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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3/3.5 years too soon to marry?

79 replies

3years0fears · 11/09/2023 21:03

DH (to be) and I got engaged on our 3 year anniversary, and plan to get married in the next few months, so we’d be around the 3.5 year mark.

We don’t need long to plan as we want a very small wedding anyway, which is why the engagement is under a year. We’ve lived together for a year, and are both 32. No babies yet.

A friend of mine texted me this evening to say he thinks I’m moving too fast with DH and doesn’t want to come to the wedding. I’m fine with him not attending as it’s his choice but AIBU to think 3 years together is long enough to get married?

OP posts:
evuscha · 12/09/2023 01:25

How weird of your friend!
We were on your exact timeline with my DH pretty much, married exactly 3 years after we started dating. It was our 4th wedding anniversary recently, we’re pretty happy and have one DC and another one on the way. I was around your age when we got married too. So seems pretty normal to me!

Wallywobbles · 12/09/2023 03:48

I think at the 3 year mark you have a good idea of who you are with.

WandaWonder · 12/09/2023 03:50

People get married and divorced in that time, no it's not too soon

Brightandshining · 12/09/2023 03:52

I got engaged to my husband 3 months into the relationship. We are still married 10 years later.
Your friend is very odd...

thepurcellsisters · 12/09/2023 03:57

@Aprilrosesews

So glad you posted your story.

We were engaged/ring shopping at 6 weeks. Mostly to make his mother feel better we waited till 6months to announce it. Married 12m later to give me time to finish my uni degree.

Marriage was brought up on day 2, but very much in a joking way.

19years on and I hear people say that 1-2 years isn't long enough and I wonder what they are waiting for.

3.5 years - if you don't already know you want to be together long term it's definitely time to move on.

Monkeytapper · 12/09/2023 05:24

I met and married DH within a year of meeting, fell pregnant on honeymoon, been married 16 years now!

LizardLizard · 12/09/2023 05:48

Your friend definitely has some kind of agenda. How is 3 years moving too fast?

We got married just under 3 years in. We were slightly older than you. Still together 7 years later.

BBno4 · 12/09/2023 05:53

I had 2 kids by that point...

Lastchancechica · 12/09/2023 06:02

We got together in July, engaged by March - married the following January. So eighteen months. That was 22 years ago. I knew immediately he was the one, as did he.

Your friend holds a candle for you and is devastated you are getting married. Three years is plenty of time to really know a person.

Frozensun · 12/09/2023 06:10

Time is irrelevant - I’d actually be questioning why a “friend” thinks they have the right to dictate your personal life. It has overtones of control and I think maybe it’s time to look at whether he is a real friend.

Simonjt · 12/09/2023 06:18

We married on the secondary anniversary of our first date.

Is he concerned about red flags?

Loopyloooooo · 12/09/2023 06:22

Met my DH at 18, married at 21. I'm the same age as you OP so you can probably guess my answer. Marriage (if to the right person) is the best thing ever and sometimes you just know. Your friend sounds nuts.

DeltaLea · 12/09/2023 06:26

Been together for nearly 4 years.... still waiting for the question GrinGrin

UmbrellaSoldiers · 12/09/2023 06:30

Your friend is a dick.

Of course 3 years isn't too soon WTF 😂

DH and I got engaged on the anniversary of our first date, married 8 months later. About to celebrate 25th anniversary in November 😁

I had already planned our wedding in my head by month 3 of dating, btw. And I was only 21! (23 by the wedding day) I imagine people had some thoughts about that but thankfully they kept it to themselves!

BusyMum47 · 12/09/2023 06:38

We were married within 2yrs & celebrate our 20th anniversary tomorrow!

Your 'friend' sounds like he's either jealous, mean or both! Cut him loose & go get married! Congratulations!!

TotalOverhaul · 12/09/2023 06:42

Definitely not too soon. DH and I got engaged after 6 months and marries within 18 months. `Still together 30 years later and still get on really well, make each other laugh, help each other out, are romantic and best of all have loads of adventures planned for retirement.

InBedByTen · 12/09/2023 06:58

It’s a completely normal length of time.

I’d guess one of the following-

  • your friend secretly hopes to get together with you
  • your friend is anxious about your life moving forward while his stays still
  • your friend has concerns of some sort about your DH and is saying this as a way of trying to flag that you should give it some more thought
123sunshine · 12/09/2023 07:01

Walk away from having ‘friend’ in your life if he can’t be happy for you. I’ve been married twice, the first time it took 10 years for us to marry. The marriage lasted 10 years (so 20 year relationship) the second time I married, I met my husband, was engaged after a year and married 19 months after we first met. We are still very happy. I suspect some people thought I’d moved a bit quickly, but I couldn’t care less what other people think. It’s my life to live.

Namechangedforthis25 · 12/09/2023 07:04

Very strange - 3 years is surely average in your 30s

your friend fancies you - that’s it.

I was 4 years to getting engaged…, but by 3 years others in our group were getting engaged/married and my now husband was being questioned all the time about when he was going to ask the question

bruffin · 12/09/2023 07:04

WithIcePlease · 11/09/2023 21:19

Met august 90, engaged December 90, bought house April 91, married April 92

Still together

Similar
Met Oct 87, engaged oct 90, married August 91, still married 32 tears later

Equimum · 12/09/2023 07:08

Absolutely not. We were married inside two years and had our first child eighteen months after that. We've not been together 14 years and married nearly 12.5.

mydogisthebest · 12/09/2023 09:10

3 years is more than long enough to know whether you want to marry someone.

Me and DH got married 5 months after meeting. He was 23 and I was 25. From our first date we saw each other every day until our wedding. DH did shift work so sometimes we would meet for breakfast, sometimes lunch and some evening dates.

We have been married 43 years and are still very happy and in love

thisone6 · 12/09/2023 10:06

I think that sounds like a perfectly standard length of time, especially given your age. I think friend is being very odd. We waited 6 years but it was because we were young when we first started dating rather than not feeling like 3 years was long enough.

Shallana · 12/09/2023 11:54

I think age is relevant here. I met my husband at 22, we got married at 29. However, we did a huge amount of growing up and growing together through our twenties, settled into our careers, lots of travelling, bought a house.

By the time you're in your 30s, you've pretty much done your growing up and are generally much more stable. You have a better idea of who you are and what you want, so it's natural for relationships to progress more quickly.

AnIndianWoman · 12/09/2023 11:56

I actually think you know if you’ll want to marry within 6 mths. So meet to marriage in 2-3 years is normal.