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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother making me uncomfortable

58 replies

celestialritz · 11/09/2023 01:20

My brother (in his forties) lives with my mother. When I go round he is often just wearing shorts and no top. I feel uncomfortable when he kisses me in greeting and said to him today ‘are you going to put a top on?’ He then imitated me using a high pitched squeaky voice, I guess to put me down. Am I being unreasonable to find it odd of him and to feel uncomfortable when he is hot , sweaty and bare chested?

OP posts:
Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 06:31

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

I don’t think it’s that bad. I love him but just feel a bit cringe about it.

OP posts:
electriclight · 11/09/2023 06:31

I think fine for him to be bare chested in his own home, particularly in this weather.

Maybe he'd put a shirt on if royalty was visiting, but you shouldn't really need to behave differently when your sister pops in.

I guess giving you a kiss on arrival is just what he usually does. Just tell him not to if you don't like it.

I don't see the voice mimic as particularly awful, no worse than you thinking you can tell off a man in his 40s for what he's wearing in his house.

Holly60 · 11/09/2023 06:31

Fair enough if you don't want a sweaty chest against you - when he goes to kiss you just say 'no ta, not with your sweaty man chest'

givemeasunnyday · 11/09/2023 06:43

Are you for real? People are allowed to dress however they want to in their own home - why do you even care?????

PurpleChrayne · 11/09/2023 06:46

There is nothing more repulsive than a layabout adult male living with his mother.

PietariKontio · 11/09/2023 07:15

PurpleChrayne · 11/09/2023 06:46

There is nothing more repulsive than a layabout adult male living with his mother.

Nothing? Really? Nigel Farage? Donald Trump? Andrew Tate? Any random married peadophile? There's many reasons adults may live with their parents, especially these days, that doesn't make them bad people. I'd suggest that generalising, judgemental people are far worse humans. Yes, you're allowed an opinion, but people don't make their life choices for your approval

Trixiefirecracker · 11/09/2023 07:21

If he’s 40 and still living with his mother he’s probably infantilised, hence imitating you. Strange behaviour.

JanglingJack · 11/09/2023 07:22

Holly60 · 11/09/2023 06:30

I think if you can't cope with how your brother dresses in his own home, then probably don't go over.

Can you imagine if it was a man saying 'AIBU to tell my sister to put trousers on when I visit her as her short skirt makes me feel uncomfortable'. He'd be told in no uncertain terms to do one.

A short skirt isn't comparable at all because that's being dressed, like the outfit or not.

Brother wandering round in boxers, that he's probably slept in is a bit minging.

I'd just have to tell him stay away, and tell he smells too, he's my brother, I can do that! He'd tell me to fuck off and there'd probably be a tea towel whip competition. I still wouldn't let him touch me 🤣

Wellshellsbells · 11/09/2023 07:22

Ah stop! A husband , a teen and a pre teen in my house, you can’t move without seeing a nipple here and if someone came in to their home and was offended by them,I’d hope they’d get out sharpish!

lap90 · 11/09/2023 07:26

He's a 40 year old man so your comment is weird . If you dont want him to come near you without a top then just say.

AccountCreateUsername · 11/09/2023 07:43

Hi OP, I’d find that annoying too, especially an always there adult sibling seemingly loafing around half naked. I think there’s a backstory there. Does your brother work?

Is it possible to bring / invite your mum to your home for visits? Or meet somewhere out of her house?

Also, I’d be able to say to my sibling ‘wtf, put some clothes on’. Why hasn’t he moved out before? Has he had a gf?

Nagado · 11/09/2023 07:46

It’s completely reasonable not to want a sweaty, half naked man anywhere near you in this weather, certainly not getting close enough to kiss you.

It’s completely unreasonable to go into his home and complain that he’s not suitably dressed to receive you. If it bothered your DM then that would be completely different as he’s in her house.

GoryBory · 11/09/2023 07:48

electriclight · 11/09/2023 06:31

I think fine for him to be bare chested in his own home, particularly in this weather.

Maybe he'd put a shirt on if royalty was visiting, but you shouldn't really need to behave differently when your sister pops in.

I guess giving you a kiss on arrival is just what he usually does. Just tell him not to if you don't like it.

I don't see the voice mimic as particularly awful, no worse than you thinking you can tell off a man in his 40s for what he's wearing in his house.

I agree.

I don’t hug/kiss my brother as it’s not something our family do but he’s shirtless most times I go round there and it doesn’t bother me because he’s my brother.

I’m also wearing next to nothing in this heat because I’m hot and it’s my home.

I wouldn’t feel the need to change my outfit because my family are coming around

ApolloandDaphne · 11/09/2023 07:58

I would be more weirded out by my DB kissing me than not having a top on. Kissing doesn't happen in our family apart from the creepy uncle we all avoid.

NoPuddingForYou · 11/09/2023 08:05

Trixiefirecracker · 11/09/2023 07:21

If he’s 40 and still living with his mother he’s probably infantilised, hence imitating you. Strange behaviour.

Or he’s moved in to help while his mother is unwell, or he’s there for a few months while his home is being refurbished, or…

topnoddy · 11/09/2023 08:15

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

Best call the rozzers and get him locked up then !

ZadocPDederick · 11/09/2023 08:23

I don't see why it's weird. But if you want to discourage him, comment on his moobs.

gardenlaundry · 11/09/2023 08:35

I popped round to see my brother once and he'd just walked in, all sweaty after a run. He went in automatically to give me a hug and I said 'Eeww sweaty beast, go get changed first'. And he did.

Unless there's a huge back story, your situation just seems like normal sibling banter.

BygoneDays · 11/09/2023 08:37

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

Definitely. OP should get on to the police straightaway. I would have dialled 999 at the first sight of him, he is practically a rapist.

Jevwaypock · 11/09/2023 08:40

Sounds like a normal brother to me? If you don’t like him bare chested in his own home in a heatwave tell him to back off when he goes to greet you.
He’s your brother not a stranger!

MattyTeddy · 11/09/2023 08:45

Not U to not want sweaty skin pressed against you but unless you grabbed you on a bear hug it doesn't sound like that happened.

You are U thinking he's weird being topless in his own home on an extremely hot day.

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 09:07

Trixiefirecracker · 11/09/2023 07:21

If he’s 40 and still living with his mother he’s probably infantilised, hence imitating you. Strange behaviour.

I think this is insightful - thanks.

OP posts:
hellohelp · 11/09/2023 12:10

You sound like my mum when she comes into my house and DP doesn't have a top on

Not your house not your problem. Yabu

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 13:12

hellohelp · 11/09/2023 12:10

You sound like my mum when she comes into my house and DP doesn't have a top on

Not your house not your problem. Yabu

To be fair, it’s not his house either. I am not mortally offended by it or viewing it as a major problem but am surprised about wandering around in just boxers or shorts. My DH and sons wouldn’t do it and neither would have my DF. It all seems a bit Jack Duckworth! Then there’s the issue of looming over me, invading space and mocking my discomfort. I do accept that I am in the minority though but value that at least some PP’s appreciate where I’m coming from. I will leave it here now though, thank you for opinions and replies.

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 11/09/2023 13:14

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

For a bit of drama, shall we just upgrade it to sexual assault?
Ffs it's her brother, get a grip 😅