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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not send child on school trip

96 replies

Notreligious · 09/09/2023 07:44

My child’s primary non religious school has organised a trip to a multi faith centre and I’m considering not sending my child.
The school already has a heavy influence from the local church (vicar holds regular assemblies, is a governor with no children of their own, trips to church without telling us parents) which I disagree with as a non religious school.
On the trip they would need to wear head coverings and take a vegetarian packed lunch. Neither are a problem although I am uncomfortable treating girls different with them having to wear a head covering and boys don’t.
I understand that this is more of an awareness trip to appreciate different cultures and religions but we practice that as normal decent human beings everyday.
I think my issue is more to do with the regular influence of the church rather than this trip but it just feels a step too far but I think I may be overthinking it and kids just see it as a lovely day out!

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 09/09/2023 12:03

@Seeleyboo "I do wonder if girls of other faith's would be told to remove their head covering to attend a Christian church."

Are you perhaps confusing this with the tradition of men removing their hats in church? This was never a religious requirement, more a social one. And only applied to men.

TheAOEAztec · 09/09/2023 12:04

Muslim's aren't the only ones wearing head covers...
I think all give children execption though.

RudsyFarmer · 09/09/2023 12:05

It’s pretty standard. I remember doing similar in secondary. I think you’re making it a thing where it need not be a thing.

Webmeister999 · 09/09/2023 12:11

I agree with other posters that it would be an enjoyable and useful learning experience for your children. I was brought up Christian (C of E) but am no longer a believer. However Ive always been interested in other religions and beliefs. Ive enjoyed many conversations with local people when I visited Islamic countries. I also enjoyed learning about other faiths when I was a lecturer at uni.

If you are non religious it can help your children to be able to ask respectful questions about what other people believe.

Mrburnshound · 09/09/2023 12:29

It's great for children to join in with other religion's celebrations and be exposed to other ways of doing things. Mine love Diwali with all the fun things they do at school (and I very much appreciate all the sweets being brought into the office by colleagues 🤣). DS also loves making dredls at hannukah time.

Sadly I would not be able to give permission for my DD to cover her head, this is something which requires adult understanding of women's rights and attitudes towards women to make that choice, conversely I fully support women who wish to wear them and stand up for their rights to make this possible. I choose to wear abayas when visiting beautiful mosques when i'm in the ME but I've made that choice as an adult. Covering shoulders - fine if both sexes.

Covering her head is a choice DD needs to make as an adult, so she wouldn't be going if it was compulsory, which would be odd as it's not complusory for primary aged/pre menstrual girls of any religion afaik.

Whichwhatnow · 09/09/2023 12:41

I went to a CofE primary school (my family are not religious at all, it was just the closest one) and we did a few similar trips - from memory a Sikh temple, Hindu temple and a synagogue (may have been others too).

I found them really interesting tbh! Certainly more so than the endless hymns and praying at morning assembly and our local church...

Goodbyetoauntie · 09/09/2023 12:59

Are you afraid that your child might grow up to be well rounded adult with an appreciation of faith and culture ?

StaunchMomma · 09/09/2023 13:03

I'm anti faith schools generally (although forced to have my child in one as every school in our area is CofE - very common in rural areas) but do think a rounded RE education is essential.

A school trip isn't about indoctrinating your child into a religion, it's about knowledge & understanding of different religions. I think that's really important in terms of stamping out the ignorance that lets fear and judgement of those different to ourselves fester and breed.

If indoctrination is happening anywhere in school, it's in those assemblies.

Catopia · 09/09/2023 13:43

Learning about and respecting other people's faiths is important, and that includes learning to respect the rules when you are visiting religious spaces. It may also be that the boys will be shown or leant things when entering spaces in the building to learn about, like kippahs or turbans, but that they will be provided by the centre.

