3/3.5 years too soon to marry?

[3years0fears]

DH (to be) and I got engaged on our 3 year anniversary, and plan to get married in the next few months, so we’d be around the 3.5 year mark.

We don’t need long to plan as we want a very small wedding anyway, which is why the engagement is under a year. We’ve lived together for a year, and are both 32. No babies yet.

A friend of mine texted me this evening to say he thinks I’m moving too fast with DH and doesn’t want to come to the wedding. I’m fine with him not attending as it’s his choice but AIBU to think 3 years together is long enough to get married?

Met DH just B4 Christmas. I was 29, he was 28. He was living with his gf; I was having a fling. Our eyes met, we danced, I gave myself a talking to because he was so gorgeous and, I thought, out of my league.

He broke up with his GF in the NY. We had our first date early/mid Feb. Our 2nd about 10 days later. After our 2nd we were never really apart again. Engagement announced within two years, Wedding 6 months later.

It all started 35 years ago so I think your friend is being silly, ungracious and not a little rude.

3 years is a very normal and appropriate time to marry. Sounds like your friend has a crush on you and he's being massively unreasonable to not come to your wedding. I'd reconsider the friendship tbh.

Not too soon at all. A lot of couples would be looking to how their relationship is going before this point anyway. And it also depends on how old you are... older couples might even marry long before 3 years anyway.
I was in an 8 year relationship, with no sign of any commitment regarding marriage. Looking back, I think that was a bad thing.

My parents were married within two years of meeting each other, still married nearly 40 years later. Dh and I got engaged on our 2nd anniversary of getting together, been married 10 years now. I’m a firm believer in when you know, you know.

I got engaged on 3yr anniversary too...broke up 3 years later luckily still not married. However, a particular event really changed him, I tried to stick it out and support him through (hence wedding plans on hold), but never got "him" back. I still think he would have been the one otherwise so no, I don't think 3 years would have been too quick if that event hadn't happened, and 10 years still wouldn't have prevented it!

Some get married after 20 years and still divorce.
Then others get married quickly and stay together forever.

Who can ever know what the future holds!

Engaged after 4 months, married after 18 months. Still very happily together 20 years later.
There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to this. I know couples who have waited over a decade to marry and it's not lasted 18 months.

I would message your friend back and say you appreciate their concern but this is right for you and OH.

3 years is plenty and your friend is being a massive weirdo. And a rude one at that.

Totally normal amount of time.

Your friend either a) doesn’t like your fiancé/thinks he’s not right for you
or b) fancies you himself
or c) doesn’t like the idea of you settling down for some reason

As long as you are actually happy and your fiancé is not some massive bellend , then I would distance yourself from your friend.

Three years is a very standard amount of time. Most people would only raise eyebrows at that time length of you were very young.

It's up to him whether he comes to your wedding, but he shouldn't make up reasons. I'm another who thinks he likes you.

Engaged at 2 years, married at 3, 46th anniversary last month. In the 70s that wasn't unusual.

Met, married and had first child within two years. You aren't kids - three years is plenty of time.

There are plenty of couples who are together for a decade before they get married, and then get divorced after 6 months.

DH and I got engaged after 3 years and married after 4… was a pretty standard timescale for most of the couples we know!

Seems reasonable to me. I met DP in October, we were engaged 2 months later and got married the following September so 11 months after meeting.

That was 40 years ago and we are still happy together

Not at all, especially when you’re early 30’s and have some life experience.

DH and I met at 22 and 24, married just under three years later. We were abit too young and daft tbh, but we’re happy over 20 years later! And still daft. 😂

This was my first thought too...

Ultimately it's what you feel happy with but 3 years is fairly normal in your 30s....
We dated for 1 year, lived together for a year, and then bought a house together at around 2 years. He proposed at 2.5, we married at 3 and a bit.

Still doing okay now... we have 1 DC and 2nd on the way....

Met and married within 2 years here still going strong. It's none of your friend's business. If it feels right to you then it's right for you.

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with your wedding planning. All sounds perfectly normal but your friend sounds like he’s a bit jealous - shame he can’t be happy for you.

Married within 18 months, been together 28 years. 3.5 years is perfectly normal.

No especially at your age.

we married after 4 years. We were engaged after 2.5 years, bought a house almost immediately and then when we moved in we booked the wedding for 15months later. All quite “quick” but all planned (no kids til after we were married a few years) i married at 23 as well!

I got engaged after 1 year, married after 2 years. We were 28 and 29. At the time we got engaged it hd been my shortest relationship. We are still going strong and have a beautiful little girl.

3 years is plenty of time and definitely not “too soon”. I know people who got married after a year still going strong 20 years later and people who married after 10 years separate after 3 months. You both know this is what you want, the time doesn’t matter.

Your friend really isn't a friend

3 years is absolutely loads of time! We did it in half that, which didn't feel rushed at all.

The friend is daft/jealous.

Engaged after a year and married a year later.
Now approaching nearly 40 years. Actually dh proposed after 4 months and I accepted but waited until getting engaged.

I think your friend either has a crush on you, or is worried that your friendship with him will change after you’re married.

It was 3.5 years for me. We actually got engaged after just over a year but weren’t in a rush to organise the wedding. Both mid-30s. It’s a totally normal thing to do!

Update on this “friend”:
I texted him back, ignored his comment about it being “too soon” and just said I appreciated the heads up that he wasn’t coming to the wedding. He didn’t reply, but a half hour later I got a message from another friend of ours.

”Friend” had texted the screenshot of my message to mutual friend and wrote how it was unfair that my DH “got me” after “only 3 years” when he’d been around longer. Mutual friend told him to stop being a creep and immediately sent the texts onto me.

I never ONCE expressed interest in “friend”, so I have no idea where this has come from. I’m now second guessing every nice thing he ever did for me over the years. Clearly he was expecting something other than gratitude and friendship.

DH is disgusted, as am I, and has offered to confront him himself to tear him a new one. I think it’s not worth it. “Friend” has made up his mind about the nature of our “relationship” and I don’t have the patience to play into delusion or hear the victim act.

I’ve blocked him on everything, and mutual friend is happy to fend him off.