Husbands allergy is driving me mad

[DreamOnDream]

I will start by saying that I KNOW myself that I’m unreasonable but at this point I think I just need to vent and let it all out.
So my DH has a dust mite allergy and he’s also very sensitive to any strong smells - perfume, body lotions, also the heat from heating in the winter, hairdryer, straightening iron etc.
He’s been to GP many times but they are pretty useless and just prescribe him various antihistamines and sprays which doesn’t help at all. He’s been pushing for referral for allergy specialist but they don’t wanna do it. Finally he went private and had a appointment 3 days ago. He put some camera in his nose and will do blood tests and face X-ray or MRI or something, I’m not sure. Anyways…
Why I’m writing this post is I’m so tired of all the moaning all the time about everything. I understand it’s not his fault and I’m understanding - I don’t dry or straightening my hair near him etc. But it’s the constant moaning that gets me. Everything always smells. There’s a dust everywhere. House always smells, car smells, EVERYTHING SMELLS.

We live on a busy road, 1st floor, there’s cars passing 24/7. We have one bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room on the road side and we are not allowed to open any of those windows. Only 2nd bedroom and living room window which is facing the other way. It’s hot, boiling hot. All windows are shut closed and we have a sun shining into. And then he goes into other bedroom and complain that it stinks. Of course it stinks because its boarded shut and there’s no fresh air at all. Or in fact anywhere in the house, there’s no air circulation from 2 small windows.
Its the constant complain, like nonstop which makes me crazy not the allergy itself!

They definitely are when you have a bad case. I have an autoimmune chronic illness and severe allergies and my allergies are far more debiltating and problematic in my life than my official chronic illness.

I was unfortunately listening to piers Morgan the other day and he was talking about his allergies he had for years .turns out his was caused by pollution not hay fever as he thought but he now has 8 purifiers in the house and says it has changed his life . Must say we bought one when my husband had problems and it did help .

We’ve been living in this place for years but his allergies got worse only in the last 2ish years maybe to the point that there’s never been a day when he’s actually feeling good and not constantly sneezing and generally not feeling well. Also, it gets significantly worse after sex, like his eyes would start getting teary and all the nose/eyes area feels full.
We don’t have carpets in the house, we clean it, there’s no black mould or anything. I did consider getting an air purifier at some point but kinda I guess forgot about it so definitely I will go back to look at that.
The windows are banned from opening because he says the dust from the outside comes into the house and he can smell it. But at the same time the house is so stuffed and there’s no fresh air at all that even I feel when coming from outside and I tried to explain that to him but he still insists of keeping them shut except for the 2 windows on the other side of the house.
You know those little paper strips they give you for perfume? He can’t smell those, sends him into sneezing fit but somehow I can still use my perfume around him and it doesn’t trigger it.
The antihistamines and sprays and drops the GP prescribed, like I say doesn’t work so the private doctor prescribed him some medicine which I think he didn’t pick up yet.
On the email he got it from the doctors it says that he has CHRONIC RHINITIS. He has ordered some blood work, an allergy test ( there was an abbreviation for it which I can’t remember now ), and a CT scan.l, presumably for his face area.

I really do feel for him because most of the time he looks exhausted, with stuffed nose and sneezing fits and watery eyes.

Levoit air purifiers are pretty efficient and not too expensive, it’s worth looking into.

If he's got dust mite allergy primarily the best thing is to have all the windows open!! Agree with PP that carpet is the worst. My DH has the same allergy and it is really aggravated when we visit the UK and stay in carpeted homes. Nearly finished him off when we stayed in my parents' ancient, dusty, carpeted and full of old books cottage in the winter a few years ago. It was never as bad in the summer with lots of windows open. It seems like he still needs to narrow down what his allergies are and as if there may be several but there is actually effective treatment for these types of allergies. My DH had treatment (periodical injections over a couple of years) and is definitely much improved. He had this privately through his health insurance in the EU, I wouldn't hold out much hope for the NHS covering anything similar. But I think you/he should know that it could be much better, it sounds really quite acute currently. And it's clearly affecting you too. It sounds very hard to live with but I suppose he probably constantly feels a bit rubbish and ill.

