To feel overwhelmed by school already?

[ArundelCastles]

DD starts reception on Monday. The school has sent me 6 emails in the space of two days, three of them with attached forms that need to be filled in and sent back by Monday and enough text to fill a small book. I'm already swimming in admin that I struggle to keep on top of in the best of times. I was part way through filling in one form and another one came before I'd even pressed 'send'.

They want me to buy X Y and Z for forest school, A B and C for something else. I need to remember this and that, always do this and that, speak to this person for this and that person for that. Write this, print that. Can't do this or that.

Reading record and book sent home which needs to be done by X day.

I need to do a certain amount of phonics and handwriting practicing with my child every day. Etc. I have three children, one significantly disabled and I work myself. I have long term health problems which leave me exhausted by 4pm. Where am I expected to find the time? There isn't enough hours in the day already and I'm stretched thinly as it is.

There was a letter about absence and how all illness related absence require proof from a doctor. How many of us can actually secure an appointment for the same week in this day and age? I know we can't, unless it's an emergency and we go to A&E! What happens If I can't provide 'proof'?

There's a chapter about lateness and how you may be referred to welfare and safeguarding if your child is seen to be late more than twice per term. I've got my disabled child at home who relies on council transport for school which comes to the house at 8.30am. I can't guarantee that there won't be times when we're running late. Sometimes they are late. DS school doesn't bollock the bus driver or send me all of these pushy emails

The way it was all worded sounds so gung ho and 'zero tolerance' no exceptions.

Before somebody has a pop about punctuality being important, of course it is and I would always do my level best to get her in on time but sometimes for reasons beyond our control delays happen. I think it's ridiculous that could be seen as a safeguarding issue in the absence of other factors.

I don't know whether this is in any way related to the fact I have ADHD or whether I'm being ridiculous but I just find this whole thing really, really overwhelming in a way that I didn't when DS started school.

Alot of it reads like a ticking off in advance.

Is this a me problem or does anybody else feel similarly?

This is the busiest section of the year for admin, especially when you are new to the school and not only do you have to pay for a school trip but you must first download whichever platform the school is using first. We also have a communication platform and a homework platform. But once you are up and running it's easier to manage.

(There was none of this when my eldest (16) started school, he took dinner money in a pouch each week and letters came home in a bag)

In terms of keeping on top of dates and notes, I prefer a family wall calendar to Google calendar.

It’s awful! Truly awful! Primary is the worst! This time of year is particularly bad but I found the inefficiency the worst thing to deal with. Multiple messages that were incorrect, then a correction, then whatever the event was got cancelled anyway. Don’t get me started on the shit ‘system’ that was Parentmail. Never known anything so un-user friendly! And the emails that started ‘your child’ - which sodding one?!

Best advice - make a calendar/wall chart and get everyone to put in every date they know about and get into the habit of checking it!

Fwiw, I've only ever phoned to say my kid is sick and won't be coming in to school. If my kid has a future appointment with a doctor/dentist then I would forward the appointment letter/note via email.

Ive just opened my parentmail account. Ive had 15 emails so far this week. 3 requiring responses about inhalers, walking home and phones, general info about clubs, newsletter, various meetings about Sats, PGL, meet the superhead, assembly, coffee morning, none of which I can attend as they are all at 3.20 and funnily enough Im at work, parking issues, and an apology that there was an issue with none of the emails opening on peoples phones 😂

Some schools are like this. My children started in a school like this and when the eldest was in reception I was shocked and overwhelmed by the correspondence from school and class WhatsApp chats. After one bedtime I checked my phone and had 50 messages. It was rubbish. It did die down after the first couple of weeks but ramped up again during Covid.

Kids are at a different school now which has patchy and sometimes flaky communication, much less of it and is overall far more "human". It is also about a 5th the size! Suits us better.

There was a letter about absence and how all illness related absence require proof from a doctor.

I'd be flat out ignoring that. It's completely ridiculous. The GP has no interest in seeing a child with a standard d&v virus for example (and rightly so, you don't need a dr for that unless there are other health conditions, or it's going on a long time).

