Weekends are so boring and quite depressing

[Weekendboreoff]

Are they fun for you? AIBU?

I don’t have many local friends (we moved, we live in a nice area but I don’t like it).

On the weekend, I take the kids to their hobbies in the morning. I go for a swim.

Then… that’s it. The rest of the aimless, dull day to fill each day. It’s depressing.

What do you all do if you enjoy the weekends?

I end up looking on my phone, which makes me depressed. I’m not into tv. I like to read, so I do that a bit too.

My kids play out with other kids while I just… feel depressed at the state of my dreary life. DH plays video games.

I love weekends and never get bored. The kids have some activities but they don't get to dictate how we spend our entire weekends. Visiting family, going for day trips, board games, cooking, gardening, camping, cinema, theatre, popping to a cafe for a piece of cake. If the kids are having a day or so of downtime I catch up on reading, sewing, DIY.

Never have time to be bored but I guess the difference is that I don't need company. I like being on my own with the DC.

Your DH needs to get off his phone and video games and help a bit here - I am sorry but you need to have an honest conversation about this and start planning stuff- I am presuming you compromised so that you can move closer to your MiL and away from your social life so he needs to support you at weekends.

There are loads of good ideas on here but you don’t seem to want to listen to them - it is hard to go out on walks when the kids don’t want too. However, what about:

• a bigger family trip out one weekend a month or every couple of months - theme park or on the train to london or birmingham.
• taking time to visit your old friends - having a girls night out on a fri or sat with them? I get they have kids too but we all need a life!
• Asking your MiL to babysit so you and DH can go out.
• Cinema, bowling, go karting, lazer zone, climbing walls, adventure park
• we have a couple of mazes near us a couple of pounds per child easily a couple of hours entertainment for your kids and perhaps a friend - while you have a coffee with DH.
• our local paper details whats on events - free activities as-well as paid ones - look locally whats going on.
• I made friends at the local zumbe/ clubbercise group.
• join the school parents association they will always be looking for people to support fetes and christmas events!

Do you work in the week if not look for something in the week - part time etc? may make you more able to tolerate a more relaxed weekend if you have been busy in the week!

You don’t have to be an amazing runner. That’s the whole point.

I think OP you sound like a person who needs to be around people/friends in order to be content. If you were happy with nature and your own company you'd be in an ideal situation. Unfortunately your husband is the complete opposite to you and sounds stubborn and lazy and that's rubbing off on your kids who are also becoming stubborn and lazy.

Sometimes. I find there either packed with stuff or completely empty no inbetween . Husband works some weekends too so sometimes these can feel pretty dire.

saturdays are sport days- we are all in a sport team so it’s juggling that. Then Sundays can be completely nothing, but of housework, popping to town for a coffee etc .

could you join a sports team (I can think of football, hockey, rugby that are at the weekend) or something like that that will get you out and about m. Or there seems to be these outdoor adventuring women’s groups , WI etc that might get you out and about. But yeah without our sports Saturdays the weekends would be dire x

My kids do a lot more sport than one morning activity so our weekends are often filled with that. A competition day, a tournament, etc etc.
I seem to have a lot of kids parties to go to as well.
I like early morning walks while the kids are still in bed or dusk ones while they are all vegging out. Granted it’s normally with a local friend. Can you join a local walking group?
I try and plan something special most months. This weekend it was a show with one of my kids and a girly lunch with her.
All else fails what about church, even if you aren’t a believer they tend to be more community minded.

DH wanted to move here, his mother was crying on the phone a lot about being lonely and he likes it here and didn’t like where we were before as much. So he definitely wanted it. I could see that it would be a nicer place for dc to grow up, so I agreed. It is a nicer place for them to grow up. And better schools. DH works from home most of the time, so he sees his mother maybe twice a week. She comes up with lots of reasons for him to go round - check her computer, needs help building furniture. They’re sort of invented reasons. While I don’t want to hang out with her one-on-one (she’s the type to talk at you), I am delighted for her to be a big part of our family life.

But we haven’t taken her up on babysitting as much as DH and I don’t share a social life. It’s just me travelling to go and see my friends, really. DH doesn’t go and see his much. Maybe once every 3 months!

It has been a really good move for everyone - except me! I think I have probably been quite mopey and resentful even though this wasn’t done to me, I very much agreed, and feel pleased for dc. I just feel rather lonely and actually a little homesick for our old area. We won’t go back though, it wouldn’t be fair on dc. I need to find a way to just get over it! And perhaps we’ll move back when they’ve grown up.

I am really interested in all these suggestions and have been looking a lot of them up. I am not shy in new groups, I’m definitely outgoing. And I really need social stuff for my own mental health! DH doesn’t at all, so he doesn’t really get it.

I completely feel you. I have the same issue with my DH. He will say to me look I'm happy doing my thing, the kids are happy doing their thing, the only person not happy is you! As soon as I'm on that sofa on my phone while he games/watches TV I feel the life drain out of me and then I become so demotivated that I couldn't get myself out if I tried. I then become resentful towards DH that he isn't more active or takes the initiative to suggest we do things as it's always me who feels I'm bugging everyone to get out the house.

