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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask school to remove photos

227 replies

WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 21:38

We decided not to put any photos of our children on social media until they are old to enough to consent to it themselves. We don't have them on our facebook pages and have asked family not to either. The reasons for this are privacy mainly, although there is also a safety aspect - though this is not the main concern.

My son started school last week and I requested no photos on social media or the school website. Now the school have posted several pictures of my son on Facebook - they are taken from behind or the side so don't show his face but it's still recognisably him as several people have commented to me. The photos are of a small number of children - 2 or 3 - not as part of a larger group.

I feel they shouldn't have done this and feel inclined to ask them to take the pictures down - however unfortunately this school is constantly putting stuff on Facebook - the whole of last year's reception class were on there most weeks, often with their work and their name showing. I am worried that if I say no pictures that my son will feel singled out and will never be picked for anything - he will never get a leading role in the school play for example, and will have to stand to the side every time they take photos - which is at least weekly.

I do think the amount they post on facebook is completely inappropriate, I would be happy with photos on a password protected page visible only to parents but not open to the public. I would be less happy but ok with occasional photos as part of a large group on SM. I really hate the idea that anyone who wants can track my child's progress through primary school!

Has anyone experienced similar and what did you do?

OP posts:
user1497864954 · 09/09/2023 21:53

I think you are being inconsistent. First you object to the side/back of your child's head being shown, then right at the end of the OP you imply you wouldn't mind photos if they were less frequent. As another poster stated, could the photo you object to be used as identification if he went missing. I think the answer to the latter is clearly no. You can ask for your child to be excluded but be prepared for your child to be upset because they will soon realise that they are being treated differently. I experienced it as a Guider. A child asked why she was always at the side of or missing from a photo and I eventually had to explain that I was complying with her parents wishes. She was very sad.

Excited101 · 09/09/2023 21:54

You’re being overly precious about this, what do you think is going to happen?

choose your battles.

Rudolphthefrog · 09/09/2023 21:55

WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 21:50

They have this as well already so I'm not sure why they need such a heavy SM presence really. Who do they think will want to look at the pictures and why, except the parents? It's all a bit odd

Show quote history

Prospective parents. It’s basically advertising. Plus usually Tapestry etc is only in EYFS, so social media or the school website is the only way parents of older kids see photos. Weekly photos of a class though seems like overkill.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 09/09/2023 21:55

@user1497864954 ah I thought that might happen, as I said upthread

Very sad. Not great for a child's self esteem

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 21:57

This reply has been deleted

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Interesting response.... different viewpoint fine but why so rude?

As for who is interested... who knows - if no one is interested in looking at pictures of school children then there's no need to put them on there, is there? I am not saying people will be more interested in mine than any other!

OP posts:
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/09/2023 21:57

If you can't see his face I think you are being a bit precious to be honest. But if it bothers you, he's your child and you have the right to ask them to take it down.

ZadocPDederick · 09/09/2023 21:59

I am worried that if I say no pictures that my son will feel singled out and will never be picked for anything - he will never get a leading role in the school play for example, and will have to stand to the side every time they take photos - which is at least weekly.

Well, yes, that is what will happen.

What harm are you worried about your son suffering as a result of these photos being published?

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:03

user1497864954 · 09/09/2023 21:53

I think you are being inconsistent. First you object to the side/back of your child's head being shown, then right at the end of the OP you imply you wouldn't mind photos if they were less frequent. As another poster stated, could the photo you object to be used as identification if he went missing. I think the answer to the latter is clearly no. You can ask for your child to be excluded but be prepared for your child to be upset because they will soon realise that they are being treated differently. I experienced it as a Guider. A child asked why she was always at the side of or missing from a photo and I eventually had to explain that I was complying with her parents wishes. She was very sad.

Well, I don't want them on there at all BUT if it was twice a year/part of a big group/less obviously them I would let it go.

I used to be in Guides and they rarely took photos, I don't recall the lack of photos detracting from the experience. Why not just take fewer photos? I think it's poor that you are prioritising pointless photos over a child's enjoyment of the group.

But yes this is my worry really. Although the child will probably be grateful to her parents when she's older!

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2023 22:04

The school are being unreasonable here, you've not consented to his photos on social media, that includes photos showing his back and side. Absolutely contact them and remind them that you have not consented to this and to remove them immediately.

I also do not post my children on Social Media and also opt out of photos being uploaded to SM by other organisations and every single one of them has complied without any complaint.

He's your son and it's your choice to protect his privacy, do not feel worried or awkward about asking the school to remove them.

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:09

Excited101 · 09/09/2023 21:54

You’re being overly precious about this, what do you think is going to happen?

choose your battles.

Why is it precious to want to protect a child's online privacy?

I am thinking of my child and not about myself. If I was being selfish I like to see cute pictures of my son and show them off to everyone - as I'm sure we all would!

What battle would you say is worth fighting?

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 09/09/2023 22:10

All my children had the "no photos" box ticked on their data sheets at admission and all their schools followed it. It didn't stop one of them from being picked for school performances. It did mean that one of them couldn't be in the newspaper with the cast of the Y6 play, and he was playing in the lead. School tried to contact me to check but I was at work and couldn't answer, and I would have consented on that occasion. He had to sit and watch his mates have their pics taken from the side. He's 20 now and hasn't let me forget it.

