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AIBU?

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Original poster

Angry Ex wants to take DS to home country?

64 replies

plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:18

Currently going through a divorce, still very early on. EX (on birth certificate) has no real interest in DS, doesn't see him, call, Facetime, nothing. However, he is suddenly adamant to take him to his home country in Europe. I suggested we establish regular contact first. He went on to say "I will have contact with my son whenever I want to have to contact with him" He is demanding to know school holidays and said he will get back to me when he books the trip. I am petrified in case he takes him and never brings him back. How can I refuse? He is having non of it and is so determined. I have DS's passport.

I am shaking and in bits. He wants to take him next month.

OP posts:
DarkPsy · 08/09/2023 17:20

If you have his passport then there's nothing he can do. Also, I think you can block an ex partner from taking your child overseas even if they have parental right (not entirely sure though).

Sirzy · 08/09/2023 17:22

Not a chance. If he was an involved father then fair enough but this doesn’t sound like it would be in your child’s best interest. Make sure the passport is somewhere safe

Dinojump · 08/09/2023 17:23

Absolutely no fucking way would my nasty ex be taking my child to his home country on these terms.

I'm sorry to say this (and you have pointed it out already) but if you let him take your child away, there is a real chance that he won't bring them back.

Not a fucking chance. No. Please don't do it. Do you have a safe that you can lock your child's passport in?

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2023 17:24

Take your child’s passport to a trusted friend to look after. Preferably someone he doesn’t know. Then just say “I don’t have his passport”. There’ll be nothing he can do.

PonyPatter44 · 08/09/2023 17:25

You don't have to dance to his tune anymore. I think you are absolutely right to ask that he re-establishes regular contact before anything else. DS needs a proper regular schedule, seeing his dad on set days. It certainly won't be "whenever dad wants to see him".

I do not advise allowing him to take DS abroad at this point. Do NOT allow your ex, or your DS, to know where DSs passport is.

Original poster
plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:26

I will ask my mum to keep his passport. I don't know why he'd do this during our divorce. I was very nice and proposed he sees him as much as he wants during term time, he said no.

OP posts:
DatumTarum · 08/09/2023 17:26

Does your child have a passport? If not, apply for one now before your ex does

Certainlyreally · 08/09/2023 17:26

is there a risk of him reporting the passport lost and applying for one

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 08/09/2023 17:28

He can't take him without your permission without a court order. He doesn't see him, has no interest, doesn't have his passport. Could your ex get him a passport from his home country? You could take him to court for a prohibitive steps order but unless you think he can get him out the country without you realising you could leave it, refuse permission and refuse to let him pick your son up. He would need to take you to court for specific issues order in which you could present your evidence of why is a bad idea - e.g hasn't seen son in x time, never spent night with him so holiday in another country is too much.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 08/09/2023 17:28

Call the passport office and make sure he doesn’t get a new one. Explain the situation and that you should be contacted if anyone suggests there is a lost passport.

you can get an order I think to prevent him taking the child out of the country.

Does he have many ties to this country other than your son? If not I would be very concerned given his attitude.

YoBeaches · 08/09/2023 17:29

What relationship has he had with his dad so far? Does he have family in home country?

He could report the passport lost and get a new one - may already have done if he's planning next month

You need legal advice to get a prevention order of sorts in place. Go to woman's aid if you can't afford a solicitor yourself.

gamerchick · 08/09/2023 17:29

He can say it's lost and get a new one though can't he?. I don't know if there's anything you can do to prevent that.

Maybe you should get legal advice OP

Original poster
plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:29

Yes, he has a passport. And, no I haven't thought about him declaring it lost and applying for a new one. Panicking!

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 08/09/2023 17:30

And you can refuse, but that doesn't stop him trying. Does he know where he goes to school? You should inform the teachers of the situation and that he must not be collected by your ex.

Deff get legal on this.

Dinojump · 08/09/2023 17:31

plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:29

Yes, he has a passport. And, no I haven't thought about him declaring it lost and applying for a new one. Panicking!

Get legal advice asap. If he's lied and said it's lost, knowing that you have it, then I'm sure there's a criminal offense there somewhere!

Please don't panic. You really need to try and stay calm - and get as much help as you possibly can.

Soubriquet · 08/09/2023 17:31

I would 100% seek legal advice on this.

Original poster
plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:32

Ex left everything and moved. Most of his family are in home country. He has sibling in our region.

OP posts:
Original poster
plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:33

Thank you for suggesting I contact the passport office. I will call them first thing on Monday.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 08/09/2023 17:33

You don't need to do anything.

The only way you could be forced to let him go would be via a court order and your ex doesn't have enough time or a strong enough case for that.

But so it doesn't come back to bite you, keep all communications to email, outlining perfectly reasonably why it's not the right time yet and suggesting it might be an option in the future. So he doesn't book travel and try to use that as an excuse, mention that it wouldn't be advisable for him to make any arrangements that you haven't both agreed to.

He can find out holiday dates from the school's website. It's not your job to inform him.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 08/09/2023 17:34

Do you have an arrangement order stating which whom the child lives etc?

Original poster
plantlover1 · 08/09/2023 17:34

I'm seeing a solicitor next week about the divorce, I'll try to bring the meeting forward.

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 08/09/2023 17:39

@fernsandlilies Great you posted it too.