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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have corrected this man about DS not being a DD?

72 replies

HairHeGoesHairHeGoesAgain · 10/09/2023 17:33

6yo DS has long hair, tied up usually, was in a bun/top knot yesterday. We went to a supermarket, DH and DS were behind with the trolley, I was in front with the list.

DH telling DS he can get whatever he wants for tea, just stick it in the trolley etc.

Bloke behind comments along the lines of "Don't say that! Her husband will have a nightmare with her thinking she can have her own way in the future! You know what girls are like?!" Chortle chortle.

I said "he's a boy, he's just got long hair". Blokes jaw drops a bit, goes "oh, I am sorry, I just saw the pony tail!" I smile, say "it's not a problem, being a girls not a bad thing to be!" Light-hearted laugh. I wanted to say "except for when people are making sexist jokes at your expense!" But I didn't! Which I think showed marvelous restraint considering!

DH says I shouldn't have corrected him, it made him feel bad. My argument is, don't make sexist jokes, especially if you're already wrong about the sex. The bloke clearly felt worse about calling DS a girl than he did about saying he'd make "her" spoilt for a future man.

Was I being unreasonable to have said something?

This is obviously a bit light-hearted, not particularly serious.

** DS has long hair because he wants it long. He gets called a girl a lot, it's usually fine, either we don't say anything but refer to him as he/good boy or whatever or we'll tell them he's a boy if it pertains to the conversation.

OP posts:
TooBored1 · 10/09/2023 17:36

I'd say he got off lightly.

JaiynDough · 10/09/2023 17:37

You're not wrong about not giving a fuck if he felt bad but on the other hand I wouldn't have cared what he said.

Smile and nod and get on with your own shit. Leave imbeciles to it.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/09/2023 17:37

YANBU.

Old guy sounds like a twat

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/09/2023 17:40

He looks like a girl. He gets mistaken for one. You said that yourself.
I see no problem.

Willmafrockfit · 10/09/2023 17:46

you corrected him
he apologised
end of story

SandandSky · 10/09/2023 17:49

My youngest is a DS with long hair and angelic looks - people think he’s a girl all the time.

my general rule is if you are an annoying/sexist/smarmy prick then I’m correcting you. If you are quite sweet and just made a mistake I let it slide

let the man be embarrassed!

GrazingSheep · 10/09/2023 17:49

Old guy sounds like a twat

Where did the op mention his age?

Cowlover89 · 10/09/2023 17:49

Yanbu

fortifiedwithtea · 10/09/2023 17:49

Its always old men that make twattish remarks. I applaud you for shutting one up.

Hubblebubble · 10/09/2023 17:53

Where did your husband stand on the disgusting nonsense he was spewing?

Maddy70 · 10/09/2023 17:55

He made a mistake I really wouldn't have cared less

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/09/2023 17:58

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/09/2023 17:37

YANBU.

Old guy sounds like a twat

She didn't say he was old. That is your ageist assumption.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/09/2023 17:59

fortifiedwithtea · 10/09/2023 17:49

Its always old men that make twattish remarks. I applaud you for shutting one up.

The OP didn't say he was old. You are assuming that.

Hubblebubble · 10/09/2023 17:59

I think it speaks volumes that he was more concerned about the comfort of a sexist stranger than yours.

Somaliwildass · 10/09/2023 18:00

If DS is mistaken for a girl all the time and it's no big deal, then there was no need correct him unless you wanted to make a point about his sexist comments.

As you didn't bother, despite apparently being annoyed, it was a waste of your time. He didn't hear what you actually wanted him to know.

sparklefresh · 10/09/2023 18:01

fortifiedwithtea · 10/09/2023 17:49

Its always old men that make twattish remarks. I applaud you for shutting one up.

What a revoltingly ageist and sexist thing to say.

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2023 18:02

It was an asshole misogynist remark and needed to be corrected for DS’s sake. This is how a culture of contempt for women gets perpetuated.

MadameCamembert · 10/09/2023 18:02

It all depends on delivery. I quite often hear that DSS will be a ‘heartbreaker’ and ‘trouble’ which I suppose is sexist but I know it’s intended as a giggle and a compliment.

So depending on the delivery from the man and your son having a typical hairstyle for girls, it might not be something I could have got worked up over.

Lovingitallnow · 10/09/2023 18:02

Out of everything he said it's not the bit I'd chose to correct him on.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/09/2023 18:03

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2023 18:02

It was an asshole misogynist remark and needed to be corrected for DS’s sake. This is how a culture of contempt for women gets perpetuated.

I agreed with that. It was right to correct him, but what about the two ageist comments?

MadameCamembert · 10/09/2023 18:03

fortifiedwithtea · 10/09/2023 17:49

Its always old men that make twattish remarks. I applaud you for shutting one up.

And you don’t think that’s sexist?

Iwasafool · 10/09/2023 18:03

pikkumyy77 · 10/09/2023 18:02

It was an asshole misogynist remark and needed to be corrected for DS’s sake. This is how a culture of contempt for women gets perpetuated.

Doesn't it need to be corrected for the sake of girls/women? Doesn't really matter to the OPs son, he isn't a girl so it isn't relevant to him.

Mumofteenandtween · 10/09/2023 18:04

I think that it is useful to remind people that boys can have long hair or that girls can wear blue*.

*Someone once called (then) baby dd a boy. I corrected and they said they had assumed that she was a boy as she was wearing blue. She was - she had loads of blue clothes as I like blue - but in this case it was a blue dress! I couldn’t work out whether the person was really into gender stereotypes (blue equals boy) or really not (dress does not mean girl)!

MinnieTruck · 10/09/2023 18:06

Lovingitallnow · 10/09/2023 18:02

Out of everything he said it's not the bit I'd chose to correct him on.

Right???

Her husband will have a nightmare with her thinking she can have her own way in the future! You know what girls are like?!"

I’m quite shocked that someone would be so brazen enough to say that to a random person they don’t even know. ‘Thinking she can have her own way in future’ is just wow, I have no words

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2023 18:06

The comment was filled with sexism and you were right to challenge the comment.

You'd think in 2023 people would have got past the idea that long hair is for girls.