To feel overwhelmed by school already?

[ArundelCastles]

DD starts reception on Monday. The school has sent me 6 emails in the space of two days, three of them with attached forms that need to be filled in and sent back by Monday and enough text to fill a small book. I'm already swimming in admin that I struggle to keep on top of in the best of times. I was part way through filling in one form and another one came before I'd even pressed 'send'.

They want me to buy X Y and Z for forest school, A B and C for something else. I need to remember this and that, always do this and that, speak to this person for this and that person for that. Write this, print that. Can't do this or that.

Reading record and book sent home which needs to be done by X day.

I need to do a certain amount of phonics and handwriting practicing with my child every day. Etc. I have three children, one significantly disabled and I work myself. I have long term health problems which leave me exhausted by 4pm. Where am I expected to find the time? There isn't enough hours in the day already and I'm stretched thinly as it is.

There was a letter about absence and how all illness related absence require proof from a doctor. How many of us can actually secure an appointment for the same week in this day and age? I know we can't, unless it's an emergency and we go to A&E! What happens If I can't provide 'proof'?

There's a chapter about lateness and how you may be referred to welfare and safeguarding if your child is seen to be late more than twice per term. I've got my disabled child at home who relies on council transport for school which comes to the house at 8.30am. I can't guarantee that there won't be times when we're running late. Sometimes they are late. DS school doesn't bollock the bus driver or send me all of these pushy emails

The way it was all worded sounds so gung ho and 'zero tolerance' no exceptions.

Before somebody has a pop about punctuality being important, of course it is and I would always do my level best to get her in on time but sometimes for reasons beyond our control delays happen. I think it's ridiculous that could be seen as a safeguarding issue in the absence of other factors.

I don't know whether this is in any way related to the fact I have ADHD or whether I'm being ridiculous but I just find this whole thing really, really overwhelming in a way that I didn't when DS started school.

Alot of it reads like a ticking off in advance.

Is this a me problem or does anybody else feel similarly?

Also - don't get me started on these special systems the schools use that require you to make an account but they make creating that account such a long winded and difficult process and then the blooming thing doesn't work anyway.

Busy time of the year so hopefully there won't always be this many emails - eg the forms etc.

Surely things like forest schools won't start straight away so put that at the bottom of the list and just try to deal with one thing at a time.

For the reading, genuinely any reading is great. Speak to the class teacher (probably via the main office?) if the amount of books is getting too much and see what they suggest to support you.

Your ADHD will definitely be making this more challenging for you so cut yourself some slack and just do what you can. You have a lot on your plate!

As for the Dr notes, that seems ridiculous!

I hear you ArundelCastles, and feel exactly the same.

How old are your other DCs?

My eldest DC left school donkeys years ago, and it was very different then.

I dread to think what it'll be like by the time my DGC starts.

I have 2 DCs who are still at high school and another at college, and whilst not wishing their lives away, I think life will be easier when they've all left school.

You will get into a routine, and will find the best times to do things that fit in with the natural rhythm of your family, but it's a massive adjustment for you as well as them.

I think we all anticipate that our DCs will undergo major changes and expectations will shift, but personally, I didn't factor in how much extra work it would be for me - you can't know till they start school, only then is it all laid out in relentless, and sometimes unnecessary letters and emails.

I felt that having 3 DCs at primary, whilst one was at high school like wading through treacle some days.

Hope it gets easier - I'm sure it will.

Ime experience this is what primary school is like. Secondary is a lot better. You couldn’t pay me to go through Primary again, the demands are absolutely constant.

I really sympathise OP. My DC are grown up now so I am not in your situation but I find that increasingly schools or other ‘authorities’ seem to have no idea how unpleasant and hectoring their communications are. It would wind anybody up. And it’s clear you have a lot on your plate.
Don’t let it stress you out. It will get easier as the procedures etc become better known. Just take it a bit at a time and focus on the important bits. Your child’s reading practice etc which if you can find a few quiet moments for will really help them make progress at school.
In your situation I would speak to your child’s class teacher at a convenient time or write a simple note saying you are not expecting difficulties but you do have to get your DC picked up by special bus etc so they are aware of this need you have to meet.

