To wonder why the National Trust have addressed mail to my husband?

[GreenTreees]

I have just signed up for a joint National Trust membership. I entered my details first as the lead member. The subscription is coming out of my own bank account.

I have received a welcome email and temporary membership cards.

The email opens addressing my husband first: “Hello Mr Smith and Dr Smith.” His is the first name on the membership cards.

AIBU to be disgruntled that they have defaulted to male first, even when I’m the one paying the bills?!

(And they can’t even say that they’re following convention, because convention would be Dr first anyway!)

Humph.

RSPB did this. I had been a member for yonks and added DH when we married. It wasn't the reason I stopped being a member but it's irksome even so.

But NT have no business with the husband, OP is the customer. Surely, they should be addressing their customer first and maybe even only, regardless of tradition.

My Mum complained about it 65 years ago (not National trust though).

The next person to tell us how far we've got will be along in 3...2...1..

This happened to me. I rang NT and they changed it to my name on correspondence.

That really got on my fucking tits with mortgage stuff, and we don't even have the same name.

English heritage write to us as Dr and Mr Filth.

Barclays were my student bank account from 1996 and then my first mortgage from 2004 (as Woolwich, which was linked to Barclays). In 2010 when we bought together and I moved the mortgage as well taking out a new one (first wasn't the type that could be extended), they decided my husband superceded me when I made the mortgage into joint names. AND even though I made no change to my Barclays bank account, they decided he was now the primary account holder there too!

God I'm a bit embarrassed to say I've never thought twice about writing Mr & Mrs (not that I do it very often, and it's usually to family). But I'm not married and can definitely see this being the sort of thing that would annoy me in the future. I've never been a fan of Mr & Mrs Husbands Initial, Last Name though.

me too. Really annoying, I've never used "Mrs".

OP I think you're right to be annoyed but why on earth are you using your academic title for a non academic reason? DH has a PhD and works in academic research but wouldn't use the title Dr for something like this as it's completely irrelevant

They're a shower of bastards. I'd cancel over this & go with historic house ma or something

@EmmaGrundyForPM because it's completely personal preference on which title you use? OP has earned the right to use that title if she so wishes.

Would it be any more "relevant" if she were a medical doctor?

I’m currently on holiday with my husband. I booked the whole thing, entered myself as lead traveller and paid for it all. Every bit of documentation has my husband as lead traveller.
Pisses me off massively.

Many years ago we had an account with BT. They’d only let us have the account in one name so it was in my husbands name (more than 30 years ago). Then I needed to put in a second line for my business. I contacted BT, set up the installation, nothing to do with my husband. BT phoned him, said I’d asked to set up the line and did HE want it to be on the same account as our domestic line. He said yes, because he didn’t think it through, and so, without consulting me, the business line I had requested for MY business was changed to a domestic line in my husband’s name.
Infuriating

I joined my local county wildlife trust and could add an additional member. I added DS as he enjoyed a run around a few of their local reserves.
First correspondence I got was addressed to him and Mrs Grim. I complained and they somewhat grudgingly changed it but said they no it really mattered.
For very long complex reasons I had to have dealings with one of their ‘experts’ who was such a condescending twat when speaking to me that I cancelled my membership and sponsored a smaller, local rescue centre instead.

I’m fairly sure they’re in my name but good point

I've just changed my bank account. Been NT joint/family members for years. NT just wrote to my husband about the change of bank details?? My name wasn't even on the letter. I set the membership up, it comes out of my account, but when I asked why, they said they've made him the lead member. I challenged them that it was sexist but they denied it. Then they said I could be made the lead member WITH HIS PERMISSION!!! I'm going to cancel our auto renewal, set up a new membership and see if it happens again. Then I feel a campaign coming on.

I had a current account for 10 years with Barclays, then added my husband to the account when we got married. They immediately put his name first on the account and cheque books and all letters came addresses to him. I had to kick up a fuss but they never explained why they did it. Sexist.

This really boils my piss. There is so much shit going on in the world, and you are “worried” that a company puts one name in front of another?

Really? Really about 1st world problems

First world problems?

100% true because ridig written contracts are 100% a first world thing

GreenTreees & Pclou45 and the other women formed legal contracts and in each case the other party to the contract removed her contract rights and passed them to a male in her life

You did understand that right?

Getting annoyed on MN about what you perceive to be first world problems is itself a first world problem.

DS recently joined a football team. Despite it being me that takes him to every game and practice, due to DH’s work clashing, and putting myself as the first contact on the membership forms etc, it was DH who was added to the team WhatsApp group. I had no idea one had been made so missed the first few important messages. DH just hadn’t registered what the group was or accepted to join. But you know, because it is football, obviously it’s the dad not the mum that is contact!

Strange they always write to me for renewals. We get separate books (wasteful not very green)

Don't be silly.
One of the questions, when opening a joint account, is; who is the lead account holder?
Then the computer defaults it to man followed by woman, no matter the surnames or answer to the above question.

Along these lines, our house tenancy was in my name only for years (only put DH on it recently) The rent and service charges come out of my own bank account in my own name. They have only my phone number and my email address for any communication (my email address contains only my own name) and I am the only person anyone at the estate has ever spoken to. Yet last week, when they emailed me to say they're changing the company who retain our deposit, the email began "Dear DH's Name"..........🙄
sigh

I had exactly the same even though now DH were I were DPs at the time and different surnames. I took the membership out, in my name, my bank account, and they persisted in always writing to him. We gave up membership eventually as dissatisfied on other counts too, to do with lack of care of their wildlife rich habitats, and more recent woke issues, but am shocked to hear they are still doing this. It is 2023 not 1723.

First world problems are still problems. They may not be starvation problems, but it can still be death by a thousand cuts.

It's subtly putting women in their place and it is not on. I would be pissed off at all these instances. If we aren't, then it's our daughters who'll have to endure the continuous inequality next. Fuck.that.shit.

Same experience with Barclays.