It's bananas, but you have to do it. Imho they will cut you no slack for any reason and it will be your child in trouble if you don't send in whatever is the flavour of the day.

Our school isn't like this at all and its a "naice" school in an affluent area.

Lots of kids are chronically late & while the head will nag from time, i'm not sure they actually do anything about it

The only emails this week has been one with a some info about clubs, if you want to sign up for any (not mandatory), and a link to an eyfs software where the teachers puts pictures etc.

The first week of term can be a bit of flurry of info but your school sound insanely pushy.

I hear you!

If you haven’t already, set up a joint email account with your DH so you both have access to all the school correspondence, it really helps share the mental load.

I do not recognise this at all!

We got a welcome back email with a date for an open afternoon/evening in a few weeks. Plus general reminders about pick up and drop off procedure, school meals, labeling jumpers, pe kit, football club etc

Our school do set homework, but they've been back 2 weeks now (Scotland) and nothing so far. Plus I’m on the pta and the head has said that homework is absolutely not compulsory and there is no way she can make it so or punish a child for not doing it. Anyway the homework takes about 5 min, plus the reading book. We don’t even do it every night.

Lateness has never been mentioned.

I got paperwork for me to check and sign on first day of school, and my DS has medication and a health plan so his was fairly time consuming, but my DD was just a few pages.

I think we’re v lucky and our school is very laid back.

This is my pet hate too! They have all these special systems of contacting you rather than just sending a simple email with an attachment.

Then you need to sign up and remember passwords to something else for the homework and there’s another thing for reading etc

It’s so full on!

Do explain to the school about needing to wait for DS's school transport before you can leave. I know one family at DD's primary were always late for that reason, and if they know, they should be sympathetic. It may be that they'll be happy for you not to ring unless you're going to be later than 9.15 - they'll probably start checking on missing children at 9am, but if they know you may be held up, they can leave you until last. Ask how late you have to be for them to need a call.

In time, you may discover others going from your direction who can help out when you're held up - but for now I expect your DD will want you to take her.

It may also be best to tell them that you have health problems, especially if it does make it difficult to fit in homework activities. They might be able to prioritise your DD for a bit of extra practice in school.

Don't be scared by the threats. "Referral to welfare and safeguarding" for lateness would just result in them understanding the sibling transport issue - if it's a very regular problem, they might even work on a solution for you, such as his transport being scheduled earlier.

I've always got a to-do list on the go - makes things feel less complicated and I can note down the important bits and ignore the waffle. Sickness/lateness - just file that information and refer to it if/when needed, you don't need to be up to speed with that right now.

@Caterina99 I think Scotland is just better in many ways. England overthinks and overcomplicates things to such a degree I can't understand how anything works anymore.

I'm sure if they had to send out actual letters rather than emails that they might think about things more. I had loads of emails over the summer about the same thing that was making me want to block the school admin. She's so far up her own arse she can see daylight and im sick of emails all times of day and over the weekends. Fuck off and let me enjoy the summer holidays! Secondary didn't do this.

It gets easier but no less annoying. Referring to welfare for 2 lates is ridiculous. Our school tried the you need proof of a GP appointment and prescription. Fuck off that's confidentiel information. Power mad the new head teacher and the woman in the office. The previous woman was lovely and always went the extra mile for pupils and was much loved. The current one is not liked.

Hang in there and you will soon be mentally filtering out the crap.

I don't think schools can win. There will be complaints from other parents about being kept in the dark! It's not as bad as it looks,OP. Make a calendar- the most important thing is to know when things happen.

I have 3 DCs in 3 different schools and it can feel overwhelming at this time of year. However for every parent complaining it’s too much information, there’s another parent complaining it’s not enough!

Google calendar I find very useful, it’s shared with my DH so we can take joint responsibility. I try and put everything in as soon as I read about it. On a Sunday night I will look to see what’s happening in the week ahead.

Their school timetables are pinned up.

Short letters e.g. trip permission forms I try to do straight away. (The ‘touch each email only once’ approach).
Longer letters or newsletters I’ll read in my lunch break or with a cup of tea - again, putting dates in the calendar straight away.

