3/3.5 years too soon to marry?

[3years0fears]

DH (to be) and I got engaged on our 3 year anniversary, and plan to get married in the next few months, so we’d be around the 3.5 year mark.

We don’t need long to plan as we want a very small wedding anyway, which is why the engagement is under a year. We’ve lived together for a year, and are both 32. No babies yet.

A friend of mine texted me this evening to say he thinks I’m moving too fast with DH and doesn’t want to come to the wedding. I’m fine with him not attending as it’s his choice but AIBU to think 3 years together is long enough to get married?

No, met and married within 2 years

Met and married within two years here as well. Still going strong, over 30 years later.

In the nicest possible way, what does it matter if anyone else things 3-3.5 years is too soon. If you’re happy and secure then crack on and be happy. There are people who meet and marry in the week and are happy for donkeys years and those that wait 5,7,10 years to marry and are divorced in 6 months…

Are you sure there’s not an ulterior motive (not necessarily implying he fancies you or anything here) that means he wants you to be single? Could it make him feel more secure in his position if you’re not getting ahead of him by being married?

Met DH June 1977, engaged December 1977, married December 1978.😁

Married after 2.25 years, about to celebrate 10 years of marriage. SIL is pregnant and planning to get married after 3 months, now that is too soon imo.

I knew by our first proper date my husband was a keeper.

Three years is plenty.

I knew by our first proper date my husband was a keeper.

Three years is plenty.

To be fair, this post is more of a general interest to see if his sentiment is shared, which it clearly isn’t. Though even if everyone here had said yes it was too soon, I’d still be marrying my DH regardless.

The ulterior motive crossed my mind. He’s been around longer than my DH, having met him in my college days. We went out to another friends party around 6 (?) years ago, and he got massively drunk and far too flirty, but was very embarrassed the next morning. Never said anything about it afterwards. Still not sure if he meant it or was just taking a chance, but either way, it’s not mutual so I didn’t think about it too much

Is your friend perhaps secretly in love with you? Telling you you're moving too fast (when obviously you're not) and announcing he won't be attending the wedding sounds a leetle like someone who's sad at this news...

Your friend sounds nuts! Met DH June, officially got together Oct '09, engaged Sept '11 and married Dec '12.

I'd say this is fairly typical of a couple who meet mid/late twenties and know quite quickly that they've met 'the one'.

Because there's that much BS these days that people are dating for 2 years before they are even official and being asked to be someone's BF/GF is treated like a marriage proposal. The world has gone mad!

Perfectly reasonable time from meeting to being married. Especially when you are past 25 when you have experience of what you want in a relationship. Your friend sounds over invested. Not really his business or position to comment tbh. Maybe if it was 6 weeks it might justify comment but not 3 plus years. Saying not coming to the wedding because of this is petty, verging on manipulative.
Enjoy your wedding and marriage. No guarantees for any of us, but it's not more likely to be a long lasting happy marriage just because you leave it another 3 years to get married.
This is just between you as a couple, nobody else.

We had a much longer relationship prior to marriage, 5 years before engagement then just under 2 before the wedding, but we were much younger than you when we got together and I think that changes things. We had discussed marriage by your time scale but had other financial priorities, buying a house, both did second degrees etc.

I don't think 3.5 years is particularly quick in your thirties. Does she have reason to have other reservations? I have a friend who is very on off with her partner, lots of dramatic rows etc, they got engaged six months ago and have split up and got back together since. I'd she booked a wedding and asked, I'd probably tell get to take more time, but because of the relationship generally rather than the time frame in general.

Plenty of couples have been together only months or a year before marriage. Three and a half years is plenty.

3 YEARS?? Surely if you don’t know whether they’re the right one after a year then they’re probably not.

I agree, I think these drawn out relationships are odd. A friend of mine received a “promise ring” from her ex, who decided he didn’t want to be engaged but wanted to give her a pre-engagement ring. I had never heard of such a thing before this, and I’m still baffled

That’s a very normal amount of time before getting married for a late 20s/early 30s relationship.

My DH asked me to marry him after 3 weeks together when we were 21/22. We waited 6 months to tell everyone cause we knew they would freak out. When you know, you know.

I do think that your friend has an ulterior motive/isn’t being truthful.

Met august 90, engaged December 90, bought house April 91, married April 92

Still together

We knew within three weeks of meeting. We would have married immediately but unfortunate circumstances meant we had to wait 2 1/2 years. Still happily together after over 50 years.
There is no rule.

I’m married my husband exactly 1 year after we met. 10 years this year and we still love each other. There is no perfect time to get married. As long as you married a good man then its always perfect time.

Not sure of the exact history but a promise ring sounds like something a very young man might have given whilst finishing an apprenticeship or working and saving money to be in a position to set up a home.

I had a guy friend (now faded friendship) that really didn’t like it when (on the very rare occasion) things would start to get serious with someone and I was less available to him, he’d imply “red flag” behaviour until things fizzled.

3 years is really normal.

We were engaged after two years and married after 3.

PIL got engaged after 3 weeks, married after 6 months and will celebrate their 50th anniversary next year.

Well we married 10 months after we met and here we are 17 years later!

3 years is plenty and I wonder if your friend has some interior motive. Or is in love with you. Apart from anything else, it's nothing to do with him. If you're happy then that's what's important.

YANBU, that's plenty!
At the age at which I was old enough to know whether we very suited very quickly my rule was marriage within 2 years or feck off. I knew what I wanted and wasn't going to be strung along wasting my fertile years.
Your friend is an idiot

Engaged after 3 months, married after two years, been together 14 years. If it's right, it's right.