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:10

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2023 22:04

The school are being unreasonable here, you've not consented to his photos on social media, that includes photos showing his back and side. Absolutely contact them and remind them that you have not consented to this and to remove them immediately.

I also do not post my children on Social Media and also opt out of photos being uploaded to SM by other organisations and every single one of them has complied without any complaint.

He's your son and it's your choice to protect his privacy, do not feel worried or awkward about asking the school to remove them.

Thank you, this feels like the voice of reason

OP posts:
user1497864954 · 09/09/2023 22:11

WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:03

Well, I don't want them on there at all BUT if it was twice a year/part of a big group/less obviously them I would let it go.

I used to be in Guides and they rarely took photos, I don't recall the lack of photos detracting from the experience. Why not just take fewer photos? I think it's poor that you are prioritising pointless photos over a child's enjoyment of the group.

But yes this is my worry really. Although the child will probably be grateful to her parents when she's older!

Show quote history

There were not many photos taken at Guiding events. Usually special events. That is why the child noticed that she was excluded every time. I don't know how she gets on with her parents but I noticed on fb photos of her now grown up with her own children so I suspect that no she didn't thank her parents because she certainly has not followed their example.

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 09/09/2023 22:16

There was a long thread on here recently about how this generation growing up may not thank their parents for their online presence growing up. And a really thought provoking video about the dangers of a child’s digital footprint. I wish I could find it to link it, because the majority of the posters were against sharing a child’s image, with many finding it exploitative, and a lot of questions around consent.

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:16

This reply has been deleted

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That makes no sense... How do I fight myself if I am the biggest danger???
Also internet safety is not pathetic. You may have a different view but your response suggests you haven't even considered it.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/09/2023 22:19

I’m a teacher, at my school if a child doesn’t have photo permissions they might still appear in photos in group photos where they aren’t identifiable, so the back of their head might be included for example, or with an emoji over the face. Obviously in these cases they might still be identifiable by parents or people who know them well and see them regularly enough to recognise haircuts or specific items of clothing etc. We do have a couple of students in the school who have stricter permissions and don’t appear in any uploaded photos at all, even if their face isn’t visible, at parents request. If you don’t want your child to be in any uploaded photos at all even if it’s just the back of his head I think that is a reasonable request but you probably will have to be explicit about this and communicate this preference to the class teacher, she has probably assumed so long as your sons face isn’t visible it would be fine as for most parents (in my school at least) that’s their main concern.

clpsmum · 09/09/2023 22:20

Thegoodbadandugly · 09/09/2023 21:41

If you can't see your childs face I'm not sure what the problem is.

This

Outnumberedbyboys2 · 09/09/2023 22:22

My child's school you have to sign a form consenting to photographs. If you haven't given consent they shouldn't be uploading pictures of your child. Some people don't give consent for very serious reasons. (For example if a child is in foster care or has abusive relatives that are supposed to be no contact.) At sports days and nativity plays we are reminded not to share photographs of other people's children online and just to zoom in on our own children/not take pictures till the end when any children who need to be removed from the stage first can go.
It's really bad for a school to ignore a request for no photographs.

PlipPlopChoo · 09/09/2023 22:23

If this is only the back of is head are you really going to kick up a fuss?

Bibbitybobbitty · 09/09/2023 22:23

Contact them & ask to take down. Our school asks permissions for different types of use - happy for in school use & parents newsletters or similar but not for social media. Not just our choice but my 3 teens all detest SM in any form

Excited101 · 09/09/2023 22:23

The odd picture on a school site won’t make any difference to anything, if you don’t want to post reems of photos of them on social media then that’s your call but a few photos by the school- especially if you can’t even see their face, what actual difference will it make?

Original poster
WillowCraft · 09/09/2023 22:23

clpsmum · 09/09/2023 22:20

This

Show quote history

The problem is that he is still identifiable to anyone who knows him/has seen him around/potentially to those who may know him in future (distinctive colouring/hair).

OP posts:
user1497864954 · 09/09/2023 22:24

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 09/09/2023 22:16

There was a long thread on here recently about how this generation growing up may not thank their parents for their online presence growing up. And a really thought provoking video about the dangers of a child’s digital footprint. I wish I could find it to link it, because the majority of the posters were against sharing a child’s image, with many finding it exploitative, and a lot of questions around consent.

I do not disagree with a single word of what you say here but the OP is objecting to photos not showing her child's face. He was only recognised by other people because they already know the family. There is nothing to suggest that his name was given so I fail to see how this photo can be included in a digital footprint of this child. I think those telling the OP to pick her battles are just pointing out she is one week into 14 years of compulsory education . I suspect in time this won't be the biggest issue she has to discuss with her child's school.

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 09/09/2023 22:25

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It's not about someone being interested in a kid. It's about safety.

I've done the same with my children due to who their grandparent is and I would be livid if school did this, even if it was just from the side or behind. I'd be asking them to take it down and probably reporting them to ofsted / governors or similar as no photos on social media means just that, side on or from behind doesn't matter, they have still posted the child on there

Rayaandthedragon · 09/09/2023 22:25

@Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream
I know exactly what you are speaking of and fully agree - the video was incredibly eye-opening in a terrifying way.