Yes all the different apps and logins are difficult, but I have an A-Z notebook and I write the details down in there.

On my phone Home Screen I have a ‘School’ folder with the specific school apps in it, so I easily check all the apps at once, when I have a free 10 minutes.

It can feel overwhelming, so I approach it as I would if I was organising myself at work.

Yes it can be very overwhelming at the beginning but it does get easier once you are familiar with all of the different things.

I rely heavily on my wall calendar which I write everything on and check every day.

Depending on your working schedule set the same time everyday to check your emails and deal with the school stuff.
If it’s a date you need to remember then put it straight on the calendar.
If it’s a form to fill in then do it straight away.

I also have ADHD and would find I’d check my emails I’m the morning and then forget to write it down etc
Whereas once I got into a routine and set aside 10mins of school admin stuff at the same time everyday it really helped keep on top of it.

With reading I would also have a routine of doing it just before bedtime.
Get them ready for bed 20mins early and then get them to read to you for 5/10 mins and then you can read to them from a different book for 5 mins.

Then fill in the reading book and put it straight in the school bag and then get everything ready for the next morning.
Then you can relax.

Re lateness - schools get pulled up on this by Ofsted, so they have to be seen to be strict. In reality, as you have a genuine reason and explain this to the school you will be fine.

However, bear in mind that lateness actually can be a safeguarding issue - there may be children who are regularly late because parent is depressed and can’t get out of bed, or they’ve had to move miles away from school, or their parent can’t afford the bus fair etc etc. So schools do monitor punctuality as it can be a sign of other issues at home, but as long as you keep the school informed they will understand.

I found it came in waves - so you'd think oh yes got hang of it then bam.

Try and deal with things immediately - have a board to put letters on and have a wall planner.

My pet peeve was constant change in how they did contact usually with no prior warning and no explanation just expectation you'd know they were doing it.

Check your emails every evening and put important dates on calender and fill out any forms that same evening.

Make a weekly timetable of swimming/forest school etc and what you need for each day. Eg Tuesday:wellies and snack. Thursday:spelling test and swimming costume.

I’ve had 4 dc and have absolutely never done phonics at home with them. They are all very bright and excellent readers. Probably in part because reading at home wasn’t made boring by phonics practise. I probably heard them
read every other evening. The rest of the time they read to themselves and i read them a story, and perhaps asked them to read a few odd words.

Get on Amazon and buy one of those family planner calendars, which has a column for each person.
Then as the school emails come through, open them, skim, delete any immediately that aren’t relevant.
Any that are relevant, screenshot on your phone the email, then a few times a week when you get 10 mins, go to your photos and flick through the screenshots and write it all on to the planner. Then delete the screenshots.
Those planners usually have a notes section so make a note of anything you need to buy there and just roll it over each week.
Sounds like a hassle but this works for me and knowing I have screenshot the ones I need means I don’t worry about the emails piling up and missing an important one.

Instead of a wall one, I use Apple iCloud calendar. The good thing about Apple or Google calendars are they are visible outside of home. It’s shared to DH and the DC. It’s very useful for teens too because they can see on their phones. I have their regular clubs, guides outings, INSET days, dentist etc all on them for the DC. There is a family one for everyone, a parents one for just DH and me, and then DC specific ones for each DC, DH and me. The last one is important because then each DC calendar doesn’t get entries for things not for them.

I enter everything immediately after reading the school or club comms.

I've ordered a whiteboard for the kitchen and a family planner, thank you for the ideas. I'll definitely take on board the advice RE how to organise what comes in.

For the longest time I've simply thought I was just crap at adulting and always got so overwhelmed by the simplest of things, largely life admin! Having the ADHD diagnosis means it all makes sense now although the diagnosis itself doesn't make the struggles any easier iywim!

DS' teacher has ADHD herself so she completely gets it.

BTW I don't mean any disrespect to any teachers or school admin who have seen the thread. I know you're all just doing your jobs. I have nothing but respect for you and I couldn't do your job i can't even fill in a form in a reasonable time frame 😬

This is the level of organisation I aspire to!