensate for spending all day at school feeling rubbish about herself for not being able to learn.
And boy oh boy does she LOVE dogs. She literally adores them. She cannot pass one without making friends with it. Dogs seem attracted to her. And she's amaaaaazing with them. All breeds, all ages, doesn't matter, she adores them and they do seem to adore her.
She has begged for a dog for 6 years so far. I've always said no.
But I actually think it would be incredible for her to have one.
I have no doubt she would be 100% committed to it, and it would be a lucky dog as she would love it and care for it so much.
BUT it would be alone in the house 3 days a week for about 6 hours a day.
No way round this.
Kids at school.
DH and I go to work, and we dont have jobs that we can take dogs to.
Is this ever, ever, ever do-able???
Or is there never a way to have a dog if it's left on its own?
I realise it has to be fair on the dog, not just what we want.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Maxiedog123 · 13/09/2023 07:37

Are British dogs different than Australian ones?

Well that's possible to a degree, if seperation anxiety is regarded as normal and not an unwanted trait by UK dog breeders , then dogs with anxiety might be more likely to be used as breeding stock when they would be excluded elsewhere.

Dogs barking all day

Skodacool · 13/09/2023 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There’s no need to be so nasty.

Ourshoddyhouse · 13/09/2023 07:38

How about 2 rescue house rabbits?

Our dog can be left for around 5 hours but we only do it once or twice a month and she's 3 now, we wouldn't have been able to do it when she was a puppy.

Universitynewbie · 13/09/2023 07:40

I love how if we don't agree with a dog being left all day on its own we are hysterical. Maybe we just care about another life?
Would you leave your child locked in a room all day every day with no access to a toilet and nothing to do, mo company, no devices, no choice but to lie down and sleep? If your answer is no, why is it OK to do that to a dog? What makes them lesser? I am sure a lot of children would sadly resign themselves to the situation and not look distressed but I am also sure there would be a lot of distress under the surface

KVick · 13/09/2023 07:40

A dog isn't a child's toy.

Skodacool · 13/09/2023 07:41

OP says she would get a rescue dog but many rehoming organisations won’t let a dog go to a home where there’s a child.

Bingbangbongbash · 13/09/2023 07:41

Broodywuz · 12/09/2023 22:06

I'll probably get shot down for this but relatively recently, before the lockdown dog craze, it was pretty normal for a lot of people to have dogs and go to work most days. Agree as a puppy and probably for the first year, 5/6 hours is too long for them not to get out to the toilet but after that, as long as they're getting good walks and exercise and plenty of attention the rest of the time I think leaving it this length of time would be no issue. I would be prepared though that it's likely to be high as a kite when you get in and you'll need to take it straight out for a long walk

Yeah, I agree. The right type and temperament of dog is ok being left for several hours once it’s settled and old enough.

Sighthounds like whippets and greyhounds are ideal - they sleep so much. They can be very nervous, so it’s important to get a well-adjusted, socialised rescue or do the work yourself if you go for a puppy. But I wouldn’t leave one alone for that long until they are at least 2 and personally I’ve always used a walker to break up the day whenever possible.

MariePaperRoses · 13/09/2023 07:42

Having read the change of story/updated I still think it's wrong to get a dog and treat it like that.

I'd try this

www.borrowmydoggy.com

AgnesX · 13/09/2023 07:51

Breakawaytour · 12/09/2023 21:52

You get a dog walker or you send the dog into doggie day care. You can't be leaving a dog and (assuming it will be young to start off with), for that long that often.

This
Dogs are social animals and don't do well stuck indoors alone.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 13/09/2023 07:51

Would you leave your child locked in a room all day every day with no access to a toilet and nothing to do, mo company, no devices, no choice but to lie down and sleep?

My question would be - why are you leaving a dog alone with nothing to do?

My dog is left with the TV on, the cats for company, water, his favourite blankets and a long-lasting chew like a Kong or an Ostrich bone. He can very easily hold his bladder for 12+ hours so as long as he's toileted before I go out, that's not a consideration for me.

He's not left for long, maybe an hour a couple of times a week, but I would never leave him with nothing to occupy his time.

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 13/09/2023 07:57

OP, I’ve got 4 adult dogs so while that doesn’t make me an authority, it does make me experienced.

And in my experience, dogs are adaptable, thrive on routine and above all need to know what to expect. If you settle into a routine where your dog will be left for 6 hours twice a week then there should be zero issues, with or without a dog walker. I say “should” as it will completely depend on the personality of the dog you get as to whether this routine will suit them.

Ideally, yes, a dog walker to break up the day would be great but even without, if your dog settles into this routine then they will be fine.

I think it’s great that you’ve asked the question and not just brought a dog into your home without considering this issue. I don’t think it’s great that you’ve had so much negativity for being responsible.

Willmafrockfit · 13/09/2023 08:00

it is absolutely not a modern post covid attitude.
i have never left a dog for longer than 4 hours.
except the one time, it is bad for their kidneys for a start, and very unfair

Willmafrockfit · 13/09/2023 08:02

hamsters are good, you can get a silent wheel, a siberian hamster, larger, easier to handle.
otherwise guineapigs, two

Skybluecoat · 13/09/2023 08:03

No, it would be very unkind to do this to a dog.

