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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask school to remove photos

227 replies

WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 21:38

We decided not to put any photos of our children on social media until they are old to enough to consent to it themselves. We don't have them on our facebook pages and have asked family not to either. The reasons for this are privacy mainly, although there is also a safety aspect - though this is not the main concern.

My son started school last week and I requested no photos on social media or the school website. Now the school have posted several pictures of my son on Facebook - they are taken from behind or the side so don't show his face but it's still recognisably him as several people have commented to me. The photos are of a small number of children - 2 or 3 - not as part of a larger group.

I feel they shouldn't have done this and feel inclined to ask them to take the pictures down - however unfortunately this school is constantly putting stuff on Facebook - the whole of last year's reception class were on there most weeks, often with their work and their name showing. I am worried that if I say no pictures that my son will feel singled out and will never be picked for anything - he will never get a leading role in the school play for example, and will have to stand to the side every time they take photos - which is at least weekly.

I do think the amount they post on facebook is completely inappropriate, I would be happy with photos on a password protected page visible only to parents but not open to the public. I would be less happy but ok with occasional photos as part of a large group on SM. I really hate the idea that anyone who wants can track my child's progress through primary school!

Has anyone experienced similar and what did you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:44

UneFoisAuChalet · 09/09/2023 22:33

I rarely if ever post pictures of my kids on SM. A) I can’t be arsed and B) I’m not a performative parent so I don’t seek the ‘approval’ of others to confirm I’m doing a good job parenting my kids.

However, whenever my kids have been on their school’s Facebook pages, I take great pleasure in the attention. My kids have done something outstanding and the school wants to share their achievement with the wider public. What’s not to like? And the kids like it as well - they’re getting praised on their science project, their litter picking excursion, their sporting win.

It’s not mum posting pics of them eating crepes on pancake day.

Unless there’s a veritable reason you don’t want pics of your kid on social media, it all sounds a bit precious.

Your point B contradicts the rest of your post somewhat

Primary kids aren't on SM so they can just as well get the praise etc without it - it is of no benefit to them, only to you!

Also hope this doesn't come across as too miserable but these achievements are not that remarkable. Schools will try to ensure that every child gets recognised and praised at different times. Things like litter picking and science projects are only of interest to family/close friends/the school community so why the need to share with random internet strangers?

OP posts:
ell87 · 09/09/2023 22:45

Before a school is allowed to post pictures of your child they're supposed to send out consent forms.
My children's primary school would cover childrens faces who didn't have permission, with big smiley face emojis.
If you haven't consented for the photos then you can ask for them to be removed as it goes against school policy.

Nicesalad · 09/09/2023 22:45

f you don’t want your child to be in any uploaded photos at all even if it’s just the back of his head I think that is a reasonable request but you probably will have to be explicit about this

Of course it's a reasonable request! How can it not be? How have we got to the point when taking photos of children at school and posting them online is in any way reasonable? School should be a safe zone, somewhere children can relax, learn and enjoy themselves.

There aren't many adults who would enjoy their boss taking their photo of them working ( and examples of their work) several times a week and posting it online

ShipSpace · 09/09/2023 22:45

The video link above is vital viewing for anyone that thinks social media photos are no big deal

Cyclingmummy1 · 09/09/2023 22:45

20% of my class last year didn't have consent for photos - they stood out when we took photos for SM and marketing. It's the most practical option.

Hollyppp · 09/09/2023 22:46

YABU his face isn’t in it. It’s the back of his head FFS

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:46

Reugny · 09/09/2023 22:44

Not necessarily.

We didn't tell my DD's childcare providers about her safety being threatened until after it happened, even though we were cautious from the beginning as it was a possibility.

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Well you can't really complain about them if you aren't going to share important safeguarding information with them. That really isn't their fault.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/09/2023 22:46

The reasons for the OP declining permission are completely irrelevant.

If a parent doesn’t give consent that’s that.

DorothyWhippleFan · 09/09/2023 22:47

@TomAllenWife some of us have different parenting experiences to yours. I am the adoptive parent to two non-birth related children, both of whom have highly dangerous sets of birth parents (think major child abuse scandals of recent years). There is no way I allow any photos of my kids. I am not on any social media and I name change regularly here.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/09/2023 22:48

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:46

Well you can't really complain about them if you aren't going to share important safeguarding information with them. That really isn't their fault.

Show quote history

When it comes to photos it doesn’t matter why someone says no.

If they say no photos then that’s the end of it.

And schools and childcare settings should also be aware that people who say no often have a back story they are not ready or able to share.

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:48

ItsNotRocketSalad · 09/09/2023 22:36

So an employer in 20 years' time will see a 20-year-old photo of the back of someone's head and think, "Oh, that must be Jack because he's the only ginger person in the world. Hang on, are you telling me he was in school once?? I must fire him immediately."

You're being illogical.