I break out in hives and rashes from “smells” and from heat. Some of the rashes last 6 weeks and are so bad they induce suicidal ideation and obsessions of cutting off my skin.

the Allergist referral is key. It helps figure out the specific ingredients that are causing the reactions. I’m now on biologic injections in addition to the antihistamines and sprays. I also carry epipens now because it’s a progressive allergy and it’s gotten to the point that my lips and airway swell from certain scent exposures plus I now have food allergies which are getting worse.

keeping the house closed is an absolute necessity. We never open the windows. You need to get air conditioning though. We also recently installed a whole home air filtration system and it has helped cut down on my reactions as well.

my household members mostly have to use products from my safe list, though a few that don’t go airborne are ok.

If this is happening to your husband, the only option is to pursue treatment aggressively and to do your best to turn your home into a safe place for him. It will be the only place on the world that he isn’t at risk.

Just to add, there are certain washing powders, deodorants, dishwasher liquids, shower gels and shampoos that smell much much less. Some contain allergens.

Are you considering these? Ecover pretty good in this area.

I might be wrong but it doesn't sound like he's being very proactive. You're the one trying to minimise, find suitable products, find causes etc. He needs to do his own investigations and purchases then he would feel more in control on what works and what doesn't.

Definitely get air purifiers. I have six running at all times and I also have a small portable one that I take when I go to other peoples houses. They make the most difference from anything I have tried. Windows open are an issue if he is allergic to pollen or grasses / trees. He really needs proper testing to know what he reacts most too. Once your response system is activated every little thing makes it worse so you have to get to the bottom of it and deal with the worst offenders.

Wanted to add that if he has reactions after sex, it is because he is picking up allergens from your body. That is why DH uses products almost exclusively from my safe list while our teenager has a little more wiggle room .

I really would encourage him to pursue a proper investigation aggressively even if it means going private. If that isn’t possible or is going to take time, get him on the SkinSafe app and start purging your house. The same principals apply to rhinitis reactions.

He also needs to implement a cleaning routine to keep dust under control. When we stir up even a tiny bit of dust at home my sneezing could wake the dead and I just fill tissue after tissue. No idea where so much snot can come from.

This is me! I have dust mite allergies and perfumes / strong smells set me off too.

I was referred to the allergy clinic and it’s amazing as I had treatment. The blood test will determine how severe the allergy is. Anything above IGE 1/2 is an allergy. Mine was 60 so had immunotherapy which was life changing.

Can you get rid of carpets, soft furnishings etc to help?

With air purifiers you have to keep ALL windows closed. Otherwise they can't purify the air in your house.

You can also get an ionised air filter that basically makes dust and other particles in the air heavy and drop. They drop on all surfaces so you need to dust, however, with a robot hoover set on a lot can also be picked up. Reduces a bit the housework load. That's in addition to one with a hepa filter.

He definitely can’t help the allergies including the “heat” ones but he can help the moaning. Maybe a course of CBT would help him come to terms with things.
You need to invest in some good air purifiers in the house.

When you say he takes everything prescribed, what exactly has he been prescribed and at what dose?
His symptoms sound quite severe but the gp could have just given their first option.

Has he considered the kenalog steroid injection? Used to be on the nhs but now only privately available. For some people one jab can hold back symptoms for 6 months, sometimes with prescription meds on top.

Get a massive airpurifier.
Also if he is up for alternative therapies try Health Kinesiology as well known for reducing allergy reaction. My friend who did home massages had a dog allergy and she used Health Kinesiology to eliminate her reactions.

Does he work, go out of the house?

I have chronic rhinitis I was born with it and finally diagnoses at 14. It goes in a 7 year cycles where you have a few years of not so bad, then a bad year or so then it few years of not so bad again then the cycle begins again.

I can't use antihistamines as the drowsy put me to sleep for 8 hours and the non drowsy make me vomit and my nose lining is too sensitive for sprays. But you know what I just get on with life because I have too, and yes sometimes its hard.

And yes I still have my doors and windows open, my family use sprays and perfumes. I just have to get on with everything. And spend a fortune on tissues.

When he gets the sprays does he use them religiously? DH has allergies and the steroid nasal spray changed his life, he has to take it every day, he soon flares up again if he misses a couple of days.

This sounds like classic histamine overload to me. I’d highly recommend doing the Toxaprevent histamine protocol - it literally saved my life! (I had terrible allergies too!)

link here, but give their team a call, they’re so informative and helpful. Can’t praise them enough!
https://nouveauhealthcare.com/products/histamine-intolerance-health-pack

What the fuck? Tell him to go for a walk! That’s ridiculous.

It sounds like your DH has profound sensory issues alongside allergies, OP. There’s a body of research into ASD and allergies, here’s one paper:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7917177/

I absolutely couldn't stand this. It's not how a man should be.