Can you afford doggy daycare for the days nobody will be home? If not, get her a cat.

betterthaneverr · 13/09/2023 08:06

Don't forget the dog will also need a butler

Mmmpomello · 13/09/2023 08:07

I have to disagree with most people above. A dog can absolutely be left for 6 hours, but it depends on the dog. We regularly leave our dog from 9-5 when we are both working, which is a couple of days a week. He is absolutely fine and expects it, he's told to 'look after the house' and he gets he's good boy biscuits. He shows no distress, he just goes to sleep or occasionally looks out the window. It helps that he has a bladder of stone. He's a collie and 3 years old. We couldn't and wouldn't do this when he was younger; it's something we've carefully built up to.

So it completely depends on the dog. You could work up to it but it would be hard to predict from the start.

00100001 · 13/09/2023 08:09

givemeasunnyday · 13/09/2023 07:14

Given that an Australian and an American have also said that leaving dogs alone during the day is acceptable, and indeed normal, in their countries, it really does seem that British dogs, rather like British people, are somehow "special" and can't cope with normal life.

Show quote history

It's also acceptable to hit children in some countries and smoke around them.

Doesn't mean it's ok...

Possimpible · 13/09/2023 08:10

@PleasedToBeAFlower and would you use a dog walker/doggy daycare as advised? Doggy door is not a suitable alternative IMO, dogs in the garden unsupervised can put them at risk. Dog theft was rife for a while, e.g.

I think you're very naive about rescue dogs. First of all as PP have said, it's very unlikely a reputable rescue would rehome to a family who are out for long periods of time, and also have an under 10 yo. Also 'personality known'?! That's just not possible to say, regardless of their personality in rescue or before adoption, they'll need settling in time and might not behave the same in their new home. We had a rescue growing up, sweet little thing, but he took about 6 months to come out from under the dining table when he first came home.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 13/09/2023 08:10

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 12/09/2023 22:07

It’s called a cat.

Yes - they are much more self-sufficient.

Or do the borrow my doggy thing or volunteer to take dogs for walks. Volunteers – The Cinnamon Trust

Much more sensible in my view - you get the benefits you think a dog will give your daughter without any of the work and cost :)

Volunteers – The Cinnamon Trust

https://cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/

GoodOldEmmaNess · 13/09/2023 08:11

My previous terrier, in older age, was sometimes alone for a large part of the day. It was infrequent, but it did sometimes happen when both adults and both near-adult children were all out at the same time.

I do think that some dogs are ok with this and that if the owner is continually assessing the situation sensibly and compassionately (as it seems that the OP would be) it can work.

A lot of terriers love their own space, they need an amount of downtime between social interations (esp with children) and rest most fully when they are confident of being left in peace. An older terrier whose needs are fully taken care of in between the alone times (and that doesn't have any separation anxiety) could be happy with two days per week of being alone for six hours.

It would be even better if a dog walker that the dog trusted came in halfway through (and a rescue organisation might insist on this). And of course it would be essential to try to assess how well the dog was responding to the periods of solitude and to look hard for signs of stress. But I think it could work.

The dog welfare public information offered by organisation has to err on the side of caution because so many people are cruel or stupid or careless in the waysin which they leave their dogs alone. Responsible dog owners fine tune their response to the advice, based on their knowledge of individual dogs.

Willmafrockfit · 13/09/2023 08:11

an older dog can still have separation anxiety and issues

Possimpible · 13/09/2023 08:11

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 13/09/2023 07:25

Hi OP - I'm a dog walker and I'd say the vast, vast majority of my clients leave their dogs for 5-6 hours a day with me popping in halfway to take them out for a walk.

Please don't be put off by the usual MN hysteria - while your set-up wouldn't suit a puppy, I don't see any reason why it wouldn't work for a chilled out adult dog as long as someone came halfway through the day to break things up.

It's not 'hysteria' - she's not considering someone coming in halfway through

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 13/09/2023 08:14

@Possimpible she actually hasn't said anything either way about a dog walker.

It's interesting how everyone has made assumptions one way though!

Ericaequites · 13/09/2023 08:16

Siamese cats can exhibit quite doglike behaviors, and will talk back to you. A hamster or Guinea pig is an upmarket rat, really.

erikbloodaxe · 13/09/2023 08:16

Meanwhile back in the real world.........

Yes you can leave a dog for that period as long as it's environment is suitable.

Access to outside space for toileting via dog flap.
Enrichment activities
Safe space to sleep.

Having two would be better for the dog. Yes you can have a dog for your daughter. Support dogs/guide dogs are there purely to meet a need.

I'm saying this as someone whose dogs were never left but that's because I had a kennels, 12 dogs of my own, I was a breeder (yes KC accredited) and dog groomer. Dogs were my business and my life.
Canine welfare has come on leaps and bounds and in recent years has started going too far. Dogs are no longer being respectfully treated as the intelligent, beautiful creatures they are. They are not human and anthropomorphism is damaging them in so many ways.
Humans benefit by all the dog related services (non of them are free are they), someone is making money from every service offered..

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