They can't insist you practice phonics and handwriting every day.
It's good if you can be doing these things and having things like Cbeebies comic or activity books from shops like The Works around the house will make it an easy way to practice without it seeming formal.
But they can't make it compulsory.

Is her dad around, OP?

If so, he should be doing his fair share.

Thank you for not thinking I'm bonkers. It just feels like far too much, so clinical and almost military.

I have to laugh. Another bloody email came through at 5.40. This one a newsletter and absolutely none of it was relevant to reception. I don't need to know about the year 6 parents meetings do I?

I do have a DH yes (her father) and he definitely pulls his weight, although he works 12 hour shifts and is permanently knackered himself.

Our DS is 7 and we've a toddler.

Get yourself a huge whiteboard, tape of term dates calender 14 weeks should do it. Fill in important dates as you see the emails. Check online school calendar to help you plan inset days/early closure crazy hair day/ wear blue/red/yellow for charity day.... use a different colour for each family member .

Section off an area to put in important info what day is pe/forest school/diary's or reading journals signed etc.

The first couple of weeks are crazy it will calm down

This is good advice thank you!

It does feel like a lot to start with but it will settle down and you will soon get into the routine of it all. They are starting reception so although phonics etc are important to practice, most schools don’t expect you to do this every single day, and I’m sure most parents don’t manage to. The only way I survive with the school admin is to do it as soon as I read it. So if they send me a form, I fill it out straight away because if I don’t then I will forget.
Important school dates I put straight on the calendar in my phone so I can easily check it daily to make sure I don’t miss anything.
The most important thing is that your child settles in well to start with and everything else can come later. Try not to stress, all will be fine!

I'm so glad I no longer have school age children. Mine are in their twenties now and I absolutely do NOT miss this sort of bollocks.

It was some years ago now but I seem to remember primary school being by far the worst for the incessant emails, especially when they were in the infants. It seemed to get better as they progressed up the school and by secondary school I hardly noticed it. I might also have learned what could, with care, be ignored (a lot of it).

Primary school is very "in-your-face" for this sort of thing. Secondary school generally less so. That was my experience anyway.

Explain the situation regarding your older child and the school transport to the class teacher. They surely won't expect you to dump him out on the road to wait for his taxi and will hopefully be understanding.

Sorry if you're feeling overwhelmed @ArundelCastles. I'm a teacher and understand that this is a busy time of year with all the admin.

If you were a parent in my class, I'd be really happy for you to ask me to help you get set up and logged in on the systems ... perhaps you could ask the teacher?

It will get better after a couple of weeks, I promise!

Good, he can share the admin then.

You're both knackered and you both work hard by the sound of it.

I have been a parent for over 20 years

I have worked in schools and am a school governor of many years standing

The demands for drs notes are bullshit. Drs will not give sick notes for school absences, and nor should they (most childhood illnesses are self limiting and last less than 7 days...)

You will not get referred to SS for normal runs of childhood illnesses...the threshold for SG and SS involvement is (sadly) incredibly high

Just ignore

Although you need to find time to read to your dc and practice phonics (sorry)

OP, it's important not to take this stuff too seriously. On sickness, I haven't ever wasted a gp's time getting a sick note despite having the same rule. If DS is poorly, I send an email stating firmly that he will not be in today, and why. As long as you do it before 9am you should be fine.

On all the routines, write out a shared homework schedule and stick it to the fridge. Then you can plan supper around h/w requirements. Can your eldest help your youngest with reading practice while you sort dc2?