Are you anywhere near the sea? Sea swimming is really popular now and there are lots of groups of women who meet up for a dip at weekends and after work. This often seems to lead to having a coffee or a bite to eat afterwards too.
If you're into walking at all, local walking groups can be nice - check out MeetUp for stuff. I'm part of one that goes out most weekends - no pressure to be there every week, it's kind of drop in when you're free. Great group of local women.
I've just started going to CrossFit on a Sat morning and the group is friendly and go for coffee afterwards.

If you were to get a weekend job I would think somewhere you meet locals would be good - pub or v local cafe perhaps

well you could just work every weekend like I do if they are crap for you anyway...might as well be earning

Yes this is exactly me too!

Maybe it's easier said than done but I think you need to get into the mindset of taking responsibility for your own happiness and social life and not assuming your DH & DC will fulfil those roles. It sounds as though your DC can be happily left alone or with DH so organise things for yourself that you will enjoy. My DH & I have always had separate interests .. I am happily away on my own for a few days, having a lovely time ... my DH wouldn't have wanted to come (or might have begrudgingly) but I am perfectly happy and content on my own. Equally he loves a few nights away back packing which would be my idea if hell .

I think you definitely need to make your own local friends and leave your kids to do something with them on a regular basis.

I'd also plan something fun for every weekend that includes the kids. This doesn't need to be an expensive outing, just something fun that is out of the house, have you tried geocaching?

We have days out every weekend. Drive in to the countryside abd have a walk, stop for a pub lunch or coffee and cake. Go to a National Trust property, visit a castle, visit a nearby town and look around, go to a museum. There are so many things to do. I can't imagine just staying indoors looking at my phone if that made me feel bored and depressed.

OP, just head out to things on your own. Leave your DH supervising the kids, and do a class, join a group, whatever it takes to get you socialising. Choirs, walking groups, amateur dramatic groups, photography clubs, gyms and dance classes, local history societies, your local community Council, befriending organisations, volunteering with samaritans or a similar organisation....

Just do something, one thing, on your own to start with. Pottery. Sewing Class. Book club. Riding lesson. Introduction to sailing at the nearest lake. Open water swimming. Yoga or pilates classes. School parent Council. Volunteer with guides or brownies. Get yourself out there for at least half a day per weekend.

Otherwise, you will continue to wilt.

We don't have many friends in our area. My DH has a few that share the same hobby as him, and i have two friends that i rarely actually even see to be honest.

But we make fun together, go out on date days etc. When we dont go out, weekends can be dull, though, we end up hammering Netflix

Given your updates I think it's really got to be you making a change somewhere to feel more at home in your new area.

Having said that, I am absolutely not a person who could be married to someone who has zero get up & go other than to work from home & play video games so I'd be having a serious chat my my dh if I were in your shoes about the compromises you've made to facilitate the move to be closer to his dm & I'd be telling v him in no uncertain terms that you expect him to compromise too in order to help you feel better about it. And that this means more effort to be present & engaged with a) family life - encouraging the kids to experience new things & this requires him to help with the thinking / planning / organising + demonstrating enthusiasm for the adventure to them (whatever it is). And b) actually organising his mother to babysiit once a month & spending time outside the house together as a couple. Whether this is a drink in a nice local pub (you might meet people & make friends), dinner out, cinema, theatre, join a class together - whatever! Something where you look forward to it, it's an opportunity to dress up a bit more than day to day & you start to build a life in your new location together.

Separate to all of this, you need to start doing things for yourself too. It's vital to have interests outside the kids / house / marriage / work. You're a person too & you only get 1 life so don't waste it moping

Your husband needs to step up .
tell him changes need to be made. That’s Saturday afternoons are family time going somewhere new ( kids need to just do as parents say ) they will get use to it.
Sunday everyone switched phones game consoles off and now prep a family lunch .
let kids play and husband . Then after food do a movie , walk or games . Can you all go a bike ride together .
Its a relationship and your Dh needs to know you are unfulfilled.

once a month tell him to plan date night after all your near his mother for babysitting . Also go back to your old town once a month for the weekend and leave Dh to get things done .

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but it's so lovely for your children to live on a street where there are loads of kids who all play out together at weekends.

My children were lucky to have had a similar old-fashioned childhood. They're young adults now and have always found making friends easy. I'm convinced it's because they spent their childhood playing out away from adults, and had to make their own fun and resolve their own differences. They absolutely loved their childhood weekends/holidays.

Sorry this doesn't help you OP! Hope you can find a weekend activity you enjoy, and you can leave your DH at home "on call" for your children - who are having an amazing unstructured childhood which will benefit them their whole lives long.

The kids can help you to be more social - join a sailing club or other sport club, perhaps open water swimming? Arrange babysitting and go out. Get involved locally, do a course, go rambling etc

You sound lonely and fed up and without anyone around to 'connect' with - you're bound to dread weekends.
I have also got into a rut of revolving round kids activities and doing the same thing every weekend so I do try and mix it up a little bit now and not feel selfish about doing something for me. would it be possible to join a gym with a nice cafe and maybe get talking to some people there?

Old thread but seeing as it’s been reactivated…. Did you join a running club @Weekendboreoff? How are your weekends now?