HermioneWeasley · 09/09/2023 13:49

Like fuck would I allow my PRIMARY aged daughter to wear a headscarf. Ask them if they’re correct in their requirements

FofB · 09/09/2023 14:21

My child's school organised a multi-faith day when she was about 6. Lots of people came in to talk with them, do activities, share stories, explain beliefs. Sounded really interesting.

Her feedback? 'The Jewish lady brought us the best bread I've ever tasted.' 😆

EatYourVegetables · 09/09/2023 14:25

Church influence - yuck.

Vegetarian lunch - fine.

Head coverings? Absolutely fucking not. I’d go BESERK. My daughter’s hair is not offensive to any god or man.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/09/2023 14:33

It's a piece of cloth ffs. If anything it might prompt a discussion about the rights and wrongs of it. It is not going to cause any harm.

SocialistSally · 09/09/2023 14:36

I’m England there is no such thing as a non-religious school. All state schools must do collective acts of worship daily, which should be on the whole Christian. This is set out in the 1988 Education Act.

So the school are following the law in having the vicar do assemblies etc.

Balloonhearts · 09/09/2023 14:54

I think it sounds like a good idea. There is value in learning about others belief systems and stepping into their shoes.

When we learnt about the tudors we dressed as they did and visited and old tudor village. I don't really see this as any different tbh.

I went on lots of school trips to churches, mosques, temples and I'm atheist as they come but it was interesting. We were shown the Jewish bible (name escapes me) and taught to read a few words from it and it was a good trip.

In a different vein, we also had a few days at school when I was quite young so probably late 90s - early 2000s, where we took turns spending the day in a wheelchair.

I believe this was aimed at making us appreciate how difficult it is to access some places and I think it was for/initiated by a specific teacher as I remember doing a brainstorm type thing after where we shouted out suggestions on how the school could be more accessible to Miss Stone and how we could be more considerate like pushing chairs in when we got up, keeping our bags under our desks etc.

So while I don't agree with girls being forced to wear headcoverings, I do think its good to step into someone elses shoes and realise how differently they are treated in some cultures just for being girls. There's value in that lesson.

LoraPiano · 09/09/2023 15:17

Islam forces women to wear Hijab. In the middle east women were killed for refusing to wear head covering just very recently.

If they were teaching girls about oppression of women by making them wear head coverings it’s one thing, but this is about propagating and respecting this outright misogyny.

Mrsjayy · 09/09/2023 15:24

Islam doesn't force women, misogynistic men who misinterpreted things for their own ends force women to do things. Being Muslim isn't 1 hive !

Tinkerbyebye · 09/09/2023 15:43

Your child will undertake lots of visits to lots of different places

stop singling them out and allow them to go, see and understand different faiths in this case, but in all trips there is an education value

Pets4Pets · 09/09/2023 18:18

On second thought, it's weird that primary girls would be required to cover their hair, are you sure this is correct?

My dd went a sikh temple in year 7 and girls were encouraged to bring a headscarf.

I wouldn't be happy for a younger girl who is not even a preteen yet to cover her hair, they'd not understand why, they're just kids and unable to give informed consent so expecting them to wear headscarves when they're only 9 or 10 is inappropriate and abusive imo.

OCDmama · 09/09/2023 22:54

Islam is a major faith with 1 billion followers worldwide, and it is so far from homogenous. Some muslim women cover their hair, some cover their whole bodies, many don't cover up any more than western women. Whether women do or don't depends on the culture they grew up with.

It's not bigoted to decide you don't want to cover your hair and hence won't be going on the trip. You can easily respect people's religion and learn about it without participating in cultural norms you disagree with.

Pets4Pets · 10/09/2023 07:55

My dd went a sikh temple in year 7 and girls were encouraged to bring a headscarf. I should add that she wore had covering on this school trip, a lovely scarf, which she chose and she learnt a lot from this experience, it was interesting and broadened her horizon.

Girls in primary should not be expected to cover their heads as part of their school education, not even for a school trip to a religious site. It's preposterous.

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