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Original poster

Husbands allergy is driving me mad

71 replies

DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 09:36

I will start by saying that I KNOW myself that I’m unreasonable but at this point I think I just need to vent and let it all out.
So my DH has a dust mite allergy and he’s also very sensitive to any strong smells - perfume, body lotions, also the heat from heating in the winter, hairdryer, straightening iron etc.
He’s been to GP many times but they are pretty useless and just prescribe him various antihistamines and sprays which doesn’t help at all. He’s been pushing for referral for allergy specialist but they don’t wanna do it. Finally he went private and had a appointment 3 days ago. He put some camera in his nose and will do blood tests and face X-ray or MRI or something, I’m not sure. Anyways…
Why I’m writing this post is I’m so tired of all the moaning all the time about everything. I understand it’s not his fault and I’m understanding - I don’t dry or straightening my hair near him etc. But it’s the constant moaning that gets me. Everything always smells. There’s a dust everywhere. House always smells, car smells, EVERYTHING SMELLS.

We live on a busy road, 1st floor, there’s cars passing 24/7. We have one bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room on the road side and we are not allowed to open any of those windows. Only 2nd bedroom and living room window which is facing the other way. It’s hot, boiling hot. All windows are shut closed and we have a sun shining into. And then he goes into other bedroom and complain that it stinks. Of course it stinks because its boarded shut and there’s no fresh air at all. Or in fact anywhere in the house, there’s no air circulation from 2 small windows.
Its the constant complain, like nonstop which makes me crazy not the allergy itself!

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 09/09/2023 09:38

He can’t help his allergies but he can help
how he deals with them. I would not be living with someone who moaned all the time.

BoobsOnTheMoon · 09/09/2023 09:40

That sounds more like a sensory issue than an allergy issue tbh. Does he have any other sensory type foibles?

My mother is very VERY similar. As teenagers we had to keep and use our deodorant in the bloody garage! She's only got worse with age, too. She nearly threw me out of her car a few years ago because I'd eaten a polo mint before getting in and the residual minty smell was too strong for her Hmm

One of my DC is autistic with sensory processing difficulties and I now strongly suspect my mother is too.

TheAOEAztec · 09/09/2023 09:41

Freezing pillows
Air purifier which would allow for proper airing and then clearing the air. Ahort burta airing is the best.

Honestly, he should live probably further from the road, but that's easier said than done. I kind of get why he moans if hos condition is that bad, but it absolutely cannot be eaay to live with so feel for you

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/09/2023 09:42

If he lives further from the road, he's going to end up getting hayfever!

How is he affected by your hair tongs? I can't understand that at all.

missmollygreen · 09/09/2023 09:43

Im sure it's more annoying for your DH

topcat2014 · 09/09/2023 09:47

I have asthma, allergies (and on strong drugs for eczema) but surely no one is allergic to hair tongs?

Original poster
DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 09:48

I don’t know if it’s sensory because he gets all the allergy symptoms, and they are pretty much 24/7 - runny nose, red, crying eyes, cough etc.

@determinedtomakethiswork

Its the heat from the straightening iron that irritates him, same as hairdryer. He always says that he can smell it so I need to do my hair when he’s not home or board myself in the bedroom with open window and closed doors.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 09/09/2023 09:49

It's not just allergies, it sounds like he has sensory issues around those things too.

But it is horrible when you have allergies to be in an environment which actively triggers them. I think that it might be worth investing in air purifiers and air conditioning at home, rather than him insisting on you both living in a hot stuffy box.

I don't know what the point of a facial mri or a camera up the nose is for allergies. I can't see how that would be relevant.

RoseslnTheHospital · 09/09/2023 09:51

Does he take antihistamines regularly and do any of the medicated eye drops improve his eyes at all?

Original poster
DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 09:56

@RoseslnTheHospital

Yes he does. He had various eye drops and antihistamines and throat sprays what else but they never help even if taken regularly for a required time. That’s why we were pushing for a allergy specialist which they were not really happy about.

OP posts:
TheAOEAztec · 09/09/2023 09:58

Tbh I can smell hairdryer especially if the filter hasn't been cleaned. I did smell other heat tools on hair too, but not to a poimt of irritation. I thought everyone can

AgnesX · 09/09/2023 09:58

missmollygreen · 09/09/2023 09:43

Im sure it's more annoying for your DH

Of course it's hard for him but he doesn't need to make it so hard for his partner does he. Constant low level whinging is very wearing (and as an allergy sufferer I do empathise).

They should be looking at the practicalities without the histrionics. Self help like diet and environmental changes will help rule causes out. I'm sure they've already done that but if they haven't....