Show quote history

That would be illogical but that is not what I said

OP posts:
Wakintoblueskies · 09/09/2023 22:49

HarrietSchulenberg · 09/09/2023 22:10

All my children had the "no photos" box ticked on their data sheets at admission and all their schools followed it. It didn't stop one of them from being picked for school performances. It did mean that one of them couldn't be in the newspaper with the cast of the Y6 play, and he was playing in the lead. School tried to contact me to check but I was at work and couldn't answer, and I would have consented on that occasion. He had to sit and watch his mates have their pics taken from the side. He's 20 now and hasn't let me forget it.

So you would have been ok with his photo being published in a newspaper but not in the school's publications? I cannot understand this illogical thought process.

NeedToThinkOfOne · 09/09/2023 22:49

crumblingschools · 09/09/2023 21:52

The Facebook page is likely their window to the local community and prospective parents.

Facebook is global and commercial, there’s nothing authentic local community about it.
A local school website will be of interest to the micro local school community, so the need for pictures of school life is justified.
An exception to that is a private school, who would run their presence on social media as a commercial interest for prospective parents. Why a local state primary has to continually post on social media is questionable though.

Araminta34 · 09/09/2023 22:51

I really hate the idea that anyone who wants can track my child's progress through primary school

I can't believe you would think that anyone would be interested in "tracking your son's progress through primary school.' Especially as they can't actually track his progress from a photo of the back of his head.

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:51

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/09/2023 22:48

When it comes to photos it doesn’t matter why someone says no.

If they say no photos then that’s the end of it.

And schools and childcare settings should also be aware that people who say no often have a back story they are not ready or able to share.

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If people do not share safeguarding information with the school then they are not safeguarding their own children. It really is vital that information is shared between authorities.

menopausalbloat · 09/09/2023 22:52

We're not allowed to take pics at school plays, so I'd be livid if mine were on Facebook.

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:53

Honestly, social media pictures are really just for Ofsted.

CapEBarra · 09/09/2023 22:54

Unless your child is Harry Styles literally nobody gives a shit about his back. Ask them to take it down if it is causing you this much anxiety.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/09/2023 22:56

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:51

If people do not share safeguarding information with the school then they are not safeguarding their own children. It really is vital that information is shared between authorities.

Show quote history

That may be so, but it happens and schools are aware of it happening and, in decent schools, they keep it in mind with safeguarding.

If a parent says no photos then it should be no photos. No “Mary is 100% no photos because her Mum has a good reason, but Billy is fine from behind as his is just being picky”. That’s not their choice to make.

Charmatt · 09/09/2023 22:56

Personal data is not restricted to specific things like faces in photos. If there is enough personal data available for people to work out the identity of a child then they have published without consent. It is important that schools only publish with consent so you are quite within your rights to ask them to take the images down.

Part of my job is to be the Data Protection Officer for a Multi Academy Trust and I would view this as a clear data breach.

For those who don't understand, there may be very good reasons that consent is refused. Fleeing domestic violence, a custody order, adoption, witness protection, being estranged from family, etc. If a parent refuses consent, you should presume there is a good reason and not judge.

OP you should speak to the headteacher.

Starlightstarbright2 · 09/09/2023 22:56

i had to refuse my Ds’s pictures for safety reasons .. and I did email and get it done I was concerned as it was over summer holiday and it was just him . They apologised and removed it .

but other than like the pp said assume your child has ginger hair . I can’t see why you are bothered..

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/09/2023 22:57

ApplePlantagenet · 09/09/2023 22:53

Honestly, social media pictures are really just for Ofsted.

Yet it Ofsted discover they’ve included children they have no consent for they’ll find their safeguarding massively called into question…

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:57

Thanks for the range of responses.

I think my attitude is coloured by having been stalked as a student - this was before facebook became popular, but this person made a lot of effort to find out where I was living. He ended up being reported to the police for harrassing university staff as he was so persistent in trying to get my address.

He is not a risk now but the idea that someone like that would be able to find out stuff about my children online is quite chilling. Even if it's innocuous pictures.

Once you've experienced something like that it does open your eyes a bit to the possibilities of the internet.

OP posts:
AlvaLane · 09/09/2023 22:59

WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:44

Your point B contradicts the rest of your post somewhat

Primary kids aren't on SM so they can just as well get the praise etc without it - it is of no benefit to them, only to you!

Also hope this doesn't come across as too miserable but these achievements are not that remarkable. Schools will try to ensure that every child gets recognised and praised at different times. Things like litter picking and science projects are only of interest to family/close friends/the school community so why the need to share with random internet strangers?

Show quote history

Things like litter picking and science projects are only of interest to family/close friends/the school community so why the need to share with random internet strangers?

Ofsted carry out media searches as part of their prep for inspections. SM is an easy way to build an evidence trail of all of the parts of school life, that should be happening, over time.

In inspection, I was asked a question about the achievement of one child - and couldn't think where the inspection team had got their information - it was from a school SM post.

Safeguarding a priority, however.