Was I the arsehole?

[passionfruit7]

Last night me and my boyfriend went to an event. Whilst there, I found out some awful family news. I walked over to my boyfriend, who was sat at a table chatting, and asked him to come inside quickly. He simply said “I’m chatting” so I just said oh ok and walked away.
I told him later on and he said “I’m really sorry, I didn’t know it was serious”. I told him he could have asked, or said “are you ok” or even “in a minute”. I said his stance was rude. He apologised for this and he comforted me very much after the news.

Later on, we crash at our friends house after the event. We’re on an airbed in the front room. Their dog is in there snoring REALLY loud. After the night I had I just wanted to sleep and I became pretty distressed.
At first boyfriend comforted me and said “just try and sleep” and cuddled me, but after a few times of me commenting on how I couldn’t sleep, he said:

• “what’s complaining going to do”
• ”there’s nothing I can do” “what am I supposed to do” (taking it personally)
• ”the only thing keeping me up is you, I can sleep through it”
• “there’s nothing we can do so I’m just getting on with it and making the best of it”
• i then said after the night I had, I just wanted comfort and he said I’m using that to weaponise him

i still feel really angry. Who is the arsehole here?

Had the news been that bad and upsetting why did you carry on with the event evening? The dog snoring isn't your bfs fault and for you to keep saying you couldn't sleep, well tbh if my dh carried on like that i'd say "Look in the nicest sense possible stfu and go to sleep or at least let me sleep!" I'm a grumpy cow when I'm tired.😀
It's interesting that OP hasn't come back to drip feed or defend, maybe didn't get the response she wanted.

I think you were unreasonable on both points. He was chatting, you did interrupt and he didn't know there was a major issue and when he found out he was kind. He was also relatively patient at first when you woke him up. Your news doesn't appear to have been so bad as to mean you had to change your evening plans.

No I didn't, not once. You're jumping to conclusions in order to justify your own views. It's really quite pathetic and far more needy than you appear to think the OP is being.

FWIW I think they sound like either immature people or it's an immature (as in still early days, not found themselves yet) relationship, but neither of them deserve condemning for it.

Wow calm down.

You said:
“but not the overreaction on this thread to someone wanting some attention overnight.”

And then repeated a similar thing.

So I was just pointing out that she didn’t say she wanted attention overnight, she just wanted to sleep and he was obviously not in the wrong by saying there was nothing he can do about it.

It would have been better to give him some clue there was a problem rather than just ordering him inside quickly.

No I didn't, not once. You're jumping to conclusions in order to justify your own views. It's really quite pathetic and far more needy than you appear to think the OP is being.

But you did, at least twice?

I think you veered toward needy and dramatic with the awful news, which doesn't seem so bad you didn't go home.

If you'd then kept me awake simply because you were unable to sleep you'd be an ex girlfriend this morning.

In the first instance, when he said I'm chatting. You should have responded. No I need to talk to you now

Then you should have gone home and not slept on someone's floor.

And if you couldn't sleep, then talking to him wasn't going to improve the situation

You're doing it again. Why are you pursuing this pointless narrative (I've previously asked before why you're arguing, I ask again)? You picked issue with something I said and repeatedly accused me of stating something else (i.e. the bf was wrong for his reaction) which is demonstrably untrue. You seem incapable of grasping that there doesn't have to be a side here.

Enjoy being angry with the OP, I'll enjoy not being angry with either of them.

Guessing as it's 110 replies, all saying OP was wrong, and no reply from the OP, that she was hoping for a different response :)

As above, this really shouldn't be so difficult. You think the OP is in the wrong, I say nothing (because I can respect someone else's opinion). I don't think either of them are, you dudes get uptight.

I guess I should feel humbled my opinion matters that much to y'all 😎

Yeah can't see that he did anything wrong sorrt

You were !

I’m not arguing.

You said something that was false so I assumed you’d misunderstood/misread and let you know.

Its not arguing to point something out.

I don’t get why your replies are so hostile.
Calling someone pathetic and needy etc for pointing out your mistake is weird and a total overreaction.

The message you picked me up on was my agreement with another post that the OP 'felt' unsupported. I never agreed they were unsupported, I don't think I've disputed your point that the OP said they were struggling to sleep either?

My view was (remains) that the poster had read between the lines and there was slightly more to it that just not getting to sleep. You disagree, that's absolutely fine.

Yes both on you mate.

@RamsesTheChub @Chippy4me
Started you private bun fight room on another topic. Might want to take this there😂

No offence OP, but you do sound like a bit of a downer.

You were the arsehole I'm afraid. You interrupted him, didn't tell him why and then got pissed off that he isn't psychic and knew that something was wrong. Then giving off so that he couldn't sleep along with you, that would drive me insane and you'd have been kicked out the room if I were him

Agreed, most annoying thing in the world.

So the op never came back. I do wonder sometimes why folks ask if don’t want to know. Just think will be validated.

op, I do hope you come back and also apologise to your boyfriend.