Original poster
DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 10:00

@TheAOEAztec

Yes, I can smell the “heat” too coming from it, but it doesn’t bother me or irritate. But for him it results in severe sneezing and crying reaction.

OP posts:
Cheeesus · 09/09/2023 10:01

I think he’s conflating the smell of things that cause an allergic reaction, with things he can just smell. And he’s getting anxious about being able to smell in case it causes the allergic reaction. I think some of these things he will need to tolerate, eg use of hair tongs.

TropicalTrama · 09/09/2023 10:01

Poor guy sounds horrific but in all honestly I couldn’t live like that. I’d need air conditioning and purifiers to stay in the relationship!

Cheeesus · 09/09/2023 10:03

With a hairdryer, it might be the dust that causes irritation. Then the tongs smell similar and he gets upset. Maybe? I don’t know but I can see how tongs cause an allergic reaction.

I wonder if you can try and split some of it out and find some things that are actually ok.

TheAOEAztec · 09/09/2023 10:04

DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 10:00

@TheAOEAztec

Yes, I can smell the “heat” too coming from it, but it doesn’t bother me or irritate. But for him it results in severe sneezing and crying reaction.

Do you clean your hairdryer? Mum's swnt me kvwr the edge when I visited her. She never cleaned the filter in the back.
The reat can be maybe the product evaporation but yeah, it's really extreme. Feel for both of you.

nicknamehelp · 09/09/2023 10:04

I was like this then i cut gluten and lactose out of diet and allergy cleared up.

continentallentil · 09/09/2023 10:06

That sounds more like a sensory issue than an allergy issue tbh. Does he have any other sensory type foibles?

I was going to say this.. it’s unusual for a dust allergy not to be helped at all by standard treatment.

In the meantime, I would talk to hun about stopping the moaning, and also that rooms need to be aired for everyones health. Get an air con unit if the windows have to be closed later. The house can’t revolve around him.

Wozzzzzaa · 09/09/2023 10:06

One of my kids has a fairly bad dust allergy but it's managed fine with regular antihistamines, I imagine keeping windows closed etc would only make the dust worse?

The smells thing is a totally different issue though and I wouldn't be putting up with that. Being able to smell things is one thing but sneezing and crying over it is ridiculous. Do you think he has sensory issues? Is there an adult version of the sensory ladder that he could try?

continentallentil · 09/09/2023 10:08

DreamOnDream · 09/09/2023 09:56

@RoseslnTheHospital

Yes he does. He had various eye drops and antihistamines and throat sprays what else but they never help even if taken regularly for a required time. That’s why we were pushing for a allergy specialist which they were not really happy about.

Do you think the GP might think it’s psychological? It’s not unusual for these treatments not to help enough, but it is unusual for them not to help at all.

SM4713 · 09/09/2023 10:09

I wonder if he has an bacterial/fungal infection in his sinuses and that is actually what he is smelling?

Do you have carpet? Strip that out and get floor boards or similar. Carpet can harbour dust mites. Get an air filter. We lived on a busy road in central London. We bought a Swiss IQ Air machine. Anything small and cheap won't be effective at all. Buy the biggest machine you can. After about 30mins we could really tell the difference in the air. It just felt fresher and cleaner. Possibly psychosomatic, but they are one of the best brands you can get.

Also look up ways to reduce allergens in the home. Lots of asthma website have tips too.

Allergy Air Purifiers - Allergy Cosmos

Allergy Air Purifiers

Allergy Air Purifiers

https://allergycosmos.co.uk/collections/allergy-air-purifiers

Wozzzzzaa · 09/09/2023 10:09

Also, is your dh willing to tackle the smells problem? If not, and he just wants the house to revolve around him, then the crux of the matter is that he's happy for everyone else to live in misery while he ploughs on getting his own way

MsFrost · 09/09/2023 10:09

Cheeesus · 09/09/2023 10:01

I think he’s conflating the smell of things that cause an allergic reaction, with things he can just smell. And he’s getting anxious about being able to smell in case it causes the allergic reaction. I think some of these things he will need to tolerate, eg use of hair tongs.

I agree. Allergies can spiral into sensory issues and anxiety too.

Someone in my family is like this with anxiety around any kind of allergens. He does have allergies, but they aren't as bad as he thinks they are - his anxiety makes it worse. We tested it once having a dog in the house for most of the day whilst he was out - when he got back we didn't say and he didn't notice anything. But if he had known there had been a dog there, guaranteed he would have had a reaction.

That's not to say it's not real, but some of it is psychosomatic.

How you deal with that I don't really know! It's just very difficult.

TheAOEAztec · 09/09/2023 10:10

By the way did he ever try desloratadine tablets? Only ones which worked for my allergies!