Make sure the school secretary knows your travel arrangements and understands that you will do your best. I'm a single mum, more than 3 miles from the school, and on occasions my car wouldn't start and we had to walk in. I always called and let them know what was happening. I found that generally satisfied them.

They aren't trying to penalise people who are doing their best, they are trying to make sure people take it punctuality seriously, that's all. Don't let them bully you. You'll be fine.

It all sounds horribly pushy and full on. My youngest is still at primary school but it's nowhere near as intense as this. Just turn up mostly in time in clothes that aren't blatantly unsuitable and you're good.

Get used to this. It doesn’t stop in secondary. In fact it get worse to the amount of different stuff you need. Sports specific PE kit, cooking ingredients, art supplies, maths tools. All the things that are provided by school in primary.

By the way, try to get organised and have all the dates on a calendar. Have a todo list to buy the stuff you need. I also have both children timetables on the fridge to check just before they leave home to make sure they have got their instruments and PE kit.

And if it doesn’t apply to you, just delete it. It’s like this at work too. Most emails are sent to a large group and you just read what’s relevant.

Our school sends masses of emails but actually you don't need to do much especially not for reception.

For phonics practice, do a search for jolly phonics you tube videos. watch 5mins or so together when you can squeeze it in. For reading, a bedtime story every night is enough!

If you find school emails overwhelming try setting up a folder in your email for them and reading at a set time each week.

I work in a school (albeit secondary) and I get that for parents new to the school there is a lot bombarding you all at once.
A few things to remember (from their point of view)

1. All of the systems/payment systems/homework apps etc have safeguarding as a key part - to make sure only those "allowed" can access the students data. Hence the double logins/expiring links etc. So, although painful to set up, this is the reason. Schools need to make sure only parents can see Rosie is going on a school trip/got a detention/swimming weekly on Wednesdays at the pool.

2. In an ideal world, a lot of this stuff would be sent to you over the holidays....you'd think? But a lot of staff don't work over the holidays. And the majority of stuff (like the logins) cannot be sent until the student has actually walked through the door. So it means 27 squillion things to be done from 1st - 8th September

3. If I could, I would co-ordinate everything to come in one email. But it can't. Payment system sends links. Not linked to the Edulink System. Not linked to the homework system. Not linked to the PE fixtures system. Not linked to the email from the photography system. All coming from different departments with different workloads. So, with the best will in the world, it is impossible. And with some of these going into junk mail you then get parents missing key information or not being able to order photos. Within my role I try and send 1 email outlining the key links and what to expect, and to tell me if something is missing.

4. You may feel overwhelmed by the emails and wish they would spread them out. Jonty's mum wishes it would all come quicker and is cross they cannot get it out sooner. Try and remember they are doing their best. And poorly paid.

Hi! Autistic mum of 3 (9,7 &6). I also find school super overwhelming. Our school also has this very annoying habit of sending out texts intended for one class but not specifying which one so I have to bring in whatever is needed for all three of them just in case - yes I have spoken to the office about it, many times haha.
I swear by Google calendar our whole lives are on it. Work shifts, clubs, pe days etc. Every time I need to remember something on a specific day I set a reminder. I also do things to help myself out like add a child's birthday party to a calendar, but then also set reminders a few days before so I'm not rushing around buying a present last minute. It's a game changer.
I also find homework over whelming with three reading books a night plus spellings. We have a routine down now where the kids come home, have a snack and then they sit in the kitchen and do homework while I make tea. I appreciate I'm lucky to work in school hours and evenings that makes that possible.
Hope this helps and I haven't waffled too much haha

@ArundelCastles I’m a primary school teacher and my own DS has started reception this year. I’m suddenly seeing it from the other side and now have TWO schools worth of dates to keep on track of. I’m sure at some point I’m going to end up sending him in for dress up day or something that’s happening at my school 😂
Is the school aware that you have an older disabled child? It might be worth mentioning to the teacher at some point as they should be understanding that there may well be an impact on your time and resources as a family.