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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother making me uncomfortable

58 replies

celestialritz · 11/09/2023 01:20

My brother (in his forties) lives with my mother. When I go round he is often just wearing shorts and no top. I feel uncomfortable when he kisses me in greeting and said to him today ‘are you going to put a top on?’ He then imitated me using a high pitched squeaky voice, I guess to put me down. Am I being unreasonable to find it odd of him and to feel uncomfortable when he is hot , sweaty and bare chested?

OP posts:
OnlyBoobsandBabies · 11/09/2023 01:40

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable because that's where he lives and sounds like a typical brother taking the mick with the voice. It's also boiling at the moment so let him be comfortable in his own home.

bananaxapple · 11/09/2023 01:53

Unless there is a massive backstory here it sounds like he was just taking the piss and mucking around regarding the voice thing.

However, he is allowed to be comfortable in his own home wearing no shirt especially in weather like this. How do you cope seeing shirtless men out and about in public? I’m seeing nothing weird here Confused

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2023 02:00

How does your mother feel about it? Why is he living in her home?

EmmaEmerald · 11/09/2023 02:01

I hear you OP
I briefly dated a guy who would hang out at mine watching TV in his boxers and I felt like telling even him to put some clothes on. He was gorgeous, but I am keen on clothes in communal areas!

I hate seeing shirtless men just in the High Street or whatever. It's not a beach.

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 02:11

OnlyBoobsandBabies · 11/09/2023 01:40

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable because that's where he lives and sounds like a typical brother taking the mick with the voice. It's also boiling at the moment so let him be comfortable in his own home.

I know it’s so hot but it still seems strange not to throw a t shirt in before coming to kiss me. Yes the ‘voice’ was taking the piss out of me but he is in his forties and it’s not something I would do to him.

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 11/09/2023 02:13

Don't let him near you!

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 02:15

Generally, I don’t think a bare chest is a great look out and about in public unless on the beach. I cope fine but it makes me cringe a bit to be honest.

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 11/09/2023 02:19

If I'm expecting a visitor, yes even family, I'm dressed. The top I was wearing today, i'd not have worn if my sister was visiting for example - too much on display!

tiredofthenoise · 11/09/2023 03:22

I think it's impolite to get too close to someone, even family members, when you're not wearing a shirt, and the thought of anyone touching me with their sweaty bare chest makes me feel ill. However, while you can't help how you feel, he lives there and can dress as he likes. There's not much you can do about it besides pointedly turning down his kiss or trying to avoid him until the weather turns cooler.

Since he's so hilarious with his mocking mimic of your voice, you could take a comic approach as well and have some joking comment prepared about his extremely casual mode of dress. Most likely there's nothing to be gained by engaging with him on this, though, so I'd just step away if he moves toward you. Let him mock. You don't have to accept his 'affections'.

user1492757084 · 11/09/2023 04:16

He's relaxed and hot and funny in his own home.
Bare chests for men are not weird.
You can keep your distance as it suits you.

Christmas present ideas - pure cotton shirt or vest, air con.

RantyAnty · 11/09/2023 04:28

I wouldn't want someone's sweaty bare skin on me. Yuck.

MinnieTruck · 11/09/2023 04:31

YABU

LusaBatoosa · 11/09/2023 04:36

Is there a backstory coming? As, otherwise, YABU.

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 04:37

Would it be different if you were on holiday for example? I was just thinking if it was my brother I'd be taking the piss saying - put it away! But then on hols, I don't think like that at all.

I don't think it's particularly strange.

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

MotherofDogs3 · 11/09/2023 05:06

That's your brother why you acting so weird? He's in his own home? Don't like it don't go round there in hot weather 😒

OnlyBoobsandBabies · 11/09/2023 05:08

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

Well that's dramatic

JanefromLondon1 · 11/09/2023 05:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 11/09/2023 06:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

My nipples were hot!

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 06:16

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2023 02:00

How does your mother feel about it? Why is he living in her home?

DM would not criticise him but would find it odd if her own brother kissed her bare chested I think. I was there to visit her with my teenage sons. Certainly I would suggest to them that they should pop a shirt on when greeting visitors.
DB still lives in the family home and has never left.

OP posts:
Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 06:23

user1492757084 · 11/09/2023 04:16

He's relaxed and hot and funny in his own home.
Bare chests for men are not weird.
You can keep your distance as it suits you.

Christmas present ideas - pure cotton shirt or vest, air con.

I know, on the surface of it it’s fine for men to have a bare chest but I find it weird, which is why I’m posting and it’s interesting that some think I’m weird but others see my point.
I don’t think he’s being particularly funny - he mimics my voice and sometimes my mother’s. I also have another 2 brothers who he wouldn’t dream of doing that to.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 11/09/2023 06:25

He’s your brother and it’s his home. FFS.

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 06:26

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 04:37

Would it be different if you were on holiday for example? I was just thinking if it was my brother I'd be taking the piss saying - put it away! But then on hols, I don't think like that at all.

I don't think it's particularly strange.

Yes - would be completely different somehow!

OP posts:
Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 06:28

MotherofDogs3 · 11/09/2023 05:06

That's your brother why you acting so weird? He's in his own home? Don't like it don't go round there in hot weather 😒

I know but I go to see DM really. It’s not just when it’s hot, it’s other times too - sometimes he’s just pottering in the kitchen in his boxers.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 11/09/2023 06:30

I think if you can't cope with how your brother dresses in his own home, then probably don't go over.

Can you imagine if it was a man saying 'AIBU to tell my sister to put trousers on when I visit her as her short skirt makes me feel uncomfortable'. He'd be told in no uncertain terms to do one.